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Officially Insane

I think I joined the officially insane club today. The reason I was feeling sad the last couple of days is because I was planning on leaving Kenai. I had packed up most of my stuff and was heading for Vegas. BUT today I changed my mind, the timing just didn't feel right, I felt like I was rushing things. Life gets complicated when you have stuff to take care of in Alaska and Nevada. It's not like I can just jump in my car and drive for a few hours and be in Vegas. It's a long journey. I don't know what else to say besides craaaaaayzeeeee. I hope I made the right decision. Because OF COURSE, now I am second guessing myself, I'm like that. Now I am sitting here feeling overwhelmed, I have an empty closet and clothes in suitcases and boxes. All my toiletries are out of place. I like things in their place and a clean house, that's when I feel good. If anything good came out of this it's that I realized that I do not need any more things until I decide on were I will live. I'm hoping to reach some sort of a decision about that soon. So, I am going to give away some things and throw away others, like old beauty products that expired. Stuff I just don't use. Somebody else can take it, or not.
And I also realized that I get very attached to people and places, some people leave a place and never look back. They don't stay in touch with the people they met ever again, they turn a completely new page. I'm not like that. So leaving/moving/saying goodbye etc, all of that is kind of traumatic for me. I remember one time when I visited Sweden and came back to the US, I cried so much on the plane.
The best is to be lucky enough to have one steady place. I have been in limbo for a while. And now I am in limbo and in a chaotic house. It will take me a while to get organized again.
But now it's time for a bath! And then sleep.


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Hayley on :

I hate it when I don't know whether I'm coming or going !!! I can relate with that-- your feelings of upheaval... Life can feel strewn about the country, when your things are, as well....It is true, A good bath fixes lots of things

Tatiana on :

Yes.....the feelings of upheaval.....being all over the place. Not a good feeling. At least not for me. I feel in limbo and lost.
Took a bath with bath salts, now I can't sleep.
Hope YOU are well! Hugs!

Jim Walters on :

If insanity is a form of sanity then who is to say you are insane? No matter what you decide, I will wish you well on any of your endeavors. If you go I will miss you and if you stay I will offer to buy you a coffee on Sunday.

Your friend and admirer,

Tatiana on :

Thank You!
One of the reasons I had a difficult time leaving were the people I care for (like you) and my routines.....I feel safe here I guess. I don't know how I feel anymore. It's INSANE!!!!

Annette on :

Wherever you set your sail.....that is what is important. Without it set you are tossed to and fro. I am the same way about living here or going home....I understand. I am convinced wherever you set your sail you will soar! The good thing is you can do early spring cleaning and start out 2015 fresh :-)

Tatiana on :

Yes Annette, that is how I look at it, I'm sorting through things, cleaning and getting rid of stuff that I don't need/want anymore. To start 2015 off fresh. I hope that next year I will finally settle, wherever that might be and slowly start a new chapter in my life......!

Annette on :

I look forward to reading about your journey ;-)
When your were on that boat didn't the coast guard come on board with guns?

Savannah on :

I dont know the reason for your decision to possibly leave, but YOU have to be happy and at peace, wherever you are in life. If you do not have that there now, I hope you find it. I think you are a wonderful person, and like many others, I would be sad to see you go, but I can understand it too. I wish you nothing but the best, either way, and look forward to reading of your adventures either way! Xoxo

Tatiana on :

awwwww......thank you and many hugs to you!!!

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