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Mother's Day

Since it was Mother's Day yesterday I though it would be fitting to write a small entry where I can express my "admiration" for the women that seem to have no clue to what motherhood should be about. It takes more to be a GOOD Mom than to become pregnant (most women can accomplish this) and squeeze out the baby (it needs to come out at some point anyway).
First of all......the Mom that feels that the need to have a man in her life is more important than her child or children's well being. Like the recent case from New Jersey. Some woman in her 40's moved a guy into her home after only dating him for a few months. Turns out he was a registered sex offender. Now she is dead and one of her children too. The other three kids are in custody. Traumatized for life. Who knows what happened to them during their time with the sex offender boyfriend? It always amazes me when a woman that is also a Mom hurries to move in with that new boyfriend. What is the rush? The child or children should ALWAYS be a Mom's NUMBER ONE priority. Why even date when the children are small and you are a single Mom? Put the dating on the back burner and concentrate on your kids. It is said that the first five years are the most important in a child's life. Those years are the most formative.
The child needs security, stability, good nutrition, love. Not yelling, fighting and if not a bad father figure, a string of revolving boyfriends. It is pathetic and sad when single Moms jump from boyfriend to boyfriend. And introduce boyfriend after boyfriend to their kids. I think that the boyfriend drama and dating should wait. There is no rush, there will still be guys on the planet, they are not going extinct. How can you not get to know a guy well and check up in him first before you move in with him when you are a Mom? I don't care what women do that don't have kids. You want to date losers, druggies, the artistic type, guys that beat you, the drunk - go ahead. Life is a learning experience. Hopefully you will take all those experiences and realize what kind of a life you want or don't want to live. BUT when you have kids, life becomes a whole different ball game. Responsibility sets in. SHOULD set in, if you are normal (as in sane). And not everybody is cut out for responsibility. Or normal. Then DON'T have kids!
A few weeks ago I was watching a documentary about some woman with two kids.
She grew up getting molested. I felt bad for her. UNTIL I found out more about her.
She was dating some weirdo. Breaking up and getting back together, fighting. All while her two kids where living with her. Then she said that she was having her firsts sober Christmas with her children in 13 years. What? You fucking loser, you have been drunk for 13 Christmases? Then she said that her daughter had been molested during her care and also a foster child she took in. I lost all respect for her at that point. That is gross. She is a drunk, her daughter and another child got molested. Another case of that having a husband or boyfriend, ANY loser man, is more important than the well being of your child or children. I don't care how bad her own childhood was, do not expose your kids to the same shit. Just DON'T. She was complaining and whining about her bad childhood experiences during the whole documentary and then she has the nerve to expose her own kids to the same. What an idiot. She has learned nothing.
And how about the Mom that traded her teenage daughter for sex to pay off a debt? There are more than one of those "Moms" out there that prostitute their children.
I guess the maternal instinct is missing completely here. Go prostitute your own ass, not your children.
I have worked with women that get drunk every single night at work. Women that are Mothers. No, I don't think it is OK to get wasted every night when you are a Mom.
I don't care that you work in a strip club, that is not a valid excuse, nobody is forcing you to drink. You do not have to be drunk to strip, it is not that difficult or scary. And if you have to get inebriated every night then maybe you should look for another job.
Fun for your kid/s to smell your reeking of alcohol breath in the morning or deal with your hungover ass every day.
I have worked with women that do drugs on a regular basis and talk about that they want to become a Mom "soooooo bad". While their faces are full of meth scabs. Fucking scary. How about you quit the drugs and the booze first and then talk about wanting to become a Mom? Don't wait to get sober or drug fee until you are pregnant and about to give birth. Life is not going to get easier once you have kids. Work on your sobriety prior to becoming a parent. Love alone is not enough. There will be rent and bills to pay, children are expensive. Things will become difficult to pay for when you have a drug or alcohol habit to feed first. I can guarantee that a child rather grow up in a stable home than in a one with an addicted parent. I am not saying that people with substance problems are bad people, no. What I am saying is that they do not make good candidates for parents. They don't. That is the reality.

You might think that I am speaking from experience. That I grew up with a drunken or addicted Mom. And now I am a broken and sad stripper. Well actually - NO. I had a rather stable upbringing. No molestation or introduction to my Mom's latest boyfriends. My Mom did not drink or do drugs (ever) she smoked and still smoked cigarettes and I want her to quit that because I think it is gross. I am a non smoker myself.
I am not a Mom to any human children. I think I would probably be an overall good Mom if I had kids. I would not dance while having a baby or a toddler. Because of the schedule. I have Chhaya. And let me tell you. I would never date a guy that would not treat Chhaya well. Ever. One finger put wrongly on Chhaya and I would personally beat the guy.
Soooooooo, Happy Mother's Day ladies! :-)


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Juliana on :

Hi Tati,
I really liked this blog and I feel the same way about everything. I think a lot of women have children or want
to have children for entirely the WRONG reasons.

One of them being, that they personally need to fill a void and think that having a kid will do that. Wrong.
If anything, being a mother is all about selflessness-- not asking a child to "fix" you.
And when strung out on drugs or dependent on alcohol...
(anything someone does on a daily basis) the mind and emotions are simply NOT clear and focused.

Even if a person isn't high or drunk at the moment, it takes a period of prolonged sobriety to start making rational decisions. It's when you start to literally "see clearly".
By the way, sobriety sucks when you're not used to it... however, it does pay off after the realization that life is better and healthier that way.
I know because I speak from experience. It's still hard for me to handle things at times that are troublesome but for the most part I tell my self that "This too shall pass". And it does.

So I guess what I'm saying is that if a person is thinking of having a child, I wholeheartedly agree with the blog.
Yes, get sober or if there is a history of abuse in the family; counseling or therapy first if need be.
Get to know yourself first then decide if a child and all the responsibility that comes with it is something you're ready to handle the rest of your life.

Mr B on :

I loved your Mothers Day Blog.
Keep writing. You are well read by your admirers.

Tatiana on :

Great response! Thanks!
I recently read an interview with Mary Williams, a woman that got adopted by Jane Fonda. She tells of when she was 15, all she wanted was to have a boyfriend and a baby, so somebody would finally love her. The baby was the one that would love her. Of course Jane managed to get her mind off the teenage Mom thing. I think it is possible to become a great Mom at a young age (although I would advice any girl to at least live out her teen years child free) but like you say, get to know yourself first and then decide if a child and the responsibilities that come with it is something that you are ready to handle.

Tatiana on :

Thank You, I appreciate those words!

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