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Comfy

I am having a wonderful, relaxing and super comfy Sunday so far. It is snowing outside, I am in bed watching tv with a tired Chhaya at my feet. I made some pancakes and in a bit I am going to make some more, I am craving more, I love pancakes. So simple but so yummy. The dishes are made and the Honey Dew's are hang drying. I am feeling happy and content this evening.



Today's Chores

Besides waking up and getting a super yummy vanilla latte I have to wash up some of my Honey Dew's.......



I have a mountain of dishes to do. Always fun! Not.



And that is what I have planned for this Sunday afternoon.


Tatiana - Your Favorite Bitch



So recently a girl that sometimes comes into the club told me, "We like you because you don't take any shit from anyone". Then somebody else told me that some people think that I am a bitch. OK. Like I care? You say that I am a bitch like it is something bad? Actually to me it is something rather positive. That is right, I don't take any shit from anyone. Why should I? Is the strip club some kind of official women bashing place where random people can come in, talk shit, be rude, act like total assholes and us dancers are supposed to smile and accept that? ICH DON'T THINK SO HONEY! Not this bitch anyways. And so what that some of the girls I work with think I am a bitch?
Oh well, I am more than happy to give them something to talk about and look at.
I don't do anything wrong in the club, I don't sit around and snicker and talk shit about anyone. So whatever.
And that some guys that come in think I am a bitch? Well look, if it makes me a bitch because I don't want to give out my number, go on a date with you, get drunk with you, let you grab me all over - then I guess by some lame idiots sorry definition I am a bitch and I am damn proud to be one too. I am not at work to find a drinking buddy, a boyfriend or somebody to have random sex with. So go try your luck with one of the other "friendlier" girls and please leave me alone. And guess what.....many of them will hustle you hard for drinks and dances, some might even try to steal your wallet or the bills you left on the bar. I have seen it......I am way too much of a bad ass bitch to do such things. I might be a dancer but I am not desperate or pathetic. Oh......and that girl that lets guys suck on her boobs, finger her insides, exchange saliva and possible herpes and other STD's and talks about maybe meeting up outside of the club.......chances are that she is NOT single, she might have a boyfriend or a husband at home waiting for her while she bends all the rules just to make as much money as she can. That to me is a slut. You can call me a bitch, I will wear that badge proudly. But you can't call me a slut because I will never be on of those. I'd rather be a bitch any day of the week. I think it is totally ok to have a boyfriend while working as a dancer. I've had boyfriends while working but I also stick to the rules, no need to bend them, it is ACTUALLY possible to make money without doing that.
I also suspect that there is something of a small town mentality going on here, girls are more desperate to be pleasing and "friendly". Some of them have never been outside Alaska or worked anywhere else. If you visit a larger, upscale club in a large town you will find that many dancers carry themselves with that quality "bitchy" attitude. In other places it is called classy.
And if you really knew me you would know that I am far from a bitch. ;-)
Pics from last night.......of Tatiana - your favorite bitch. LOL.
With my pink gloss, trying to apply it and take a pic at the same time, not as easy as it looks........



On the couch looking extra BITCHY! :-D



For some reason, even when people (guys) whine about that I am such a bitch, they still try to talk to me......I wonder why?





Bath Time

It's bath time and getting ready for work time. Getting to work is the same as getting to the gym, it is always more difficult getting there, once I am there I am fine. I make my own schedule, so the temptation of staying at home in bed, watching tv, reading and being with Chhaya is always present.



