A while back I got some more Aveda products for my hair. Sap Moss shampoo. I like it. And Nutriplenish conditioner. I like that one too.
And a current picture of my hair. I get a lot of comments and questions about my hair, due to the lenght. Is your hair real? Are those extensions? How long have you been growing your hair? Do you ever cut your hair? I like to say that it is a wig. That yes, I have extensions and I get them for cheap at Sally's Beauty Supply. My hair has been about this lenght, give or take some inches, for a long time. I am used to it. And yes, I get a trim usually three to five inches once or twice/year. I wash my hair twice/week, it air dries (I never blow dry), no hair spray or anything to complicated, no styling. I am way too lazy to spend a lot of time on my hair. It used to be in much better condition. I got comments that my hair is luxurious yes years ago it was. Now it is more on the dry side and not as thick as it once was. It is getting thinner but it doesn't look scary thin yet.
Wednesday was just normal. I was the first girl to arrive. Getting changed from my regular clothes into work clothes only takes a few minutes. I never dress nicely for work. Sweatpants, t shirt and a hoodie usually. Flip flops when it is not cold. When I lived in Vegas I would sometimes go out after work, Utopia.....Drais, those were the days, if I had plans to go out after work I would of course dress accordingly. But those days are over. I never wear make up to work, if I decide to put any on I do so after I arrive depending on my mood. There is a guy that comes in that likes feet. He is actually very sweet. He got a dance from me. I had my shoes off of course. He likes feet on his face. Dancer heels start smelling pretty bad after a couple of months. It has nothing to do with foot hygiene, I scrub my feet with scrub gloves after work. The heels just start smelling, but you have to kind of stick your nose into them to get a whiff. Perfect if you are into smelly heels. And feet, cause the feet smell like the heels. Friday was a pretty busy night for me. One girl was annoyed with the crowd and that she did not get any dances. She hustles kind of hard but nobody was interested I guess. I found $10 on the floor and decided to try to find who lost it. I asked around and made a note but nobody stepped up so in the end I got to take the $10 home. It was more for fun but believe it or not, I do not pocket money I find in the club. Ok, if I see $1 or $5 on the ground with nobody around, I pick it up. If the money is next to somebody I always tell them that they lost money. And if there are any larger amounts I ask around if it is not obviuos who's money it is.
Arrived Saturday with two new outfits. I have been thinking about getting the black one for a while, I have two other ones in the same style (the light purple and the greenish one) and they fit great. One size fits all. But the new black one did not fit right, it is too small and rides up in the crotch. Not flattering. The greenish one was a gift. Did not try it on yet. I spent most of the night in the dressing room, I just did not feel social.
Week 48 - I showed up three times to dutifully do my community service in the wooden box. Wednesday was the best day of the week for me. Stage was decent and I had a devoted fan that got several dances and declared that he thought I was amazing. Friday was the day after Thanksgiving and everybody was talking about how much turkey and pie they had devoured. It was an ok evening, on the slow side. Nothing stands out, no that I can remember. Saturday was a ghost town, I left with a whole $20. Yes......! Adding that to my retirement fund. I brought in glycolic acid because one of the girls has some stubborn outbreaks on her butt that are not going away. So I am going to treat her butt with it when we work together. If you too got some outbreaks on your body that you want to get rid of, look into glycolic acid. It supposedly works for taming armit odor as well.
Week 49. I was the first to arrive on Wednesday. Got undressed from my regular clothes, which basically always consist of sweatpants and a hoodie. And then hopped into the work clothes, which is something that fits in the palm of my hand. Turned on the heater, went on stage and did a lap dance. All of that within 15 minutes. A weird guy made his second appearance in the club, something is not right with him mentally. I am keeping an eye on him. I kind of keep an eye on everybody. I picked up Thursday because one of the girls could not work her shift. Well......it was terrible. I managed to leave with MINUS $30. Did not even make the house fee. I don't think they will make me pay it. They meaning the club. Some guys asked me and another girl what the worst thing is that we have experienced at work. People seem to think that we get like assaulted at work or something. That is not how it is for me. I told them the worst is when people come in with very bad hygiene, like smell like feces. Actually the worst experience for me was when some guy shat his pants and then decided to sit his diarrhea soaked pants ass down on several cloth chairs throughout the club that people later sat on, including myself. That was a disgusting experience. So for me it is when people have bad hygiene. Blergh...... The other girl on the other hand is like 5'2" and tiny so she gets guys that get handsy with her, or persistently try to and she really needs to practice to be more assertive but she does not want people to think she is mean. Like why? I love it when guys are scared of me at work, they should be. Saturday I was busy. One guy said that he had been waiting for me all night. How sweet, come back again! Swedish word of the day, varför and that means why.
First of December has arrived. One month left of 2025. That's it. One more year went by.
I am......here. Still. My friend that abruptly passed away last year in November, well today December 1st is his birthday. This past year since that happened has been very difficult for me. I did better a few months ago. But since about mid October it got bad again. It was the one year "anniversary" of his passing and then today it is his birthday. I have frequent thoughts about what I could had, should had done differently so maybe what happened would not had happened. I think about him a lot, almost every waking moment. I feel guilty and I am angry at the situation. I do not want to accept this new reality for me and his family. It is very difficult and the sadness is deep and I just kind of don't want to do anything besides what I have to do to keep my life going. Unless one goes through something like this one cannot understand.
