Welcome to Chaos !!

Tatiana just finished eating some Subway, no 6' sandwiches for her, foot longs only, today with an iced vanilla latte. In LA you have the option to add cilantro to your sandwich at Subway, it's actually really good, the cilantro adds lots of big fresh flavor. They don't have that option at any Subway Tatiana has been to in Vegas or Alaska, they should. Now you learned something you did not know already (maybe)......
The first thing Tatiana did today was to take Chhaya down to the beach for a nice walk, it is windy and totally gray out today but Chhaya needs the walk and so does Tatiana. Chhaya pees like 50 times when she explores the beach. Every spot is the perfect spot for some pee.
While Tatiana is writing this there is a debate on TV regarding if you should wear make up, this is for the ladies and the trannies too Tatiana assumes, all the time. Wear make up ALL the time???
Well, of course not! Let that skin breathe! Tatiana never wears make up in the daytime (unless there is a photo shoot scheduled). Make up applications before the grocery store? No way. Who has the energy to even BOTHER with that?
Tatiana puts her hair up in a bun, wipes the crust out of her eyes, puts in the contacts and the sweats on and off she goes.
When she reads articles that Gwen Stefani and Kim Kardashian never leave the house without a face full of make up, even if only going to the grocery store, she just thinks it must be so exhausting to feel the pressure to have to look a certain way every day.
Kim wears so much make up, talk about spackle....those eye lashes are just too much, way more lashes than Tatiana wears at work. Kim has a pretty face, naturally. Gwen Stefani looks like a dude, so she probably needs the make up. Otherwise her husband might stray again.
But Kim and her ring and that fiancé. Seriously. You want to know what Tatiana thinks? Yeah, you do.....Kim's fiance, Kris Humphries (that's such a hot last name, NOT) looks like a cross between a Neanderthal and the missing link (but he is most likely a sweetie, he looks harmless and dumb). Kim can have him. Imagine that giant on top of you every night, he is 6'9! That is SCARY! Kim is jumping from one relationship to another with no breaks in between. And that 20.5 carat, 2 million dollar ring?
That is just gaudy and ghetto. Another chick brainwashed to think that a ring equals love and happiness. The more carats the more love? Lame.
Tatiana wishes Kim and Kris lots of joy, when Kim matures a little, though she is 30 already, she might get smarter. Maybe.
Besides that, Tatiana is working and it's going well. Her nickname at work is "The Goddess", she did not name herself that, the DJ did, his name is Clay. What a sweetie!
And tomorrow it is time for a much needed pedicure.

Yesterday Tatiana had to run in to Wal-Mart to buy a face wash. She passed an older man standing by a booth of some sort directly outside the entrance, he was alone, people passing him by. On her way out, Tatiana glanced over at the man again, white hair, older, alone by his booth with something he was selling? Getting donations for? Tatiana is not sure, she didn't stop to see. But she did understand by the way he was dressed and the display of the American flag, that this man was most likely a veteran. As she drove off, Tatiana felt really sad. Sad that he was alone, maybe he really wasn't but it just looked like it, Tatiana did watch him in the rear view mirror while driving off. Sad that nobody talked to him. Sad that she didn't take a minute to say hi to him and see what was in that booth.
Tatiana does not like war, so many lives wasted on something that leads to what? Freedom? So we are told. We are told many things but that does not mean that whatever we are told is the truth. Tatiana just wishes that people could solve conflicts without war. Isn't it about time already?
It's not the old mans fault, the war, any soldiers fault. They just go and do whatever they are told. And in the moment, you either shoot or you get shot.
Tatiana felt so sad for everybody that is out there, somewhere fighting a war, for every single person that died in a war. It's not right.
She just felt really helpless. If she sees him again (later today), she is going to stop and say hello.
And then throughout the day she kept on having thoughts about the meaning of life, what is Tatiana doing with her life, and the thoughts would not leave her.
First of all, Tatiana believes that life is suffering, sounds pessimistic maybe, but that's what she thinks. In between the suffering there are moments of joy and pleasure, laughter etc. but in the end, it's suffering. Everybody you care for will die if you live long enough. Old age. Sickness. Loneliness. Sad moments and heart break. That's life. And Tatiana is not a person that goes around feeling sorry for herself, she just thinks that ultimately even though beautiful, amazing and often fun, life is suffering.
She can only hope, to reach Nirvana or some stage at some point, somewhere, so she can escape the suffering.
As far as what Tatiana is doing with her life......she has no idea. At this point she hopes that there is a place somewhere for a person like her. She just wants what she likes, animals, books, a safe place with a large bed, food, a few good friends and once in a while that something extra that puts that spark into the every day life. Simple.

