For the somewhat gullible people that might be reading my blog.......of course the previous blog about the hemorrhoid, pin worms, yeast infection and STDs was meant as a joke.
DUH! If I really had a hemorrhoid I certainly wouldn't be dancing nude, I would stick to topless clubs only. And I wouldn't advertise it either.
And yes, I know that hemorrhoids are very common. I've known some people with them, to me it's something completely normal, it's really not that gross though from what I understand it can be uncomfortable, even painful.
I am quite fascinated with reading about certain ailments and diseases that can happen to humans, like bot flies, tape worms, elephantiasis, Progeria, Ebola, gross cysts and boils - all that stuff I find interesting.......
But see, when I am at work, I LOVE to joke around. Because I get BOOOOOORED out of my mind. I either read, sing along loudly to the music, practice animal sounds, joke around, go to sleep or go home when I get bored at work. I can't stand just sitting there, it drives me crazy.
Most strippers will do the "sexy" talk to the guys. Compliment them (even if they don't mean it) or whisper some bs in their ears to get them to do dances.
Me? I loudly talk about my (imaginary) hemorrhoid, that is named Oscar btw. It can sound something like this, "Hi, I have a big, swollen hemorrhoid - if you get a dance with me I can leak hemorrhoid juice all over your lap, you need a dance?"
I should probably add here that I don't crack jokes like these every night, I have to be in my funny mood. Sometimes I do behave "normal" and if somebody can engage me in an interesting conversation I am ok with that too.
I also love talking about my friends, the pin worms. They glow in the dark. Makes for a great show on stage or during a lap dance! Surely you want to see that?
And sometimes when I get some tips on stage I say, "Thank you soooooo much, now I can go to the store after work and get some yeast infection medication, finally!!!"
Most people think it's funny and some look at me like I am crazy.
Or I have these teeth too that I sometimes pop in my mouth while I walk around and ask for dances. When people say no, I loudly whine, "Whyyyyyy, what's wrong with meeeeee?????".
Some of my fellow co workers look at me like I have lost my marbles but I'd rather be funny and myself instead of pretending that I am a prim and proper "lady" like some of them do. Because when most of them get a guy in the back all that lady like behavior is gone......POOF!
Boob grabbing and all kinds of other things, well some of them.....not all. I am so sick and tired of seeing girls getting their VAGINE touched, like GROSS!!!! I might be joking around (unladylike) about my pin worm friends but nobody is ever going to grab my boobs or my other private parts at work. So, who is the REAL lady in the end?
Plus, who will people remember when they leave? The girl walking around trying to get dances by whispering some bs in peoples ears, I can just IMAGINE what they say......LOL. Or somebody that makes you laugh?
Look how cute I look with my teeth! Adorable! They are a little yellow because I drink a lot of lattes but my fave dentist, Dr Mengele has left town to do pro bono dental work in Mexico.
Once I actually did work with a girl that had a hemorrhoid. I am sure I have worked with plenty of girls with hemorrhoids but in topless clubs you do not take your panties off. Plus in nude clubs you can have a small external hemorrhoid and nobody would know, because you don't have to spread you cheeks open, or do some advanced doggy style positions, I don't......I think that looks kind of odd.
But anyways, this girl and her little friend would go on stage and you could totally see it hanging there. LOL. Maybe she didn't know what it was?
It is very possible! Listen, I once worked with a girl in her late 20's that didn't know where in her VAGINE her clitoris was located. An American girl, not a girl from some country where women are forced to wear burqas.