Life is forever changed. For the worse. This person was my person. My piece of the puzzle. That is what we used to say, that we found our piece of the puzzle when we found each other. And he is gone. And I feel like I failed him, that I am part of why he passed away. He was the most beautiful and special human, my person. And I know that I will never find anybody that will be close to that kind of a person for me in this lifetime. I never want to come back to live a life here again, to live is to suffer. And I wonder if that's it? Like I will never see him again? All of these thoughts and feelings and the sadness and the grief is just surrounding me right now. I look for signs from him everywhere. Hoping that maybe I will dream of him when I sleep. I already knew since a long time that I am not meant for this world. There is so much suffering everyhwere and I have been aware of it since a long time and it makes me sad. And I know it will only get worse. I will lose more people that I am close to. And pets. And I do not want to live through any more of that.
Some of today's pictures while ouside with Kaya. The sun was shining.
This evening I watched the yearly Swedish Julkalender, this year it is called Tidstjuven. And I got an advent calendar with chocolates from IKEA. Tradition, it feels good. Memories of childhood Christmases with lots of snow and playing outside.
Not only are there chocolate pieces behind every window, you get a promotional card for a free meatball plate at IKEA as well. I love eating at IKEA, I get the veggie balls or plant balls. I love IKEA in general.
Three more weeks passed in the cold wooden box we call the hellhole. We as in the dancers that suffer in the wooden box.
Week 45. I only worked Friday and Saturday this week. Found out that a girl that got hired on not too long ago got let go because she did not follow the rules while doing lap dances. NO TOUCHING. It is not that difficult to adhere to, really.
I thought she was trashy and not a good look for the club so it is good that she is gone. Also.....WHY do you want to get touched in a non touching club? Like what is wrong with you? Go work at some brothel or something.
If somebody puts a finger or two on my ankle, arm or calf during the dance I do not cause a scene, I just kind of move away. But if the hands try to wander towards my behind I just calmly push their hands to the side and remind them of the no touching. It is very rarely an issue.
I yelled at a group of guys because at least one of them smelled like SHIT. That is fucking disgusting and I am NOT going to be around that and breathe in that odor and the thought of maybe somehow get some feces on my skin is so gross, so I got mad and told them to leave. And then I disinfected the stage area and the chairs where they had been sitting. This is why I always put a towel down on the chairs at work before I sit down. Later on that week some other person smelled like shit in the club. WTF is wrong with people? I would NEVER go to a restaurant, bar, club etc with an unwashed ass. I don't care what people do at home. It is not like I am always impeccably clean when I lounge around like the sloth that I am at home BUT in the club I am freshly showered and I would never go out to some event without showering first.
An older man was feeling very amorous and thought that he could get lucky somehow by asking like every one of us what we were doing later with what he thought was an intriguing smile on his face (bless his heart).....Same answer everytime, going home to eat/take a bath/spend time with my dog/enjoy the silence/sleep.
Your chances to get lucky are higher at a regular bar or some dating thing like Tinder. Although this week two "regular" ladies as in non dancers came in and it looked like they got lucky with some guys. Or unlucky depending on how you look at the situation. Actually the strip club is a great place for "regular" women to go to find a man. There are men there, the men are very approachable, most of them men will be happy to talk to you and even buy you a drink.
So yes, if you are a woman looking for a man, go to the strip club.
I did a lap dance for a young couple. The girl had never been to a strip club before. I always tell the girls that I dance for that if they at any time feel weird or uncomfortable to let me know right away and that I promise that I will not get offended.
Week 46. No work at all this week.
Week 47. Wednesday was a fun night. I guess I am a LEGEND. LOL what? Only once before have I heard somebody refer to a dancer as a legend and that was Erika at Stars in Bend. She happens to be my fave dancer at that club and yes she IS a legend, her stage performance is WOW and electric. I cannot hold a candle to that. But yea, some guy kept on referring to me as a legend and amazing. Perhaps he meant a legend like the local Bandage Man legend? Some other guy said I am his fave dancer there. Me? Thank You.
Also a long time ago I read an article in some magazine and Onyx that I worked with at The Great Alaskan Bush company was mentioned, she too was a legend for sure. I gave her a copy of the magazine.
Friday I made about $60, far under what the rest of the girls made. Nobody's favorite and nobody thought that I was a legend or amazing. Except for myself of course. So I admired myself in the mirror. I mean.....just look at that legend!
Saturday was much better. I was busy and made good money. It was fun. I was somebody's fave dancer (again).
And one guy was so excited over the lap dances I gave him that he could barely contain himself, he was clasping his hands several times and going down on his knees. I do not know why people get so overly excited, it is only a lap dance and we do not allow anybody to touch us. We were all tired at the end of the night. It is cold in the dressing room so I warm up by the heater a lot. The inner dressing room is called the sauna room (that is where I usually sit) and the outer dressing room is where the large fan is on for the girls that are always warm. I am almost always cold.
A guy threw up on the rack. Wonderful. The bartender cleaned up the mess and then I made sure to meticulously disinfect the area. AND somebody made me a cat house. I started feeding an outside cat that lives underneath my apartment building in the crawl space. He comes running when I come with food and he is so cuddly. I named him Tiggy. I would love to take him inside to live with me but that would not work with Kaya. What I really would like is to find a forever loving inside home for him. But check out the cat house, I will insulate it wiith straw. So there are two bins, one smaller inside the larger. You insulate in between the bins with straw and put straw in the smaller inside bin as well for the cat to lay on. Cutouts in two seperate locations for entrance and exit. So nice! What a nice and thoughtful gift. THANK YOU!
Last night I went to the soft opening of a new show at the Paris Theatre in Portland. The name of the show is "Twas The Night Before Nutcracker" and the grand opening is on Friday November 21. The Paris Theatre, formerly Third Avenue Theatre was built in 1890 and opened as a burlesque house, so with this new show it is reverting back to its roots. The theatre went through changes, some rather colorful even for the not so faint of heart.....and then closed in 2019 only to now be open again. How exciting!