Friday

Friday is here, that doesn't mean anything special to me since I don't work the "normal" Monday - Friday job like many do. Friday to me usually means more money since weekends tend to draw a larger crowd of people to the club. I work most weekends unless I get lazy, sick or busy with something else.......so yes, I am working tonight.
When I drove to Coffee Roasters today I was bawling. Why? I was listening to Glenn Beck talking about having to make the extremely difficult decision to put down his beloved dog. A member of the family. He cried, I cried. Ugh. WHY is it that dogs don't live longer? What kind of a cruel reality is that? I think they should live to be 20 at least, somewhere between 20 and 30 or even longer. I can't imagine existing without Chhaya.
I can't. Even if this might sound weird to some but sometimes I think that I don't want to continue living without her, that day when she has to go. My life without Chhaya?
I don't want that life. I love her too much. ❤ ❤ ❤
Speaking about talk radio.......I almost exclusively listen to talk radio when I drive, I find it entertaining. Sometimes I plug in my iPod and sing along to the songs I have on it. But it is mostly talk radio while driving. I have to download more songs too, next week. Need more music for work.
I am sooooooo ready for warmer weather, sun and being able to lay out in my yard with the grass under me and in between my toes. I have booked another cabin for camping in May and June. The ice will be melted on the lake by then so I can take the boat out (the cabin comes with a boat) and Chhaya can go swimming. I am looking forward to that. I love camping and hiking.
Here is a pic of me and Chhaya from a hiking trip at Red Rock outside Las Vegas, we were looking for burros.

This is LOVE!


Well, I guess I should drag myself to the gym. It is so difficult to actually get there, once I am there I am fine. Plus I am usually out of there within an hour, 90 minutes max and that is if I am feeling extra energetic. Today, maybe 50 minutes and I will be done.

Pick A Color



I need to pick a color, actually two, one for the toes and one for the fingers. It is time to dig myself out of this slump and go back to work. I have been feeling less than enthusiastic all week. I woke up at 5 this morning from bad stomach cramps and chills, after some Midol I felt better and fell back to sleep. When I feel like this I do not want to work, I don't want to do much of anything but if I sit at home for too long I go crazy, feel lazy and unmotivated with everything and that is not a good mind frame for me to be in. So back to work tonight......I need latte money anyways. Well......it is time for me to hop in the bath, need to wash my hair and shave.



Thousands Of Pics

The other night I was going through some of my cd's with pics from photo shoots that I have made, quite a task, lots of cd's and thousands of pics. Some of the pics I was hoping to use for the blog.......when I first started this blog in 2006 I had a different idea in mind for the concept but I like what I am doing with it now way more than the original idea. That would not had worked anyway in hindsight. So I might as well put up some of the pics from some of the old shoots here, since that was the intention anyways.
Let's start with this one. I got contacted by the photographer, as with most of my shoots. He had an idea and some costumes he wanted me to pose in. Girl scout, wedding dress and anime. The agreement was that I was going to get a certain amount of images that I picked out for me to keep. Well, he never kept his end of the bargain. Therefore I can only put up pics from the shoot that have "RAW PROOF" stamped all over them, the images are not cropped or retouched in any kind of way as you can see. These are the only pics I have, basically a half finished product. But whatever, they are still cute and kind of funny. Also, I was the first one of his models (he claimed) that could zip that wedding dress all the way up. Huh? I don't know what larger size girls he had worked with in the past, that dress wasn't even that small.
One thing that I have a very hard time with is people that don't keep their promises, whether they flake or flat out lie because they have bad intentions from the start.
Or borrow something from me and then do not give it back, whether it is money or an item. Unfortunately I have met too many people like that. But I have learned my lesson, I am not borrowing anything to anyone anymore. You need money? Go to the bank. And with photographers, so far two didn't deliver - both prime examples of douche bags thinking that they are something special. Well, they can go and sit on a spiky cactus. They should hope they never run into me somewhere because I will rip them a new one. Let's see if they will feel so high and mighty then. The thing with me is that I am not scared to confront anyone face to face if I think they deserve it, especially if they did me wrong. It is easy to send nasty e mails, text messages or play the ignoring somebody game. I am not scared of confrontation, at all.
Having said that, here are the pics.











Feeling Better

Feeling better! I did go to the gym earlier, I forced myself to go. Did a 30 minute walk on the treadmill (4.0 speed) and a 10 minute run (6.1). I got really sweaty, it felt good. Then I did some arm exercises on the dip and pull-up machine. 12 times 5 with a 90 lbs assistance........in case anyone is curios. I have weak arms, can barely do one pushup.
Then I took a nice warm bath. Seriously love my tub and that I can just take a bath whenever, a luxury I definitely am grateful for. I scrubbed myself and applied two face masks, first a clay one and then honey. Once in a while I do take care of my skin a little extra, I used to do it a lot but got lazy.
Now I am in bed, drinking some coconut water and watching Jimmy Fallon, I like Jimmy - he is really cute and funny. So yeah.......I am feeling much better. Life is good again.



