Welcome to Chaos !!

Entries from February 2024

Wednesday, February 14. 2024

Poor Flowers

Hello from a cold, windy and rainy Portland. Oh and it is Valentine's Day and another mass shooting took place here in the US and caused grief and trauma......and death. It is going to be a "fun" year moving forward here, it is election year in USA and I am worried that people are going to get completely unhinged, more than they already are. My vote goes to Bernie (Sanders), yes I know he is not running (too bad) but my vote still goes to Bernie. Plus I can't vote here anyways. But I align with affordable health care for all plus other Bernie visions that seem to anger and scare many Americans. 
I talked to my friend Ann the other day and she says she just doesn't care about politics because she feels like it won't matter who she votes for anyways, nothing will change and the world is not safe. I wish I could tell her differently.
I am holding on to hope, I guess. For now. Maybe one day I won't care either.
So Happy Valentine's Day, I guess to you. I saw this art heart at Kulturhuset in Stockholm.

Does anybody feel genuinly bad for all the flowers that go to waste? Like is it really necessary to have all these bouquets? Just buy a fucking plant and water it and watch it grow. I tell everybody, do NOT buy me flowers. Poor flowers. So pretty, just to end up in the trash. Humans suck.

I have no plans this evening. I am doing what I like doing - which is NOTHING or as little as possible. I do not want to be around strangers, don't want to be around noise - I like peace and quiet. I am around loud noise and strangers filling my ears with words and sounds and exhausting my brain when I work. People ask me all the time what kind of music I like to listen to and where I go out. The answer is, I rarely listen to music at home because I am around music so much at work and I do not go out, I go to work. Being at work is like going out. Except I go out in my underwear......A mix of strangers, music, alcohol, chatter and at the end of my night "going out" I count my money. Thank You.
Me being out.

Saturday, February 10. 2024


There is a shipwreck on the beach here on the Oregon coast. I have been out to it once before but I heard that more of the shipwreck is exposed now so I thought I would take a look at it again. But there was high tide today when I was there.
Maybe another time. This is the Peter Iredale shipwreck and it has been stuck in the sand for over 100 years.

 It is so nice outside today. It feels like spring. I feel restless inside.

Monday, February 5. 2024

Back In Portland

Well......I am back in Portland since a few days now. Longest trip back ever. Getting to Arlanda (the airport a bit outside Stockholm) and dragging my luggage around, waiting for about six hours at Arlanda for the first flight, going through security, trekking from one gate to another and hoisting my super heavy carry on into the overhead bin a total of three times and getting it down as well was pretty miserable. Sat next to a three year old child that had a very loud meltdown because he was unhappy over his experience flying I guess.
He screamed like he was getting branded with a cattle rod for like 20 minutes. Missed my connecting flight to Portland so I got home three hours later than I was supposed to. Got some rest and relief on two of the flights out of three. But I guess what matters in the end is that I got back safely and my luggage too.

The following day after returning I had an appointment with a dermatologist for a full body check. Needed to have all my moles checked. Three spots got frozen off with liquid nitrogen right then and there. I want a liquid nitrogen tank so I can freeze off every mole on my body. And I got two moles biopsied and most likely I have basal cell carcinoma (again) and need that removed. I had a mole surgically removed in 2016 for that reason. Waiting for lab results. I so regret frying myself in tanning beds and laying out in the sun for too long.
Listen to me.....do not use tanning beds and do not burn in the sun.

I missed one shift at work because I could not get the biopsied areas wet for 24 hours. Worked one shift, I was super cold the whole time and fell asleep in front of the heater in the dressing room due to jet lag and had one of my worst shifts ever money wise. Not even worth being there, should had stayed at home but you never know I guess.
Let's end this depressing entry on a different note. I guess spring has sprung, at least here. For now. That can change depending on the weather.