Skip to content

Scored A Ticket!

I scored a ticket to see Marilyn Manson! FINALLY! I have been wanting to see him for a long time but every time the tickets have either been sold out or he has not been anywhere close to my location. Last year me and Desi were almost going to go to Oakland all the way from Bend to see him and there was a meet and greet option that we wanted to do but in the end we didn't and I regret that a bit but in a few months I will see Marilyn Manson in Portland instead (no meet and greet though). Yeay! Besides him I would love to see Die Antwoord (Yolandi is great) and Rihanna of course.
And speaking of tickets, the Man burns in 148 days. I got a ticket to Burning Man this year, I feel very lucky and also grateful but it's over four months until Burning Man and nothing is for sure as of yet. :-D

Life Is Suffering

There is a guy in India, Raphael Samuel who is talking about wanting to sue his parents for giving birth to him. Now whether he will sue or not I don't know, his parents are actually amused and proud, his Mom is lawyer so she basically told him to bring it on. I find his beliefs interesting and I agree with and share a lot of his thoughts and opinions. Like, "There's no point to humanity. So many people are suffering. If humanity is extinct, Earth and animals would be happier. They'll certainly be better off. Also no human will then suffer. Human existence is totally pointless."
And, "it's wrong to bring children into the world because they then have to put up with lifelong suffering."
I agree. I decided as a teenager, my by OWN thinking to NOT put kids into this world because I did not want to subject a child to this world and humanity because humans are the problem, not planet Earth itself - it's humans. If you are worried about your own children and their future then STOP having more kids. Get a vasectomy or your tubes tied already. Or stop sexing with others.
First of all I believe in population control anyways. I think it is incredibly selfish to have a bunch of kids. It's 2019 not 1819. Evolve with the times. Most people will have children because we are taught that this is what one is supposed to do. The false promise that children are the meaning of life. So go ahead give birth whether you find a suitable partner to have the children with or not and whether you would make a suitable parent. Very little emphasis is put on the being a suitable parent part, just squeeze out kids so they can find a job (hopefully) in the future and become good tax paying citizens. Get student loans to improve their chances of having a higher income, loans that have to be paid off and everything else that we burden ourselves with while living life. The burden of just being alive brings a never ending cycle of obligations.
I personally think that life generally sucks because I am a realist. After all, the first noble truth of Buddhism says that life is suffering. And I have a very good life compared to many. I am independent, I am healthy, I have shelter and food, I have the means to do a lot of fun and interesting things and the list goes on. But I look around and see so much injustice and suffering and I wonder WHY? What is the point of this life? It's the suffering of innocent animals, children and senseless violence against others that makes me feel that life sucks. There is so much misery out there. Look into anti-natalism - a philosophy that argues that life is so full of misery that people should stop procreating immediately. Read this and ponder about whether putting children into this world is such a good idea....
To learn more about this you can check out Nihilanand on Facebook or you can read this BBC article,
Meanwhile I am just going to keep on day at a time.

Busy Studying

I have been busy studying since the beginning of the year and my brain is TIRED....I want to rest. But I am not done yet so I have to keep on going.

Besides that I am discovering coffee shops in Portland. Like Upper Left Rosters where they have their own roaster (this coffee roaster comes from South Korea, I asked). My latte was yummy plus I enjoyed the aroma from the freshly roasted coffee beans so I will definitely return here.

Check out my bird/squirrel and whatever other animals that come by feeder, I have seen bunnies running around here too. I put up some lights for them for ambiance.....!
I love my animal friends.

Are you following the Great American soap opera? It is called MAGA. Exciting new episodes daily! Like these.....I am very amused! This is HUMOR!

So I do know that Donald Trump, the current POTUS is on his third wife, the former supermodel and polyglot Melania. Hey, I am a polyglot and supermodel too! These are known facts. Perhaps I should set my sights at the White House as well? I want to be POTUS though.
I want ALL the power. And I want to hang out with Putin, there will be many summits. I am sure Trump's former wives didn't always think he was such a stellar husband, especially when Ivana, wife number one found out about Marla that later became wife number two. Oh the drama....I told you MAGA is the name of the soap opera.
And then there is this.

