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Shoot With Cindy

I had an all day shoot and combined sightseeing trip with Cindy a few weeks ago. She took me out to Nelson here in Nevada, my first visits to the famous ghost town. A super cool place with soooooo much to see. Well, Cindy sent me a few of the images...... here they are.
Thank You Cindy!

I was FREEZING when we took this pic...... although it looks like I am fully enjoying the warm sun.

Photographer Cindy Enchanted Eye Photography.


Here is just a part of what I have been dealing with for the last year and also years ago.
The folders are full of papers for a loan modification that I am struggling with to get approved for my place in Vegas. It has been extremely draining mentally and emotionally plus I have been doing it on my own. Paying an attorney would had been way too expensive and and at least I know that I am putting in the time.
I mean.....who can you trust to really work with your best interest in mind? Who can you trust in general? Not many people, that is for sure. I am and have been at my wits end with this and had I not gotten myself involved in this really bad, uneducated and very naive real estate mess, yes I was the naive one, I could had been rather OK off financially today had I not been so dumb. Right now I am still fighting because I am a fighter, I want to be able to say that I did what I could before giving up. So giving up means trying for a short sale and if that gets denied then it's foreclosure. That is what I am looking at basically. This affair has really been difficult to deal with. The banks and the bankers in high positions sure did get their bail out. Where is the people's bail out? Maybe some nice person out there can bail me out? LOL......yeah right. I am just kidding. But it would be nice to get a bail out, that is for sure. I just want my downpayment back, that's it. And the bank can take the house back......I don't need it. I need peace of mind and no stress.


Hi my friends! :-) I can see in my statistics that I still have plenty and very loyal visitors checking my blog every day, It really warms my heart I have to say. Thank You! As you can understand, I am not doing well. But I am alive. And in case you wonder.....Chhaya is getting her daily walk, good food and attention. I am neglecting myself but not Chhaya.
So my beloved little MAC laptop Snow Snow (yes, I named my laptop when I first got it) is broken but getting looked over. Not sure if I will get it back repaired or what the outcome will be. I'm a bit sad over that too. The computer expert looking over Snow Snow told me that Snow Snow is sick. Noooooooo!
Yesterday I spent basically all day at my friend Roxy's house, she has a huge amazing art loft with upstairs balconies. We sat outside in the sun and had coffee. Chhaya joined us.

Chhaya loves Roxy's house. It's large, lots of space to explore, move around and chase after toys, a backyard and comfy furniture to enjoy.

We rounded up a nice day with two movies. First we watched Brooklyn a BEAUTIFUL story about a girl, Eilis that leaves Ireland in the 1950s to start a new life in Brooklyn, America.
Her adjusting to the new surroundings and then she falls in love but as love often is, it involved some complications, heartache and difficult decisions. But in the end I think she made the right decision.
There is nothing like true love. If you have it - cherish it. Don't let go of true love thinking that something better might come around or that the grass is greener on the other side because it rarely is. This movie is REALLY good, I loved it and both me and Roxy cried. Tissue definitely came in handy.
I saw many similarities to my own life in this movie. Coming to the US alone and how hard it was in the beginning because I was so homesick and felt so lonely. There is nothing like the comfort of having your family to support you through life's up and downs. If you have family close by consider yourself BLESSED. I am very grateful for my friends here. They say that friends are the family you choose. I think that is very true.
Then we watched Trainwreck . Yes, very fitting title for Amy Schumer's character. That movie was trashy but had it's fun moments.

Overcoming Life's Obstacles

I have been thinking about not writing my blog anymore because sometimes (like now) I don't want to share myself publicly anymore but then I also think that I will continue. I'm torn. I am going through something painful right now, my heart is broken and my soul is aching. I'm not well, therefore I have not been writing.
I got a magazine today called The Optimist , it's not something I usually get, I just grabbed it because right now reading gets me through the day. I looked through it this evening and I want to share with you, my readers, something that Paulo Coelho wrote in this issue, I guess he writes a column for the magazine. As soon as I read it I started crying and decided that I needed to put it down in the blog, I guess you never know where you will find inspiration because to be honest I did not intend to write anything for some time, if ever. Here it is......