Feeling Yucky

Well.......I am feeling yucky today. My stomach is cramping, I have the chills and not feeling good at all. I'm not in the mood for anything besides curling up under the covers in my bed. My hair is greasy, I need to pluck my eyebrows. I have nothing fun to write about, even thinking about something to tell you feels like a chore. I have not been at work since last Friday so I have no work stories. I might force myself with a visit to the gym for 30 minutes on the treadmill, even that feels like an impossible task. What is wrong with me? Guess. Whatever all other girls go through once a month. Sometimes that just knocks me out for a few days and I feel really bad. If I worked with something where I could hide in sweats and a bulky shirt with a sport bra underneath I would be ok. But my work outfit consists of something that you can scrunch up and fit in the palm of your hand, not counting the shoes now. Plus I am having the chills, so the thought of sitting in a drafty club, feeling gross, breathing in cigarette smoke does not sound appealing at all. On the other hand I feel guilty for not working and I also have slight anxiety for being "lazy". But things could always be worse.
On the bright side of things.......I did have a yummy latte and muffin today. My house is clean. I took Chhaya for her walk earlier. The sun is shining. But it is cold and windy outside, the snow is not melting here right now. It will probably be on the ground until around the end of April like last year. There is still a lot of snow in my yard, reaching up to the windows. I want grass and the smell of earth! I want to see flowers bloom.
Ok I am going to continue feeling sorry for myself some more now.........


Late Night

Here I am at 3 15 AM, in bed reading, thinking about taking a bath, brushing my teeth and calling it a night. I like to stay up late at night even when I am not working. I have not done anything interesting this weekend, I didn't even go to work because I wasn't in the mood. I stayed home, ate, read, slept, doted on Chhaya, made a really good stir fry. I think I will be ready for work again soon.
So I just read that the two teenage football players (Steubenville High School, Ohio) got found guilty of raping that 16 year old girl. GOOD! I have been following the case, curious about the outcome. To me it seemed like there was plenty of evidence to convict them but then you know there is also this mentality that "boys will be boys" and you know she was just "some dumb drunk girl asking for it". Yeah, she was drunk, way too drunk, she passed out poor thing. But most of us have been there in some shape or form. I got wasted a few times as a teen. Being drunk and passed out is NOT an invitation for rape or any other violation. I wonder why none of her friends didn't step up and help her? Maybe scared to get involved or lose their popularity status? Also, it seems to me that boys that excel in sports, here in the US at least, seem to be able to or think that they can get away with pretty much everything and anything. Just following this recent case made it even more evident. How about putting more value on other qualities like reading, writing, math, art, kindness and thoughtfulness etc? Sure and yes, sports are fun, good for you and teaches you (hopefully) many valuable skills but life is so much more than being on that sports team. I think that should be emphasized more. But I wouldn't know, I guess.......I was never that much into sports growing up as a teen. I liked reading, music, dancing, going out and boys. And horses. Now I do like to play sports, not watch them (I find that boring). I like soccer (fotboll in Sweden), tennis, volleyball, badminton, basketball just to mention a few.
I do remember when I was 14 or 15 or so.........I liked a particular guy that didn't deserve my attention at all I can say now, looking back. He liked to play tennis, so I spent hours watching him play tennis and giggling if he looked my way. LAME! I wish I would had spent that time bothering with other things more worthy my time. But I was 14 and boy crazy. Thank goodness I grew out of that phase!
But back to this unfortunate (for the girl) rape. The guys I couldn't care less about, they got what they deserved, should had probably gotten some more time actually, I think they got off pretty easy. Now there will be people whining about that the boys lives and their promising football careers are over. So? What about the girl? What about HER life? How do you think she is coping now? I hope this will be a warning and a lesson for some, that being a star athlete on the high school football or basketball team or some other sport doesn't mean that you can get away with acting however you want.
Plus......I like nerds like Sheldon Cooper myself. ;-)