At least this woman pulled her head out of her ass and cut the motherfucker.....I would had most likely cut him to pieces with that sword, he actually got away lightly with a sliced hand. At least he should had his dick sliced off.
Ladies.....I have said it before. NO man regardless of where you find him, Tinder (or all the other hook up sites), church, library, grocery store, bar, hiking trail etc will love and care for your child/children the way you do.....or the way you are supposed to do because some "Moms" are shitty Moms. There are good men out there (maybe?) but when you have children, innocent small children, toddlers or babies that you should protect perhaps dating should be on the back burner until your kid/s are old enough to understand, resist or speak up and even then you never know. SO MANY cases of the boyfriend molesting, torturing even murdering innocent children.....WTF ladies WAKE UP. NO man is more important than your child.
Go on dates and do your thing away from the house with the new boyfriend and leave your small children out of it. Get a trusted baby sitter.
Oh and I watched Leaving Neverland yesterday. I don't know what to say.....besides again, how can a Mother allow her child to go on sleepovers at an adult man’s house or hotel room? Then there is the R Kelley thing. Look R Kelley was 27 I think when he married 15 year old Aaliyah and there were always rumors about him and NOW people are shocked and outraged? Whatever. In case you didn't know, Priscilla Presley was 14 when she initially got romanced by Elvis who was 24 at the time. Where is the outrage? Everybody loves Elvis - he is The King.

Sunshine & Snow

The other day I was enjoying the warm sunshine.....

And today the ground is snow covered. Far from as much snow as in some other parts of the country though.

It's Friday evening....I want to go to bed early. Tired. Have a nice weekend everyone!

Keith Flint

What the fuck happened? Keith Flint is gone, he passed away this last Monday so March 4.
I can't believe this, he was only 49 and he was freakin' AMAZING. So sad. I can't believe this. WHY? WHY? WHY?
Back in the day Keith was my HUGE number one crush, I've had a few but the most notable were Nick Carter (Backstreet Boys) and then I regained my senses and it was Keith Flint (the Prodigy), Keoki (a DJ), Chester Bennington (Linkin Park) and Ville Valo (HIM). In fact last time I saw the Prodigy in concert they opened up for Linkin Park in Las Vegas, that was back in 2011. And Chester is gone too, something I could not comprehend for a long time.
The first time I say the Prodigy in concert was at Coachella and I was completely blown away. That performance was the most energetic thing I have ever seen and Keith was electric. Just the best. After that I could not stop talking about was Keith, Keith, Keith, Keith non stop Keith every day. My poor friends patiently listened (and suffered most likely) to how much I just loved Keith and how perfect he was and how much I wanted to meet him and hopefully he would like me too....Seriously, the most adorable guy with a beautiful smile, beautiful face and kind eyes. One evening I just happened to run into a guy named Solomon that was affiliated with XL Recordings in London and the Prodigy was under the label and after he had listened to me blabber about my love for Keith and the Prodigy he said something like, "well if you come to London I will take you to a few of their shows".
He probably thought I was nuts. Well, I packed a suit case, got a one way ticket, left Vegas and spent about three months in London. I went to three Prodigy shows and even saw Keith backstage but I was so shy that I did not know what to say. I could only stare at him while my heart was pounding. Sometimes I get so shy that I can't do anything. Of course I wish I would had at least asked him for a hug. And a picture together. Perhaps forced him to go on a coffee date? Huge regret.
I even went to wherever he was living back then, a train ride from London. I can't recall now if it was Braintree or Chelmsford and I went to the local post office and sent a letter addressed to Keith Flint. Months later when I was back in Vegas I received a signed cd.
I hope Keith is somewhere good now. I wish he had not died like that. It makes me feel really bad for him. I feel sad over this....such a loss of a beautiful human.
Keith Flint one of a kind. ❤️ Much love.
Here is a collage I put on the outside of one of my folders a long time ago.

PSI 2020

PSI 2020 is the Psilocybin Service Initiative of Oregon. It will be on the ballot in 2020, the proposal to legalize psilocybin therapy. Oregon residents can sign. Oregon is on the forefront of this and the first state to do this. I have read a ton about psilocybin therapy, also MDMA therapy and other substances that can aid in therapy, like Ibogaine. Plant medicine. It is all in the plants. So be kind to nature!
The other day I went to see a documentary, Magic Medicine that followed a few clinically depressed individuals in the UK who took part in a controlled psilocybin study. After they had been on various pharmaceuticals (anti depressants) for years and nothing had really helped, temporary fixes only. Their depression was treatment resistant.
I do not know how it feels to have major depression. I know how it feels to feel sadness, anxiety, despair and when everything just feels difficult and you don't want to do anything but I still managed to go ahead and get myself out of that on my own without self medicating in any way. But for those with clinical depression, for those life/things/everything feel dark and meaningless unless they can find something that can help them.
I am absolutely 100% for the use of psilocybin and whatever other substances deemed safe and useful to be used as tools to help people.
The documentary was interesting, the showing was at Portland's Hollywood Theatre and almost every seat was taken.
To learn more check out