"Overcoming life's obstacles
Life is like a big bike competition, whose goal is to achieve the personal legend - that which, according to the old alchemist, is our true mission on earth.
At the race's start, we are all together, sharing comradeship and enthusiasm. However, as the race develops, the initial joy gives place to true challenges: tiredness, monotony, doubts about our own capacity. We notice that, in their hearts, some of our friends have already given up - they are still riding only because they can't just stop in the middle of the road.
This group gets bigger and bigger, and everyone is riding along in the support car (we can call it "routine" as well), where they talk among themselves and fulfill their obligations, but forget about the beauties and challenges of the road.
We end up distancing ourselves from them, and now we have to face the loneliness of our path, the surprises that come with unknown curves, the problems with our bicycles. At a certain point, after a few falls with no one nearby to help, we end up asking ourselves if so much effort is worth it.
Yes, it is worth it; we just have to keep going.
Priest Alan Jones says that we need the Four Invisible Forces - love, death, power and time - so that our souls have conditions to overcome obstacles:
It is necessary to love, because God loves us.
It is necessary to be aware of death, in order to understand life.
It is necessary to fight, in order to grow - but all the same, we can't let ourselves be fooled with the power that comes with growing up, because we know it doesn't mean anything.
Finally, it is necessary to accept that our souls - even though eternal - are trapped in the web of time, with its opportunities and limitations at this moment. That way, in our lonely bicycle race, we have to act as if there were time and do our best to value each second, rest when needed, but always keep racing toward the Divine Light, not letting times of anguish bother us.
These four forces can't be faced as problems to be solved, for they are beyond any control. We need to accept them and let them teach us what we need to learn.
We live in a universe that is both gigantic enough to involve us and small enough to fit in our hearts. The world's soul, the silence of wisdom, lies in the soul of man. While we ride toward our goals, it is always important to ask, "What is there of beauty on this day?" The sun might be shining, but if the rain is falling, it is also important to recall that the black clouds will soon dissolve. The clouds dissolve, but the sun remains the same and never goes away - it is important to remember that in moments of loneliness.
At last, when times are very rough, we can't forget that everyone has gone through this, regardless of skin color, social situation, creed or culture. A beautiful prayer from Egyptian Sufi master Dhu'l-Nun (died A.D. 861) summarizes well the necessary positive attitude we need to have at those moments:
"O God, when I pay attention to the voices of the animals, to the noise of trees, to the murmur of the waters, to the chirping of the birds, to the whistling of the wind or to the roar of thunder, I notice a witness of Your unity in them; I feel that You are supreme power, omniscience, supreme wisdom, supreme justice."
"O God, I recognize You in the trials I am going through. Allow us, God, Your satisfaction to be our satisfaction. May the joy be Yours, the joy a father feels for his son. And may I remember You with calmness and determination, even when it is hard to say "I love you." "

Where am I supposed to go? What is my purpose and my true mission on earth? Anything?
I am so lost and I am scared.
Now you know. I am being very honest and that is making myself vulnerable. People hurt you, people lie and take advantage. I don't know if I can take that anymore.
I am also going to start reading these books a friend gave me, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

I also saw this book today, I think I need it.

I do pay attention to the sounds and the great silence of nature, I can feel it - it is beautiful.

Tea Time

My latest obsessions on repeat...... the yummiest carrot cake ever that I get at Whole Foods, Death Salsa and tea with lemon.
Besides that I have nothing to report. My hair is unwashed, I need a trim (hair) and a pedicure. Perhaps a massage too. I've been better but I'm alive and that's about that.

Sunday evening. Are you ready for the work week to start tomorrow or are you off because it's a holiday?

