I have been thinking about not writing my blog anymore because sometimes (like now) I don't want to share myself publicly anymore but then I also think that I will continue. I'm torn. I am going through something painful right now, my heart is broken and my soul is aching. I'm not well, therefore I have not been writing.
I got a magazine today called The Optimist
, it's not something I usually get, I just grabbed it because right now reading gets me through the day. I looked through it this evening and I want to share with you, my readers, something that Paulo Coelho wrote in this issue, I guess he writes a column for the magazine. As soon as I read it I started crying and decided that I needed to put it down in the blog, I guess you never know where you will find inspiration because to be honest I did not intend to write anything for some time, if ever. Here it is......
"Overcoming life's obstacles
Life is like a big bike competition, whose goal is to achieve the personal legend - that which, according to the old alchemist, is our true mission on earth.
At the race's start, we are all together, sharing comradeship and enthusiasm. However, as the race develops, the initial joy gives place to true challenges: tiredness, monotony, doubts about our own capacity. We notice that, in their hearts, some of our friends have already given up - they are still riding only because they can't just stop in the middle of the road.
This group gets bigger and bigger, and everyone is riding along in the support car (we can call it "routine" as well), where they talk among themselves and fulfill their obligations, but forget about the beauties and challenges of the road.
We end up distancing ourselves from them, and now we have to face the loneliness of our path, the surprises that come with unknown curves, the problems with our bicycles. At a certain point, after a few falls with no one nearby to help, we end up asking ourselves if so much effort is worth it.
Yes, it is worth it; we just have to keep going.
Priest Alan Jones says that we need the Four Invisible Forces - love, death, power and time - so that our souls have conditions to overcome obstacles:
It is necessary to love, because God loves us.
It is necessary to be aware of death, in order to understand life.
It is necessary to fight, in order to grow - but all the same, we can't let ourselves be fooled with the power that comes with growing up, because we know it doesn't mean anything.
Finally, it is necessary to accept that our souls - even though eternal - are trapped in the web of time, with its opportunities and limitations at this moment. That way, in our lonely bicycle race, we have to act as if there were time and do our best to value each second, rest when needed, but always keep racing toward the Divine Light, not letting times of anguish bother us.
These four forces can't be faced as problems to be solved, for they are beyond any control. We need to accept them and let them teach us what we need to learn.
We live in a universe that is both gigantic enough to involve us and small enough to fit in our hearts. The world's soul, the silence of wisdom, lies in the soul of man. While we ride toward our goals, it is always important to ask, "What is there of beauty on this day?" The sun might be shining, but if the rain is falling, it is also important to recall that the black clouds will soon dissolve. The clouds dissolve, but the sun remains the same and never goes away - it is important to remember that in moments of loneliness.
At last, when times are very rough, we can't forget that everyone has gone through this, regardless of skin color, social situation, creed or culture. A beautiful prayer from Egyptian Sufi master Dhu'l-Nun (died A.D. 861) summarizes well the necessary positive attitude we need to have at those moments:
"O God, when I pay attention to the voices of the animals, to the noise of trees, to the murmur of the waters, to the chirping of the birds, to the whistling of the wind or to the roar of thunder, I notice a witness of Your unity in them; I feel that You are supreme power, omniscience, supreme wisdom, supreme justice."
"O God, I recognize You in the trials I am going through. Allow us, God, Your satisfaction to be our satisfaction. May the joy be Yours, the joy a father feels for his son. And may I remember You with calmness and determination, even when it is hard to say "I love you." "
Where am I supposed to go? What is my purpose and my true mission on earth? Anything?
I am so lost and I am scared.
Now you know. I am being very honest and that is making myself vulnerable. People hurt you, people lie and take advantage. I don't know if I can take that anymore.
I am also going to start reading these books a friend gave me, The Four Agreements
by Don Miguel Ruiz.
I also saw this book today, I think I need it.
I do pay attention to the sounds and the great silence of nature, I can feel it - it is beautiful.