But I thought that the question and answer session afterwards with the chief petitioners of ballot PSI 2020, Tom and Sheri Eckert was better. To read more about it and understand this more go to

There is a fundraiser coming up this Saturday March 3, the event is sold out. That is great....sold out!

Since I can't sign for PSI 2020 I got a t-shirt in support of the cause and I am also spreading the word.
I absolutely believe in the power of magic mushrooms, in the power of plant medicine in general.

Burning Man Participation

Burning Man 2019 art theme Metamorphoses this year open up the gates to the event on August 25. A lot of people want to be there and tickets are hard to come by. In the latest The Jackrabbit Speaks, the newsletter sent out by Burning Man there is a very spot on letter written by a lady named Marian. It talks about burning Man participation and what that really means.
You can read it here,

I want to highlight a few excerpts,

“I am disappointed with the attitudes of the mutant vehicle and art car folks. Their gatekeepers are very discriminatory on who they let ride. I was actually told, ‘No, it’s too late for old people to be out, anyway,’ ‘you’re not pretty enough,’ and ‘we’re only picking up hot girls right now.’ I asked other camp members and heard similar stories. One gay couple said they had tried for 3 years to get on a vehicle and they were denied every time.” -Retired Artist, Male, 70 [1]
That just broke my heart. How did we get here? Who thinks saying this is okay on or off the playa? This isn’t Burning Man."

"Surely you’ve seen examples. Whether it’s commercial photo shoots, product placements, or Instagram posts thanking “friends” for a useful item, attendees including fashion models and social media “influencers” are wearing and tagging brands in their playa photos. This means they are using Black Rock City to increase their popularity; to appeal to customers and sell more “stuff.”

"One of the most distressing trends is the increase of participants (both new and experienced) who don’t seem invested in co-creating Black Rock City, and are attending as consumers. Mass consumption in our default world, ticket scarcity and some elaborate luxury camps have contributed to the rise of a playa “convenience culture.” In some cases, camps or companies are offering “all inclusive” pre-packaged Burning Man experiences, claiming they will preemptively meet all of their client’s needs. Burning Man is anything but convenient, and therein lies its transformative potential!"

"Black Rock City requires significant investments of time, energy, and resourcefulness. Part of what makes Burning Man unique and powerful is that everyone has to work hard to be there. Planning, securing a ticket, packing, building, organizing, contributing, and engaging are part of the journey everyone should experience. Though it manifests differently for each one of us, personal effort is integral to the social agreement we make with our fellow community members when we decide to participate in Burning Man."

