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Pale Moon

I tried to get a good shot of the pale moon today when I was walking with Chhaya in the park. Another beautiful day here in Vegas.....



And here are some gorgeous colors coloring the sky as the sun was setting and I was about to get something to eat from Whole Foods. I felt so grateful to be alive and here in the moment.



Me and Chhaya have been enjoying a routine of getting latte and a pastry around noon, Sambalatte usually since it's right up the road. The we pick one of the parks close to the house, or drive to Sunset Park or out to Red Rock for the daily fun walk. Chhaya's hunting ears, looking out for rabbits.





I do not have a green thumb so I am very impressed with the roses that are growing on my rose bush right now. So gorgeous. All I have been doing is watering. I did clean up some old leaves and sticks outside today and cleaned the patio. Desert landscaping, meaning stones, rocks and bushes.





Right now I'm drying some laundry, Chhaya is resting. I'm going to take her out again in a bit. I'm doing good, feeling happy and grateful for a lot. A few weeks ago I was having a hard time for a short time. One evening I completely lost it for a good 30 minutes or so. My neighbors (if they heard me) probably thought I was crazy. Yes, I cried and screamed LOUDLY. And in that moment.....I did feel crazy. Like I was going to lose my mind and even hurt myself. Kind of scary looking back at it now. Because I was very close to actually doing something that I would regret later but I didn't. I did break some stuff and I did hurt myself a little but nothing serious, no bruises and no blood. This was triggered by a combination of me being fed up by the actions of a person in my immediate circle and a situation that I am reluctantly getting dragged into AGAIN, that has caused me a lot of stress in the past. All of that led to me just not being able to keep it together, I was overwhelmed. Why am telling you (a bunch of strangers mostly) this? Well, first of all my life is not perfect and neither am I trying to paint it out like it is. I have good days (like today) and bad days (like that day) and just normal days, days when I'm tired etc. But mostly I can honestly say that I am happy. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I was feeling really, really sad and everything was just so difficult right then but that turned and today I am very happy and loving my life. Nobody died and nobody is sick, so things could definitely be worse. Also, in case you do know me a little bit or know who I am and actually read my blog (yes, I know you are out there...... ;-) ) I'd rather you hear my version of the story, meaning the TRUE version than some half truth, or lie that somebody else might have told you. Just in case......Plus I'm not "ashamed" to admit to having an emotional moment. I would had been ashamed if I had been the person causing another persons pain and tears for no reason, or if I had out of anger injured somebody else. But I didn't. So no, there is no reason to be ashamed to admit to tears and having a temporary meltdown.
Many people out there pretend to live a life that they really don't. It's an extension of Facebook that I sometimes call Fakebook. I find that rather ridiculous but that's them and not me. I don't pretend to live a certain way. Never felt the need to.




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Cool Tuna on :

I have been reading you Blog for awhile now, I found you when looking for some info on Burning Man. I have enjoyed your posting. You seem like a very interesting person. A very kind sole as well and I love your dog... I hope things work out for you in Vegas, I was surprised with your last posting about the breakdown. You don't know me and I really don't know you but I would like to say, Hang in there, Talk to people or find help in dealing with your issue... Know that people do read your words and find what say or do interesting. You make a difference in the world, maybe only to a few or many, but you do.. I may never post again, but I had to say something this time.. Keep posting..

Tatiana on :

Awwwww......thank you for your words! It's nice when somebody leaves me a comment (and a nice one like this one) out of the blue. I have a few regular people that comment (Thanks to you all) but most readers are "silent". So it's a nice surprise to meet a "new" reader.
I'm feeling happy and back to my normal self, I was just stressed and overwhelmed and couldn't deal anymore, in that moment. But it has passed......
:-)

Julia on :

IF you were upset about the drama that was unfolding in regards to a certain "Redondo Beach House Party" individual - It seems to have passed, which is good. But I really don't know what caused you to be upset however I can relate to those sort of moments. I tend to hold it together when we talk about a certain sibling of mine but when I am alone I have had a few meltdowns......maybe more than a few over the years. I agree about Facebook - when people are posting tons of pictures of material things like their car, house, clothes, phones and what not it seems super obvious that they are putting on a show for their 'friends'........Facebook can also be a good outlet for writing about what is going on in your life, humour, but not to be taken so seriously. I really liked this entry because it does show a side of you that can make other people feel better about their own situations and sometimes a person needs to know that showing emotions is healthy and everyone feels shitty sometimes, they just don't want people to see that side. There is a way to write about unpleasant things without sounding all depressing and this entry is a perfect exampe of that.

Tatiana on :

Redondo Beach House individual? I don't even know who that might be, so no. Immediate circle, nobody from the past.....IF you are thinking about RR then absolutely not.
:-)

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