Death Salsa

I just had some Death Salsa for a snack, you can find it at Whole Foods in case you want some. The first time I had it my scalp got really hot and sweaty and my nose runny but now I barely think it is spicy. I don't know if I got used to it or if they are making it less spicy now but it's pretty tasty. I love spicy food.
I have been reading a lot.....for hours at an end, trying to find inner peace I guess. I got the latest Adbusters (a magazine) today but I have to say that I have been disappointed with the last couple of issues. I used to think it was so good but lately they are hinting at that terrorist groups like ISIS might be somehow positive and that they understand why young people are leaving Western society behind to commit to jihad. That doesn't resonate well with me.
Sure us people in Western society are far from healthy in many ways and put value on meaningless things. Yes, I feel empty too sometimes and wonder what I REALLY contribute for the good of the world and humankind but I am not so confused that jihad seems like a good answer. You can find meaning and beauty in nature and a plethora of other things. There is no meaning in oppression, terror and brutal murder.
Well, goodnight my friends I hope you are all safe and at peace. I am hoping to get some calm sleep tonight.

Nourish My Soul

Tonight I am going to nourish my soul. I NEED this! I went to the Polish Deli in Vegas and got some pierogis (dumplings) and sernik (cheesecake). I'm boiling water for the pierogis right now, I got the ones with kraut and potato/cheddar filling. I wanted just potato but they were out. Then I am going to chop up the onions and fry them and the pierogis too. Boil then fry.....that's how I do it.
There are all kinds of fillings for the pierogis, meat, mushroom, plum......but my favorites are the ones with with kraut and potato. Polish food, that is my childhood. My Mom made homemade pierogis and I would help her in the kitchen, the dough was made from scratch. We rolled it out thin, made sure to put flour on the kitchen bench so the dough wouldn't stick and then we measured out the round dough bits with the top side of a drinking glass and put in the kraut or potato filling and closed them up. Mom would made sernik too......which was delicious. And many soups, my favorite was and still is barszcz czerwony (beet soup) but also barszcz bialy, rosol, krupnik, zupa pomidorowa and kwasnica.......ohhhhhhh yummy!
Other dishes my Mom would make that I remember were bigos, gulasz, kotlety, galabki, salatka z kartoflami and z jarzynami......but we would also make thin pancakes and eat them with strawberry jam and fresh whipped cream. Then when I got older I would bake about once a week, I would make apple pie or sockerkaka (Swedish). And my Mom made amazing kanelbullar (also Swedish) and apple filled paczki for Christmas. And she sometimes made homemade bread. I remember my Mom taking the loaves out of the oven, piping hot.
That fresh baked bread smell would fill the house and I could not wait to butter up a slice and indulge. I LOVE FOOD!


Skinnyfine & Vapid

Skinnyfine somebody called me the other night. Never heard that one before. Once in a while I weigh myself at that fancy scale/BMI and heart rate machine they have at Whole Foods.
It said 133 lbs the other day. I like to find out my heart rate too.

But a scale at work indicated a bit less, 132.4 since I'm wearing less while weighing myself.

I can't strip down to a bra and panty at Whole Foods. Trust me, I know how to behave in public. I'm not the girl that whips out her boobs at a significant others company party, gets nekkid around the campfire (unless it's a nekkid kind of hippie gathering of some sort but even then I would probably leave parts covered up) or strips on top of pool tables at bars or parties. I even managed attending Mari Gras without flashing any boob. For what? I do not need that kind of attention. If you do these things, fine. I don't and that's fine too. But do not talk bad about strippers please if you get naked or whip your tits out every chance you get at parties just so you can get some attention from drunk guys.
I like to be on the skinnyfine side personally, it's a better look for me but I do not diet.
My weight fluctuates a few pounds up and down. It's always a good time for a vanilla latte and a pastry. Perfect way to start out the day! Like today, here is breakfast.