Speaking for MYSELF, I have been to Burning Man six years in a row now and I am hoping to attend again this year if I am lucky to get a ticket. The first time I heard about Burning Man was when I was out camping somewhere in the middle of Nevada at some hot springs in 2003 or 2004. Some people that me and my ex boyfriend met thought we would just love Burning Man and we did want to go but it took me all the way forward to 2013 to actually attend my first Burning Man. I was prepared to go in 2012 but did not get a ticket in time. You want to attend Burning Man? Make sure you understand how the whole ticket process works. There is way more demand than supply. The Playa could easily hold 100 000 people but for now the cap is at around 70 000, give or take a few thousand.
Is Burning Man inconvenient? Yes it can be, depending on your own personal level of comfort but it should be somewhat inconvenient and even then it is SO worth it. White out dust storm? Bring it on! It is FUN and an experience! Sore ass from biking all day? I love it, I get so much exercise at Burning Man. I have stayed at the Playa in a tent and an RV, I prefer being in an RV for the comfort BUT if my only option would be a tent in order to attend I would absolutely stay in a tent. It is more work but still kind of fun when the wind rips a hold of your tent and you lay inside bundled up in a sleeping bag just grateful to be RIGHT THERE.
The first two times at Burning Man I was just taking it all in, dancing and exploring, the third time I was showing a Burgin around, aka Burning Man virgin. I am one of the people taking pictures and a ton of pictures but I have been taking pictures of stuff for years. Of all kinds of things. I do not see the problem in wanting to take pictures at Burning Man, people want photos to look back at moments and remember stuff by. On the other hand I do not agree with the increasing number of people I see dressed up in the "right" (not really) Burning Man garb that spend hours picking out their outfits and doing their make up, only to go pose in front of the art pieces and then put it up on Instagram. You are lame OK. Those people would probably not stay in a tent, those people are too preoccupied with looking "perfect" when in fact they are posers. If you go to Burning Man mainly to take some photos of yourself for your Instagram then in my opinion you are not there for the right reasons. Besides your Instagram is lame. I can understand that those would be some of the people that Burning Man want to weed out. Because they do not contribute much. YES, I have pics of myself in front of art pieces at Burning Man but I also have pics of the art itself and everything else in between. I have also spent hours describing the event in written form.
Art cars.....I have been on ONE art car and that was last year and I think I lasted 30 minutes and then I got off and walked back to my camp. Art cars are not for me.
I would personally not stay in a turnkey camp and I think Burning Man needs to address that issue and also the airport at Burning Man. I think the airport and the luxury turnkey camps go hand in hand.
After being at the event a few times I felt like I needed to participate in more ways than just being there. So I started volunteering as a barista at Center Camp, not in hopes to get something out of it like tips (I donate the tips) or a free ticket but because I want to participate in Burning Man because Participation is one of the 10 Principles. As far as picking trash, I do that in regular life too, basically every day. If you know me you know that I do. Leaving No Trace is one of the 10 Principles as well.
I completely understand that if a person never been to Burning Man before then the first time will be about just being there and basically taking it all in. It might take a few times before you discover just how you can get more involved and some people volunteer right off the bat. I also know people that have been going for longer than I have who show up, set up camp and party all week long and then go back home again. That is their Burning Man experience. I want it to be more than that for me. Look, just because somebody went to Burning Man like 20 years ago or have attended the event ten times does not automatically mean that they are contributing to anything besides their presence. Some people go once and do more for Burning Man that one time than those that have been a lot.
To me Burning Man is ALWAYS present, I talk about Burning Man year round. I tell people how amazing it I went to Stumptown Coffee downtown Portland and put out several Burning Man magazines to share with others.
Burning Man is amazing, even though the people that have been going for a long time (over a decade usually) see changes that they are not happy with. Even I can see things, people and behaviors after attending only six times that I don't think belong at Burning Man but I still have a wonderful time and I am definitely far from a perfect Black Rock Citizen. I think I have peed on the Playa maybe three or four times. When you are far out on the Playa and far from a bathroom (porta potty in this case) you just have to pee sometime. I don't feel too bad because I know that the rain will wash away my pee and it's not like I pee on the Playa every day I am there. Besides that I think I am a fairly good Black Rock Citizen but there is always room for growth and improvement. I will volunteer again of course and it would be really cool to get more involved with Burning Man in the future.


Helloooooo it is February 14 and that means it is Valentine's Day so if you are reading this TODAY - Happy Valentine's Day! ❤️
Of course boxes of chocolates, chocolate dipped strawberries and bouquets of flowers are flying off the shelves today, big profits for retailers. I personally do not like cut flowers, flowers belong outside or growing in me having flowers on display at home slowly rotting away in a vase only to get thrown out after about a week is a complete waste. Poor flowers, I actually feel bad for them.
It is raining (again) in Portland. The winter storm that the city frantically prepared for like it was doomsday came and went, basically strong winds, wet snow that melted away and more rain. WOW what a storm! Not.
I am going to spend today on the couch and in bed with my cuddly fur babies. I got two movies to watch, Bohemian Rhapsody and A Private War. So Bohemian Rhapsody is about Freddie Mercury, one of the best vocalists ever and an amazing performer.

I remember hearing Radio Ga Ga on the radio a long time ago and I thought it was weird....I didn't get the gaga what did it mean? But I always thought Freddie's voice was very strong and beautiful and according to what I have read he was a beautiful human being as well. Gone too soon unfortunately. A Private War is about Marie Colvin, a very brave journalist that lived a fascinating life. I very much admire journalists like her. She too is gone too soon. People that made a difference. I admire those.

