Welcome to Chaos !!

I am not feeling very Christmassy at all. The magic of the Christmases in the past, especially childhood ones is gone. I guess reality has arrived and is here to stay. But I do recall the magic of Christmas and it can be and is special and I wish that magic to be felt by everyone if they so want. Not everybody celebrates Christmas but for the ones that do, I hope they get to feel that magic.
I still had a good day. I started my day in Lake Oswego which is a bit outside Portland. Met up with a friend.

Then I drove to Portland to set up for Pet Pack at the Portland Art Museum. We (the Pet Pack crew) give out dog and cat food and supplies to the people that need extra help to care for their pets. We crammed everything we needed into three vehicles. More stuff will arrive before Christmas Day when the event takes place, I am not participating in that this year. There will be meals served and stuff given away. People work hard to make this happen. 

It rained for a large chunk of the day and I spent a large chunk of my day in bed watching the yearly Swedish Christmas TV calender. The theme changes yearly, this year it is called Snödrömmar (dreams of snow or snow dreams) and it is the first time there is a Sami theme. I really like it. Talks about respecting nature and listening to nature and the animals. And I have also been stuck on a Netflix show that I started watching the other day.
I am trying to convince myself to take a bath before I turn off the lights and all the devices for the night but I am feeling lazy. Just me and Kaya. I am in my thoughts a lot and feelings of sadness. It feels good to just be home. I love being at home. It is quiet and nobody is looking at me.

With Trump (and Elon) stepping into the White House again in January for another four year term (unless anything changes) there have been some new positions created and some new people getting jobs. Quite interesting, or should I say a mix of comical and WTF is happening?
Like the new ambassador to Greece, Kimberly Guilfoyle......does she even speak Greek?
I have to check, hmmmmm she has a Puerto Rican Mom and an Irish Dad. Ok, what are the chances that Kimberly learned to speak Greek at some point? In case you do not know, Kimberly is enaged to Donald Trump Jr. although it is rumored that the engagement is on its last leg because Junior has a new girlfriend. A newer model, following his Dad's footsteps.
So Trump Senior decided to make Kimberly the ambassador to Greece maybe as a band aid for his son's wandering eye.  Like here you go now please go away.
Then we have the new ambassador to France, Charles Kushner. Does Charles speak French? He is Donald Trump's daugter's father in law, keep it in the family!
So......I think Trump should take a chance on me! In case you do not know that is the title of an Abba song.
I can do three jobs at once. I can be the ambassador to both Sweden and Poland and the ambassador to all the US exotic dancers. Do I qualify for this? Yes I believe so. I am fluent in Swedish and Polish. I would like to know if the ambassadors to Greece and France are fluent in Greek and French? I have spent time in both Sweden and Poland, so I am familiar with the cultures. I can even help Kushner with the French should he need help. Just like Melania, I am too a polyglot. Kind of. I mean a true polyglot should master like five or six languages according to many linguists. Master is the key word, knowing a few words in a language does not cut it. I can master two, I am good in one, ok in a fourth, I can pass by in a fifth and then I know some random words and phrases in other languages. So, not a true polyglot then.  
Melania got me beat. 😉
As far as the exotic dancers......well you know the answer to that one. I surely am well above and beyond qualified for all three positions. I think it is time to put a stripper pole in the Oval Office (a nice one that rotates with fun lights) and we can read the daily press briefings while dancing. Or sitting down resting against the pole. I think that Trump will be very pleased.
So somebody needs to notify Donald Trump that there is a Tati that he should take a chance on. And one more thing.....Trump said that there would be no more taxes on tips. Let's see if that happens. I mean he should be held to his word on all the promises made. Please do not tell me that he was promising things just to get votes......

 

The other day somebody asked me what my favorite flower is, as in they wanted to bring me flowers. And my response was do not bring me flowers because my favorite flowers are the ones that grow outside. Not the ones that wilt away in a vase and get thrown away.
A potted plant is different, like a green leafy plant......those look great and improve the air quality inside.
I found this rose laying on the pavement a few days ago, somebody had bought some roses at the store and this one ended up on the ground with a broken stem. So sad!
I took it to my friend's house where I was staying for a few days, where it could spend a few days being appreciated.
No flowers for me. No real Christmas tree either. I feel bad for them.

I actually went to the movies......twice in the span of a couple of weeks. I saw Ayahuasca Now at the Hollywood Theatre in Portland. A great movie theater that will be turning 100 years old in 2026. A Portland historical landmark.
Yes I am too (like hordes of other Westerners) curiuos about and interested in experiencing Ayahausca. I want to understand the purpose of my ever so meaningless and increasingly emotionally painful existense on this planet. I would like to tap into the spiritual world and whatever Ayahuasca would choose to reveal to me. I started gathering information about Ayahuasca after I read Breaking Open The Head (which is about Iboga) so like almost 20 years ago. After seeing Ayahuasca Now I am not expediting my potential first experience with the sacred plant/vine. How did the people living several hundred years ago know to mix together a certain plant and a vine?
At this point in my life I don't think it would be a good idea to sit with Ayahuasca. I am not in a good space mentally, VERY deep sadness and also anxiety. Maybe one day, or maybe not.
As far as me going to the jungle in South America to get the "real" experience......never say never but that will probably not happen. If it's going to happen it will happen close to home base. But ask me again in 10 years.

And yesterday evening I went to the Columbian Theater here in Astoria and saw Anora, director Sean Baker. Anora aka Ani (or is it Annie?) is a young (23) dancer that lives in Brooklyn NYC, she dances at a club called Headquarters. She meets a boy at the club and gets involved with him. This movie is considered by some as the movie of the year. I have not watched enough or any (?) of the movies that came out in 2024 to weigh in on that.
Last time I went to a movie at a movie theater was a few years ago at the Hollywood Theatre in Portland. I am more of a stay at home, lay in bed and watch a movie with my dog next to me kind of person. But once in a while it is fun to go to the movies and it is also nice to support places like the Hollywood Theatre and the Columbian Theater.
Since I am a dancer I find movies about dancers interesting. Anora ends apbrutly.....with Ani crying. So people are discussing why she was crying. I think she was crying because she was emotionally and physically exhausted after what she just went through in the last 24 hours or so and also that the happily ever after fairy tale she thought she had with the boy crashed mercilessly and that means going back to Headquarters and back to living at her sister's apartment in Brighton Beach. Back to that reality. I felt bad for her. She got discarded like a piece of garbage. Happened to me once. 
Fun fact.....there is a place called Tatiana Grill in the movie. And it exists in real life too.
Another fact that perhaps you won't be able to relate to unless you currently are or have been a dancer or sex worker as some people refer dancers as, is that once people know that you are a dancer you are only that to them (to like majority of people). And that often means that you will get harshly judged and stigmatized. Speaking from experience here......
I have my own little Anora story of when I danced at Flashdancers in NYC but maybe another time.