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Memorial Day

Yesterday Tatiana had to run in to Wal-Mart to buy a face wash. She passed an older man standing by a booth of some sort directly outside the entrance, he was alone, people passing him by. On her way out, Tatiana glanced over at the man again, white hair, older, alone by his booth with something he was selling? Getting donations for? Tatiana is not sure, she didn't stop to see. But she did understand by the way he was dressed and the display of the American flag, that this man was most likely a veteran. As she drove off, Tatiana felt really sad. Sad that he was alone, maybe he really wasn't but it just looked like it, Tatiana did watch him in the rear view mirror while driving off. Sad that nobody talked to him. Sad that she didn't take a minute to say hi to him and see what was in that booth.
Tatiana does not like war, so many lives wasted on something that leads to what? Freedom? So we are told. We are told many things but that does not mean that whatever we are told is the truth. Tatiana just wishes that people could solve conflicts without war. Isn't it about time already?
It's not the old mans fault, the war, any soldiers fault. They just go and do whatever they are told. And in the moment, you either shoot or you get shot.
Tatiana felt so sad for everybody that is out there, somewhere fighting a war, for every single person that died in a war. It's not right.
She just felt really helpless. If she sees him again (later today), she is going to stop and say hello.
And then throughout the day she kept on having thoughts about the meaning of life, what is Tatiana doing with her life, and the thoughts would not leave her.
First of all, Tatiana believes that life is suffering, sounds pessimistic maybe, but that's what she thinks. In between the suffering there are moments of joy and pleasure, laughter etc. but in the end, it's suffering. Everybody you care for will die if you live long enough. Old age. Sickness. Loneliness. Sad moments and heart break. That's life. And Tatiana is not a person that goes around feeling sorry for herself, she just thinks that ultimately even though beautiful, amazing and often fun, life is suffering.
She can only hope, to reach Nirvana or some stage at some point, somewhere, so she can escape the suffering.
As far as what Tatiana is doing with her life......she has no idea. At this point she hopes that there is a place somewhere for a person like her. She just wants what she likes, animals, books, a safe place with a large bed, food, a few good friends and once in a while that something extra that puts that spark into the every day life. Simple.


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