Welcome to Chaos !!

I love that it is light out late now. I went for a walk with Chhaya a little after 11 PM, just me and her on the road, a darkish blue and gray sky and a bright slice of the moon.
Everything was quiet except some birds making sounds. I love walking at dusk.
The disappointing thing about this whole light until late Alaska nights is that June 21 the days will become shorter again. And it just now started warming up. And feeling somewhat like Spring.
I started reading a new book by Nell Freudenberger, The Newlyweds . I like books that take you into other people's culture. This one does. So far it is holding my interest.
Last night at work started excruciatingly slow......I think Mother's Day weekend is a slow weekend overall for strip clubs. Believe it or not, Thanksgiving was always an ok night to work in Vegas. I had to work two New Years Eves due to scheduling before and I hate working on New Years Eve. It just feels wrong. So we sat around for hours last night doing nothing. I can't stand being bored at work. I can be bored at home, sprawled out on my bed. But at work, that is a waste of my time and effort. So I was singing and acting like a clown.
Entertaining myself and everybody else watching. I think I have a slight bout of Tourette's syndrome, I can't just sit there without making any noise. Unless I am reading, sleeping or being occupied with my laptop. Finally some people showed up. Two groups of guys that were kind of fun. I made a little more than I predicted last night and I had to do some dances, it would not had been nice of me to turn the guys down since they asked me.
Speaking of predictions......how about Sylvia Browne and her wrongful psychic predictions? Telling people their loved ones are dead when they were alive. How embarrassing. I wouldn't show myself in public if I were her for a while. I don't know about psychics......I think they exist but that it is difficult to find a credible one instead of somebody just telling you a bunch of mumbo jumbo. I went to a few. More for fun than anything else. A woman in Denver was especially entertaining. Her name was Leslie and she thought that I needed to return to her for a spiritual bath that she was going to charge me more than $ 200 for. Funny thing is that my friend Julia went to her a few days before I did and Leslie told her pretty much the same stuff she told me, including the urgent need to have that bath. You can read about that if you write Leslie into my search bar. Well, I am cheap (sometimes) I can give myself bath at home with some Epsom salt and make it spiritual and cleansing, for free. I do believe in intuition and that some people are more in tune with that side within themselves than others.
My Mom has great intuition. She also dreams certain things before something of importance or something that involves a big change happens. Also, one time a Gypsy told my Mom some things about her future that did happen years later. She got names and events right.
How about that?
It is Sunday night, I am in bed with Chhaya. I am going to take a bath soon and pour argan oil in my hair and massage it into my scalp and sleep with it overnight. And put a mask on my face and slather lotion all over myself. Better get started.

PMS makes me feel like a zombie. I am soooooo tired, I just want to sleep and eat.
My boobs are swollen and sore. It is a gray and somewhat rainy day here......again YEAY, that makes me want to hibernate in bed all day. I even fell asleep the last two nights after work without washing off my make up first, woke up with smeared brown eyeshadow and crusty mascara. Now I sound like a boring fogbone myself, all I complain about lately is that I am tired and how bad the weather is. I should move to Queens and join some canasta or bingo club with the rest of the yentas and retire.
I promised myself yesterday that I would go for a run today. We'll see about that promise. A refreshing run in light rain doesn't seem appealing but I might force myself anyway because I know that it will wake me up. I still have to work tonight although I really do not feel an ounce of motivation to even bother with that. Even if I only shuffle around slowly on stage while holding onto the pole I can probably take home at least
$180. And I can discretely hide my yawns with my hair. No need to talk to anyone,
I can snooze on the couch in between going on stage. Too tired for talking and doing dances, stage only. Then I can stay home tomorrow night with ice cream and The Apprentice. I want Lil Jon to win, he seems nice. Or Lisa Rinna. She seems sweet.
But Penn Jillette might be the winner of this season.
Look I found a pic of me and my boobs (!), one of many. The photographer wanted me to be "creative" with some ribbon he had. He also had a collection of brightly colored feathers he wanted me to hold up against my face. And pose with some horrible green and burgundy drapes. You never know, sometimes ideas like that might come out looking good, other times.....not so much. The feathers and drapes fell into the category of not so much.



I took these last year with Barry Gallegos, I had a vision and brought a ribbon.





I think I might take a 20 minute nap now and then go running. My life is so exhausting........

It's warming up, finally! Today there was a warm wind blowing instead of an icy wind. That made me happy. Besides that we got an influx of girls in the club, still slow on guys though. I am feeling fat and swollen, expecting my period any day. I'm waddling around the club like a chunky cow with extra flesh spilling out the sides of my panties. Not very seksi. Oh well, I will be back to normal in a few days. Stuffed myself with Mexican food and ice cream right before work too. And it was gooooooood!
But.......I have to run, a guy just came up to me while I was typing away on the couch and asked If I can give his friend a dance. I need to get my chunky butt off this couch and make some money. Happy Friday ya'll!

