Highly Annoying

So my three last plane trips have been highly annoying to various degrees. And they were all around four hours long. A few weeks ago I was returning home from New York. I was sitting by the window (I prefer the window seat so I can make myself as small as possible, curl up and sleep) I was surrounded by a Serbian family, in front of me, behind me and next to me. The two seats next to me were occupied by the two teenage brothers, the skinny giggly one closest to me and his fat brother on the outside. The fat one had big braces and a bad cold, he kept on blowing his nose in a towel he had in his lap, loudly. A few times, and yes that means more than once, he sneezed wet, gross sneezes and had long strings of thick germ laden snot hanging out of his nose which he would wipe up with his contaminated towel. BARF! He also decided that FARTING was a great and funny idea, so did his brother that almost died from giggling when his fat brother passed the gas a few times. Me? Not so much. I really don't want to smell other peoples ass fumes on badly ventilated spaces like and airplane, so I turned on my overhead fan on full blast and covered my entire face with my oversized cashmere scarf that I ALWAYS fly with, it really comes in handy in moments like these. Then their overbearing Mom in front of us kept feeding her sons chips and homemade stinky sandwiches, making sure that her boys didn't die from starvation on the four hour journey. Not like the fat teenager needed any more food, he could had probably went into hibernation for the whole winter and survived. And behind me sat the little brother whom got lectured loudly in math, pluses and minuses by a stern family member. The kid made sure to kick my seat frequently. Fun times. Next time somebody farts next to me on an airplane I am going to blast of a loud one in their direction while staring wildly in their eyes, baring my fangs.

Then on my way to New York I had the pleasure of sitting next to a young couple getting to know each other better. On a read-eye flight when most of us want to sleep or at least have some quiet time. Not these two, the more they were drinking the louder they were yakking.
I unwillingly found out that the girl had a boyfriend, used to live in Spokane, gets really drunk and passes out every time she goes home to visit, is part Portuguese but had NO CLUE where Portugal is. Next to Spain in Europe you moron. The guy had to show her on his phone.
And they say strippers are dumb. Yeah right! This annoying and loud broad bragged about her well paying office job.
The guy basically tried to make her forget about her boyfriend she was leaving behind in Alaska so he could get in her pants. Lovely. Like nobody wants to hear about you and your drunken passing outs when you go home and visit your parents. Shut the fuck up and go into the tiny bathroom together and get it on like normal people do. She definitely needed a pillow on her loud mouth.

And the last real horror. When I was coming back from Vegas in November. A Mom with two kids were behind me. A boy and a girl, old enough to behave in public. I am guessing a four year old and a six year old. The devil's spawn. They had psycho tantrums for about 80% of the trip, I am NOT exaggerating. Kicking wildly, that included my seat. The Mom, a real soft pathetic Mom did not once, that I heard, demand that her kids stopped kicking.
They kept on screaming loudly and shrill on top of their lungs, sometimes both at the same time. Climbing like monkeys everywhere, crawling under the seats. I was tempted to step on their little hands when they reached under my seat but didn't. These two kids are so far the worst of a public tantrum display I have ever witnessed. I could understand if a small baby or two year old gets an earache on the plane and cries. But when you are old enough to understand, sit still and shut up, you should. And it is the parents job to control their kids. This Mom did a horrible job. Her two spoiled brats ruined the whole trip for the entire plane. When we landed she got on the phone with the Dad and told him about HIS kids and how bad the flight was because of them, they were not her kids anymore, they were HIS. When I got up she tried to offer a half assed apology and I just looked at her.
So she said, "you must not have kids". Really? I have flown with children in the plane before (not mine) and never seen anything close to this display of terror. I said, "no I don't but if I did they would not act like yours".
Ummmmm.......next time, if this for some reason would happen again, I am requesting to be moved and if that can not be arranged then I am filing a complaint with the company requesting to get compensated for some of the airfare. I heard of parents that can't control their hysterical children getting booted off planes. I totally agree with that. Nobody wants to hear your children scream on top of their lungs, you might think it's cute because they are YOUR children and you love them but for the rest of us NOT related to you, they are annoying little shits and we just want them to shut the fuck up or get thrown off the plane, even in mid flight. The worst flight ever.