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So Cute

I woke up this morning, looked over to my right and saw Chhaya sleeping on the pillow.
SO CUTE! I ordered Mexican food yesterday at a place called Maria's, it's a drive up place.
The lady working there knows me and Chhaya well because Chhaya is usually with me when I go there. She asked me if Chhaya is an outdoor or indoor dog. I was like....."indoor of course, she sleeps in bed with me". The lady looked at me like I was LOCA, some people don't allow dogs in their bed or their house. I think it's crazy not to, Chhaya is my baby, she can do whatever she wants and she is very well behaved and I love waking up with her next to me. Having it any other way is unthinkable. To me.

Today I went to the Home Depot, the Christmas stuff is already on the shelves. Christmas and New Years are right around the corner! I can't believe it, I feel like my life time is spinning out of control, it's just going faster and faster. The days, weeks, months, years.
It scares me.
I'm still sad, cried more today. Ate more chocolate. Chewed on my cuticles until raw, I do that when stressed or agitated. I'm going through a difficult time right now. I will tell you more about it later.
I saw this Hello Kitty at Home Depot. SO CUTE!

I have the perfect song for my mood tonight. I heard it on Breaking Bad, it's called Waiting Around To Die by Be Good Tanyas.

Sometimes I don't know where
This dirty road is taking me
Sometimes I can't even see the reason why
I guess I keep a-gamblin'
Lots of booze and lots of ramblin'
It's easier than just waitin' around to die

I feel like life.....all the ups and the end it's just awaiting death. We all have a different journey getting there but that is everybody's destination. Mine, yours. My heart hurts over this. I am not meant for this kind of reality. It's too painful for me. No, I'm not depressed or on drugs, I am thinking about life.


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mandy on :

Stop thinking so much. Your seclusion is making you batty. Time to move to more civilization places.
People really still have dogs they just keep outside... What the fuck.

Tatiana on :

Yes, I feel batty. I do. One day I want one thing only to feel totally different the next day. WTF!
I need you to come here and guide me through it!

mandy on :

Weird. I was just thinking that.

Tatiana on :

That's right!
I am obviously not capable of making any rational decisions right now. Today for example I am having lots of anxiety and regret not going through with my original plan.....and leaving.

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