And now to the VAPID part. I wasn't even going to say something about this drama but then last minute today I changed my mind and went out and got this In Touch gossip magazine only so I could use it for this entry. See recently a person I traveled with at the end of last year sent me some very nice emails telling me that all that I am is a stripper who's only skill in life is "reading magazines, drinking overpriced coffee, and talking about themselves." That is only a scratch on the surface of all the nasty stuff she managed to come up with. BUT YES OF COURSE! All I am is just that. I love my overpriced daily lattes but so do millions of other people, hence all the Starbucks and other coffee shops that you can find all over.
Somehow they are all in business making profits. Why? Because people love those overpriced caffeinated drinks. She forgot to mention the pastries, I love my daily pastry too! Get it right next time! Indeed, all I ever read are gossip magazines, I have NEVER opened up a book in my life.......ever. Wait, I finished Tolstoy's Anna Karenina when I was around 11 and have been reading books non stop since I learned to read at the age of 6. Millions of other people read books and gossip magazines, nothing to brag about or be ashamed of, although the magazine in the pic I got just for the pic. I will leave it at Madhouse Coffee when I leave.
Now let's address the talking about myself part, I knew that the blog annoyed her because I could sense that in between the lines in a few comments that she left but I chose to ignore it. Yes, people that write blogs tend to talk about themselves. This is MY blog about MY life and things that I do and experience and think about. DUH. Plus some of the stuff I say in the blog should be taken with a grain of salt as I have a sense of humor and like to express that. As far as only talking about myself outside of the blog, actions always speak louder than words and I have done plenty of stuff for others in my life and people I do not even know that I can confidently make the statement that I care about SO MUCH MORE than only myself.
I probably care too much for others and that in turn has brought me a lot of sadness in my life. This person should had been out of my life a long time ago after her ugly side came out a few times but she wanted back in and I forgive anything because that's just how I am.
After this post there is no way back. I might enjoy overpriced lattes and talk about myself in the blog but here is what I don't do. I don't have a nasty gas problem that I constantly let out loudly through my mouth and ass right next to others and think it is HILARIOUS when in fact it's DISGUSTING. Sadly this is a fact about her. What else.....I don't air out my stinky feet at airplanes thinking it's OK. Well, I would never even board an airplane with bare stinky (her own description) feet - YUCK. Why? Because I have consideration for my fellow humans. And I also would never go and work somewhere with another girl, share hotel room, ride back and forth to work and other places in her car, make money and then FLAT OUT REFUSE to pay my part. NO. Why? Because anybody with an ounce of common sense and morals knows that it's wrong. She can keep the money, she obviously needs it way more than I do. She is, or at least was a stripper too (I have no clue what she does today) and had more problems interacting with other dancers and club management than I have ever witnessed. Clubs get in touch with me asking me to come back because they like the way I carry myself. I make friends, exchange numbers and actually hang out with some of my coworkers. That speaks volumes.
To be fair and I always want to be fair, I shared fun moments with this girl. Well, at least I was under the impression that we did, she seems to have been thinking that I was a "fake cunt" (her own words) the whole time but she still chose to be around me and keep in touch.
She has good qualities. But when a person doesn't want to pay me back money for things they rightfully owe for and on top of it comes at me with very nasty insults, not only about myself but other people around me, well then it's enough. I tried to reason with her because I believe in reaching agreements, compromising and salvaging friendships but to no avail.
What I am learning more and more as I walk though life and it's a very PAINFUL lesson, is that there are a very few people that you can trust. There is a thin line between love and hate.
I am a very fragile person and this realization has torn my heart into pieces. I am extremely grateful for my friends and I cherish them. You know who you are.

ADDENDUM. It's been a few hours since I wrote what's above. Afterwards I went to Whole Foods cause I was craving Death Salsa (spicy baby) and the yummiest carrot cake ever. I also went to Barnes & Noble and got Psychology Today and Bark.....NO gossip magazines (!!!) although according to somebody all I do is read those. And while flipping through the pages in random magazines in the store I saw this. And tonight it really resonated with me so I snapped a pic of it with the intention to add it here later.

