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Stress And Sadness

I have been through lots of stress lately and feeling sadness, sadness related to the stress and also unrelated to the stress. BUT the stress is over. And it was one of the worst experiences that I dealt with so far and it was because of other people, not me. Just more proof that (some) people are shitty people.
Anyhow.....I have spent hours in this room in the last two months. And I collected my first paycheck in a new (for me) field. A field I am not sure that I will pursue. I might or I might not. Right now my feelings towards this field are far from positive. I will give it some more time and gather some more experiences before I decide. But what I really want to do is....write, read and care for animals. Things related to that. That is who I am.

Fall is here. The leaves are yellow, red and orange. They are covering the ground.
It started raining too. Like everyday.

And the is deep. I feel sadness for life and the world. I want to help ALL the animals in need. I see so much misery. I want it all to go away. WHY does it have to be like this? I feel like the character in Edvard Munch's painting 'The Scream'. I tear up several times a day, if I see something sad when I am out driving or when I start thinking about all the misery in this world. Yes, I know there is beauty too but the state of the world and all the suffering, the collective encompassing suffering is deep.
Yesterday I was downtown. I saw Lucy and her human. Lucy gets food from us at Pet Pack on Sundays. Lucy "lives" with her human, well follows him around on the streets of Portland. He is homeless and is hoping to get somewhere to live. Lucy is sad and cold.
I can tell that the constant noise and chaos bothers her. I want to save her. She is 6 and should sleep inside where it is warm on something soft every night. My heart aches. Maybe one day, maybe if I win a lot of money (and I rarely gamble) I can help animals and deserving humans. Maybe. Or maybe a wealthy individual wants to share their wealth and allows me to allocate that wealth to the needy. Like Lucy. And many more like her.


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