The best thing you can do for your significant other (if you have one) and do not be sad if you don't because a lot of relationships are far from the perfect picture people (often the woman in the relationship) pretend it is on social media. Sometimes it is better to enjoy your own company or the company of loyal and loving pets....BUT if you do have a significant other I think the best thing you can do is to give a long and thorough foot rub. Don't be lazy, massage your woman's feet, her head, neck, shoulders and back too. Why are you expecting your penis to get attention if you can't give attention to what feels good to the other person?
I had a boyfriend a while back and NOW I am SO eternally GRATEFUL that we are not together anymore, it ended in a bad way but I do think it would had ended in an even worse way had we stayed together because he was just a ticking time bomb and now he can go off in drunken rages at his current (also a drunk) partner instead of subjecting me and Chhaya to his awful moods and behaviors. Anyhow he would come home and just expect me to jump for joy at the sight of his erection when in fact it didn't do much for me because that it all it was....a hard penis. First of all, any guy would be lucky to have me as a girlfriend because I am just THAT amazing, Thank You YES I know this about myself. So you do something for me instead of acting like a cranky child over your penis because that is NOT sexy OK. If an erection is all you have to offer then you don't have much.
Actually four years ago at Valentine's Day I was sad and crying and today this Valentine's Day I won't be crying. I am not pretending that life is perfect because it has it's ups and downs but I am good.
And lo and behold that asshole called me one evening after he had betrayed me in the worst way and even stolen from me only to tell me that he had made a mistake and how much he missed me and bla bla bla some other ramblings that I do not recall anymore.
No motherfucker, I am glad we are not together anymore although it took me a while to get over the shock of the betrayal.....being with you for as long as I stuck around was a mistake on my part. I should had listened to my gut/soul when it told me to leave several times, the first time about six months into the relationship and a few times afterwards but one of my faults is that I am loyal, too loyal even when people don't deserve it. It would had been way better for me if I would had left him, better both emotionally and financially. He is now exactly where he belongs, in a white trash drunken stupor together with the handsome woman he fits so perfectly with. Don't worry ol' lady, I do not want him back. Serve him biscuits and gravy or else! Cause I sure refused. No thanks. Several people came forward afterwards and said that they always thought I was way out of his league. And you know what....those people were right.
Anyhow, gentlemen.....give your significant other a nice massage without expecting anything in return. XOXO

Depeche Mode:101

Last night I saw a documentary called Depeche Mode:101 about what else.....Depeche Mode. The screening was inside the Whitsell Auditorium at the Portland Art Museum and it was a full house. The documentary was filmed in 1988 and they (DM) look so young....OMG I was a young teenager back then and I loved Depeche Mode and I still do. 30 years have went by since then....I'm not a teenager anymore but still kind of feel like one most days. So back then Depeche Mode had four members, now they are three. Alan Wilder quit the band years ago.
I liked all that had to do with Depeche Mode in this documentary, their stage performances especially but I could had easily skipped on the footage of the group of fans because that was completely uninteresting. The fan footage reminded me of MTV's Real World before the first Real World had even been thought of.
Will there be another Depeche Mode tour in the future? If so, I hope I can go (again), I have seen them in concert twice.


When I arrived at school today I did notice the lack of cars in the parking lot....I guess I was one of the few that did not get the memo that classes were cancelled due to weather. Weather? It looked perfectly fine to me, sure it got cold and snowed last night but the snow melted away during the day today. So I do not see the reason to cancel anything. Like why? These people obviously have zero concept of winter. You know...droves of snow, challenging driving conditions and freezing temperatures. There is no winter in Portland right now, not what I call winter at least.

As you can see in the pic, it is absolutely impossible to safely maneuver around in these horrendous conditions. Much safer to stay at home!

So I went home and ate. Nutella croissants....SO YUMMY!

And then I studied, until my eyes got heavy and I needed a break. I have crammed in so much new information into my brain. I am sure I have forgotten half of it and the remainder is mixed up into confusion with what I do recall and understand.
Not a lot of energy for the blog right now. Sometimes I miss it, writing sure gave me something to do during many boring days and nights spent in Alaska feeling lonely but lately I have been quiet busy with studying and taking care of dogs plus other stuff and I am definitely not feeling lonely anymore. And I don't live in Alaska anymore! I still have a lot say but then I think how many times can I write about what I have already penned over and over again? I might pick up the pace of writing again or not but there will be an occasional blog entry now and then for the time being. There is definitely still a lot to talk about and perhaps some things to get off my chest, maybe. Who knows, I might be writing two entries daily next month if I feel inspired to do so.