Hi from me at work. I just finished singing along obnoxiously loud to Adele and Christina Aguilera. Who doesn't sing along to Adele? Besides that I am kind of bored, it has been boring and slow here lately. I am fantasizing about what I am going to eat tomorrow. Either a big sandwich full of veggies or some pizza. There is a girl that works here that is so pathetic. The way she works. How she is desperately trying to get that lap dance. Doing things that are embarrassing. I am watching and laughing. If I would put in all that "effort" (for a lack of a better word) I would expect to make at least $ 500 on a slow night. But I think, "You want a dance" should be sufficient. Or, "You need".
I also have some very original lines but I will tell you about them another time.
Original in a fun way, not in a desperate kind of way. Desperate = sad. I am glad that doesn't apply to me.

It was flip flop weather yesterday finally! So I dug out my pink Havaianas. I live in my flip flops during nice weather days but today we are back to gray and cold, typical.



So I went to Bottomless Lake for a walk the other day. Chhaya explored the forest while I followed her. There is still plenty of snow and ice here.







At the lake I was delighted to find a bunch of beer cans, a used tampon, a condom wrapper, all the usual stuff you expect to find in the forest, especially in such a remote place like Alaska. This is completely normal here btw. So I did some community service (as usual) not court ordered. Picked up all the beer cans and moved the tampon to a fire place by the lake. Like, "Let's go to the lake, get wasted and fornicate. I'll bring the condoms and you make sure to pull out yer tampon before I stick it in." People are so gross. Then I continued the community service yesterday at the road by my house, pretty much the same treasures laying around. Beer cans, condom wrapper, lots of tissue, many cigarette butts and an empty bottle of Jäger. Didn't belong to me, I would never litter. I feel it takes minimal effort and very little time to do this and I don't mind spending some time once in a while doing something for others, in this case my surroundings than do nothing at all. And I want to add here that I hate people that trash and litter, they just ooze low class and lack of refinement. Very selfish behavior.
I can't stand that.



I am not the only one picking up random idiot's trash around here. Other people volunteer their time too, I see them on the side of busy roads now that it warmed up a bit here and the snow melted somewhat. Some of them are old. If THEY can do it, so can YOU. But the best solution is, DO NOT litter. Yeah, this was another, in a string of many blog entries where I brag about how good I am. Get used to it. I can't help it, I really am this way. 100 % smug.
It's easy to feel good about yourself if and when you do something good. Try it!

I am sitting here at Coffee Roasters with my latte but I am so disgusted that I almost threw it up.
First of all from learning more about the three women in Cleveland that were held captive for ten years and the repeated physical, sexual and mental torture they had to go through. That there were more pregnancies than the one surviving six year old girl. Now police is going to dig up the backyard to search for possible remains from babies.
I am close to tears. This can happen to any woman. It can happen to me or you when we go to the grocery store or getting in and out of our car, some man deciding to kidnap us. Because I can with strong conviction make the statement that I do not think there are many (if any) women out there that would kidnap or rape men/boys.
For what? I am not the least interested in raping any guy. Yes, you read about women teachers having sex with their students. Whatever. You read about women mistreating and abusing their children and looking the other way when the husband or boyfriend molests the kid/s. That makes me fuming mad too. Those are the women that should had never been allowed to reproduce. But men are out there kidnapping, torturing, raping and murdering women all the time. I am so grossed out with those three fat ugly monsters that did this to those three women. I think I have decided on the proper punishment. Fist cut off their dicks. Of course! With a dull knife. Then about 30 minutes afterwards while they are in pain and shock, pour gasoline on them and light them on fire. In a public place with an audience. I would gladly take on the role of the executioner and not feel the slightest remorse afterwards.

One more thing that made me really disgusted this afternoon. Snoop Dogg or Snoop Lion as he now calls himself, since he supposedly got some revelation during a visit to Jamaica and decided to become a Rasta, came out that he used to be a pimp.
Just to quote him in the article, "I had a bus follow me with ten bitches on it. I could fire a bitch, fuck a bitch, get a new ho: It was my program. City to city, titty to titty, hotel room to hotel room, athlete to athlete, entertainer to entertainer. "It was never about the money; it was about the fascination of being a pimp … As a kid I dreamed of being a pimp, I dreamed of having cars and clothes and bitches to match. I said, 'Fuck it -- I'm finna do it." "A lot of athletes bought p---y from me," he added. His wife "had to take a backseat" to his business, the rapper admitted, and noted, "I love her to this day because she coulda shook out on a n---a, but she stayed in my corner. So when I decided to let it go, she was still there."

WHAT? Gross. Ghetto. Nasty. His wife knew , his wife that he has THREE kids with by the way, she knew but was OK with this shit? Because to me, if you stay with a guy through something like this then you are OK with it. What a dumb woman she must be, no backbone whatsoever. She is a ghetto trash person. And a "great" mother too. I think that he should be banned from every music related event. To me a pimp is a disgusting low life. The fascination of being a pimp? What is wrong with people in this country? Really. I never heard of any pimping when I lived in Sweden. You don't grow up wanting to be a pimp there. Only in America. Disgusting is what it is.

But now I am going to do some COMMUNITY SERVICE. Read about it later.