Unmotivated

I am tired and unmotivated. So tired mentally that I rather stay in bed all day and alternate between reading, watching Netflix and sleeping. But I can't sleep all day so I have to force myself to get up and do what I have to do because I have responsibilities after all.
I make a mental list of things I would like to accomplish for the day and try to at least do that. The worst part is in the morning when I wake up.....I just want to continue sleeping because everything on the to do list that day feels like a heavy burden and that leads to me feeling anxiety. Even the thought of brushing my teeth and brushing my hair feels overwhelming at times. Getting dressed. Once I am up and get out of the house, things almost always feel easier. I just have to start with getting out of bed.
But right now it is just a lot, lots of stressful things going on. For me.
I even got stress hives a couple of weeks ago, for the first time ever. The back of my upper arm broke out in a red blotches. It was gone the next day. The blotches were gone, not the arm.....
Me at work the other night. It looks like the sweater I am wearing in the picture shrunk in the laundry......so let's jus go with that explanation.



I can actually relax at work, well at one of the clubs the other one not so much. It is so chill there and I know that for the five hours I am there I am in like a cocoon of relaxation.
I bring my laptop and I just unwind. I totally understand why people go to silent retreats, I would go to one if I could bring my laptop.
I need to have at least one month of NOTHING. I think. Or perhaps a week of nothing.
To end this sad feeling entry, I did make some progress today on a task that I have been putting off for about two weeks. And I feel good about that.
So while writing this I looked up silent retreats and there is a place less than two hours away from Portland.
A Vipassana ten day course. It sounds intriguing and I would have no problem following most of the program. You have to be there for ten days, no sex, no talking, only eat vegetarian meals, no killing any being, no eating after noon, no drugs, no alcohol, no reading and no writing (now the two last ones would be hard for me).....there is a list of rules. Again, sounds intriguing. Except one thing. Bedtime is 9 30 pm and I can deal with that but you have to rise at 4 am. Dealbreaker! I seriously love sleeping, I enjoy sleeping.....and 4 am is painfully early. I just can't.