Welcome to Chaos !!

It's bath time and getting ready for work time. Getting to work is the same as getting to the gym, it is always more difficult getting there, once I am there I am fine. I make my own schedule, so the temptation of staying at home in bed, watching tv, reading and being with Chhaya is always present.

Friday is here, that doesn't mean anything special to me since I don't work the "normal" Monday - Friday job like many do. Friday to me usually means more money since weekends tend to draw a larger crowd of people to the club. I work most weekends unless I get lazy, sick or busy with something else.......so yes, I am working tonight. When I drove to Coffee Roasters today I was bawling. Why? I was listening to Glenn Beck talking about having to make the extremely difficult decision to put down his beloved dog. A member of the family. He cried, I cried. Ugh. WHY is it that dogs don't live longer? What kind of a cruel reality is that? I think they should live to be 20 at least, somewhere between 20 and 30 or even longer. I can't imagine existing without Chhaya. I can't. Even if this might sound weird to some but sometimes I think that I don't want to continue living without her, that day when she has to go. My life without Chhaya? I don't want that life. I love her too much. ❤ ❤ ❤ Speaking about talk radio.......I almost exclusively listen to talk radio when I drive, I find it entertaining. Sometimes I plug in my iPod and sing along to the songs I have on it. But it is mostly talk radio while driving. I have to download more songs too, next week. Need more music for work. I am sooooooo ready for warmer weather, sun and being able to lay out in my yard with the grass under me and in between my toes. I have booked another cabin for camping in May and June. The ice will be melted on the lake by then so I can take the boat out (the cabin comes with a boat) and Chhaya can go swimming. I am looking forward to that. I love camping and hiking. Here is a pic of me and Chhaya from a hiking trip at Red Rock outside Las Vegas, we were looking for burros.

Well, I guess I should drag myself to the gym. It is so difficult to actually get there, once I am there I am fine. Plus I am usually out of there within an hour, 90 minutes max and that is if I am feeling extra energetic. Today, maybe 50 minutes and I will be done.

I need to pick a color, actually two, one for the toes and one for the fingers. It is time to dig myself out of this slump and go back to work. I have been feeling less than enthusiastic all week. I woke up at 5 this morning from bad stomach cramps and chills, after some Midol I felt better and fell back to sleep. When I feel like this I do not want to work, I don't want to do much of anything but if I sit at home for too long I go crazy, feel lazy and unmotivated with everything and that is not a good mind frame for me to be in. So back to work tonight......I need latte money anyways. Well......it is time for me to hop in the bath, need to wash my hair and shave.

The other night I was going through some of my cd's with pics from photo shoots that I have made, quite a task, lots of cd's and thousands of pics. Some of the pics I was hoping to use for the blog.......when I first started this blog in 2006 I had a different idea in mind for the concept but I like what I am doing with it now way more than the original idea. That would not had worked anyway in hindsight. So I might as well put up some of the pics from some of the old shoots here, since that was the intention anyways.
Let's start with this one. I got contacted by the photographer, as with most of my shoots. He had an idea and some costumes he wanted me to pose in. Girl scout, wedding dress and anime. The agreement was that I was going to get a certain amount of images that I picked out for me to keep. Well, he never kept his end of the bargain. Therefore I can only put up pics from the shoot that have "RAW PROOF" stamped all over them, the images are not cropped or retouched in any kind of way as you can see. These are the only pics I have, basically a half finished product. But whatever, they are still cute and kind of funny. Also, I was the first one of his models (he claimed) that could zip that wedding dress all the way up. Huh? I don't know what larger size girls he had worked with in the past, that dress wasn't even that small.
One thing that I have a very hard time with is people that don't keep their promises, whether they flake or flat out lie because they have bad intentions from the start.
Or borrow something from me and then do not give it back, whether it is money or an item. Unfortunately I have met too many people like that. But I have learned my lesson, I am not borrowing anything to anyone anymore. You need money? Go to the bank. And with photographers, so far two didn't deliver - both prime examples of douche bags thinking that they are something special. Well, they can go and sit on a spiky cactus. They should hope they never run into me somewhere because I will rip them a new one. Let's see if they will feel so high and mighty then. The thing with me is that I am not scared to confront anyone face to face if I think they deserve it, especially if they did me wrong. It is easy to send nasty e mails, text messages or play the ignoring somebody game. I am not scared of confrontation, at all.
Having said that, here are the pics.

Feeling better! I did go to the gym earlier, I forced myself to go. Did a 30 minute walk on the treadmill (4.0 speed) and a 10 minute run (6.1). I got really sweaty, it felt good. Then I did some arm exercises on the dip and pull-up machine. 12 times 5 with a 90 lbs assistance........in case anyone is curios. I have weak arms, can barely do one pushup.
Then I took a nice warm bath. Seriously love my tub and that I can just take a bath whenever, a luxury I definitely am grateful for. I scrubbed myself and applied two face masks, first a clay one and then honey. Once in a while I do take care of my skin a little extra, I used to do it a lot but got lazy.
Now I am in bed, drinking some coconut water and watching Jimmy Fallon, I like Jimmy - he is really cute and funny. So yeah.......I am feeling much better. Life is good again.

Well.......I am feeling yucky today. My stomach is cramping, I have the chills and not feeling good at all. I'm not in the mood for anything besides curling up under the covers in my bed. My hair is greasy, I need to pluck my eyebrows. I have nothing fun to write about, even thinking about something to tell you feels like a chore. I have not been at work since last Friday so I have no work stories. I might force myself with a visit to the gym for 30 minutes on the treadmill, even that feels like an impossible task. What is wrong with me? Guess. Whatever all other girls go through once a month. Sometimes that just knocks me out for a few days and I feel really bad. If I worked with something where I could hide in sweats and a bulky shirt with a sport bra underneath I would be ok. But my work outfit consists of something that you can scrunch up and fit in the palm of your hand, not counting the shoes now. Plus I am having the chills, so the thought of sitting in a drafty club, feeling gross, breathing in cigarette smoke does not sound appealing at all. On the other hand I feel guilty for not working and I also have slight anxiety for being "lazy". But things could always be worse.
On the bright side of things.......I did have a yummy latte and muffin today. My house is clean. I took Chhaya for her walk earlier. The sun is shining. But it is cold and windy outside, the snow is not melting here right now. It will probably be on the ground until around the end of April like last year. There is still a lot of snow in my yard, reaching up to the windows. I want grass and the smell of earth! I want to see flowers bloom.
Ok I am going to continue feeling sorry for myself some more now.........