Chhaya is 6 today! Happy Birthday!!!
Tatiana got home from work a little while ago. Took Chhaya outside and sang "Happy Birthday" to her. Now Chhaya is laying here in the bed with Tatiana, side by side. The best bed buddy you can have.
Around noonish when Tatiana wakes up she is going to go and get Chhaya a nice, juicy steak. And a yummy sandwich for herself, looking forward to that.
But right now Tatiana is so tired her eyes are closing on her and her feet are sore. It is very much time for a pedicure.

Tatiana is sitting here with a large bowl of strawberries, yogurt and granola. While eating, reading everybody's blogs, one girl supposedly is in the hospital. Drama!
Soon she is going outside with Chhaya to enjoy the weather. Th sun is shining today.
But first she is going to brag about her friend Kennedy a little. Kennedy used to work at The Bush too but she is now well on her way to become a pilot, Tatiana thinks that is so cool! Tatiana is really impressed with Kennedy! GOOD FOR HER!
Tatiana went flying with Kennedy a few times, while Kennedy thought it was like the best time ever, Tatiana enjoyed herself, took in all the scenery but would much rather be on the ground. Tatiana has no interest at all in becoming a pilot.
Like Kennedy says, "there is no half-way, people I've met either are all the way in, consumed with this obsession or have no interest in it at all. I have yet to meet someone who is somewhat interested in it." Tatiana agrees.
Here is a link to the blog Tatiana wrote after her and Kennedy went flying, a chilly and sunny October day.

https://fargosisters.com/styx/index.php?/archives/173-Went-flying.html

Actually a rather large number of people in Alaska have a pilot's license, Tatiana is not sure about the exact number but she heard somewhere that it is like 1 out of 58. Many places in Alaska don't have roads, so you need to go by plane or boat or walk if you like walking very, very far. Like Juneau, Alaska's capital.

Sarah Palin is not the only person that has a fire in her belly. Tatiana does too. But Tatiana decided against entering the presidential race after some careful thinking.......maybe another time. Or this time?
Seriously, if Sarah can do it, so can Tatiana, that whole "you have to be born in America" rule can be overlooked, Tatiana can just bat with her Bambi lashes and whoever is in charge of the rules will let her have her way. Simple.
Tatiana wonders......will she be able to wear her 7' rhinestone heels as president? Or will the people around her, like other heads of state at meetings and other functions, feel too intimidated, just like the men in the strip club sometimes do? But maybe it's a good thing to be intimidating as president?
Should her official song as president be "Bossy" by Linsday Lohan OR "Attention Whore" by Deadmau5? Decisions, decisions........
Tatiana really wants to have afternoon tea with Vladimir Putin, she has a small crush on him. Yes, he is not the "official' President of Russia but he is still very much in the picture. He looks like so much fun!
On a different note, Tatiana did get a lot done today. She ended up not working due to a regular monthly arrival of something that women get. Usually Tatiana gets moody then and needs to look for her Motrin bottle. And not be bothered by anything or anyone. Can you relate?
But the mood stayed very upbeat all day, except the mood for work.
There was grocery shopping, running, waxing of legs, vacuuming, sweeping stairs, doing dishes, a stop at the beach to take a picture of the gorgeous sunset, dusting almost every surface in the house, rearranging bedroom furniture, mopping floors, cleaning bathroom. A few long phone calls. Of course intake of food and a walk with Chhaya and a shower but that's a given.
Marveling at large, red and itchy mosquito bites all over the butt, they like Tatiana's butt since it's extra juicy right now. Marveling at the extra juicy butt in the mirror, thinking that it's too juicy. Way too juicy. Tatiana does not envy Kim Kardashian's figure (or engagement ring for that matter). Made promise to self to run tomorrow too. And work, unless stomach gets too crampy.
All of this and more without smoking any meth. Hallelujah!
Sometimes Tatiana wonders what she would accomplish if she did smoke meth, wow, the possibilities are endless but Tatiana wants her skin to stay nice and smooth and she also wants all her teeth in her mouth for a while more, so meth smoking is out of the question.


Well, it's probably time to sleep now.......Tatiana loves her sleep so toodeloo until next time!

Tatiana wants to look like THIS again. This pic is from almost two years ago (dressing room at The Bush), two Summers ago. Tatiana thinks she looks DA NANG here. Right!!??
Today, not like that.
: (
Why?
Maybe it is true, that it really IS harder to lose weight as you get older? OOOOHHHH the horror!!!! Tatiana did not think it would happen to her. When she lived in Sweden she was really skinny. Much thinner than in this pic.
Today she is maybe 5 lbs heavier (than in the pic, not since Sweden....). It does not seem like much but Tatiana can see and feel the difference. Oh yes.
Another contributing factor is work. If Tatiana works on a regular basis, she stays thinner, because then she does not sit at home at night and snack on food.
The running probably helps some, but Tatiana also likes running because it actually makes her feel good. Maybe she should switch it up with the gym twice a week? Some resistance training might take care of those 5 lbs?
And work.
Sounds like a plan.
Now Tatiana is going to shower and scrub herself nice and smooth, then put on a face mask and call her Mom to check in.