People that don't even know me talk shit because of what I do. But on the other hand people treat others in ways that I would never even dream of, ever. But I am the one they talk bad about. Or a person that I was nice and generous to happens to owe me money but feels like she shouldn't pay me back writes me long ugly e mails accusing me of all kinds of made up bullshit from her twisted mind and calls me names. Yea feel bad about yourself, I know this and now you are projecting. This is your loss, not mine. I need to rid myself of people that bring me negativity and sadness. They do not deserve what I offer.


So I got a refund for my facial that I was displeased with that I had at Aminah's Organic Skin Spa here in Vegas recently. I got the refund from Aminah herself and she is one of the most beautiful women I have seen. She is gorgeous, we actually got along great, no hard feelings and we talked about skin care and products. When I'm ready to have another facial I will book one with Aminah herself.

I need to find a good moisturizing and rich eye cream. My skin around my eyes have been feeling really dry lately and I have even discovered a vertical wrinkle amongst the horizontal ones under my left eye. WTF! I should had been more diligent about dabbing on eye cream (I almost never do) and wearing sunglasses. So if you don't have any wrinkles under your eyes yet......lucky you, start preventing them with a good eye cream and sunglasses during the day.
Hmmmmm, what else. Well, the event I went to last week was about Primerica. My friend is a Vice President for them and she suggested I get into it. I don't know if I am cut out for a job like that but never say never. I am so not a sales person, not even at work in the club. Yeah.....yeah bla bla bla you might think but actually I'm not. I am so not pushy and aggressive and half of the time I am sitting around reading online news or blogs. Other girls tell me to go and work all the time. And I'm like......nooooooooo!

Desert Sightseeing

Yesterday I had an all day desert sightseeing road trip accompanied by Cindy with Enchanted Eye Photography. She is wonderful, I am glad that we met. We started out around 10 am and headed South towards California. We stopped at Primm (formerly known as State Line) to see if it was even possible to purchase a powerball ticket, the drawing is tomorrow. I'm not really understanding what the exact amount at stake is but from what I read it is a staggering 1.5 billion dollars. Well, then you decide on a lump sum or an annuity and have the pay taxes on the winnings. The line was so long, had we waited I'm sure it would had taken us several hours to get tickets. I know exactly what I would do if I would suddenly ever win or obtain a large amount of money. First of all family and friends. Everybody would get something, cash and/or whatever they might need. Children of friends would get a college fund set up for them with a great annual interest rate. Then I would visit several strip clubs and hand out $1000 or more to every girl. I know the struggle.....I know. Then I would secure my own life and future. And then I would help animals and others in need. My heart would be so happy. One can dream.....right?
So we did not stop and wait in line, instead we continued to Nipton CA where the line for the powerball was long and full of hopefuls. We took some pictures.

Then we continued.......

A tortoise research facility? Sounds interesting.

Cindy spotted an abandoned house in Searchlight.

After a few other detours we finally ended up in Nelson. Believe it or not but I had never been there until yesterday, WOW what a place! Interesting stuff EVERYWHERE and super cool owner/staff. I recommend for everybody to take a road trip to Nelson if you happen to have some spare time when in Vegas, well perhaps not during the scorching Summer months but right now it's perfect to embark on road trips. I could had take hundreds of pictures there but here are a few.

I love old stoves like these.....

Local rattlesnakes in the freezer, in case anyone fancies a snack. If I recall it right there are 12 of them in that bundle.

Me and Cindy.

I had a really nice day yesterday. I am so grateful for the nice and kind people in my life. ♡

Cindy is a GREAT photographer that takes pictures of people in all settings. Whether you want some great shots of yourself, your family or perhaps your wedding......Cindy can capture that memory for you!