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Not Feeling It

I have been down for the last couple of days. I feel burdened with too many responsibilities that I feel are completely unnecessary and having to deal with annoying stuff. I'm so over it, I just want to sleep and not deal with anything. What's the point anyways? Paying bills, being responsible, doing this.....doing that, taking care of a bunch of stuff. For what? So you (I) can just die in the end? Because that is exactly what's going to happen.
I miss my family and friends in Sweden. I talked to my Mom for a long time last night and another friend in Sweden. That made me feel a bit better. I know I am just in a temporary funk, I'm probably going to feel like my normal self soon. But right now......I'm just not feeling it. Same reoccurring thoughts about the meaning of life that I get every so often.
The sun came out a bit today after a few days of hiding behind the clouds, so I got naked and tanned in my yard. Now I have to go and get some food so I can cook something to eat when I get hungry.
Here are the trees outside my bedroom window that I like to look at when I'm laying in bed with my laptop. I get lost in looking at the branches swaying back and forth in the wind and the changing of the seasons.


The weekend is almost over, it's Sunday evening and as usual I made errands earlier, came home, fixed food for me and Chhaya and later on we went for a walk. She is sleeping now, dreaming and kicking her legs, curled up body to body with me. I've been feeling queasy all day. A sick feeling, like nausea and a faint lingering headache. I know exactly what it stems from - smoke exposure. I feel like this on a regular basis after an evening at work. The club here is awful, almost everybody is a heavy smoker and the ventilation is really bad.
There have been times when it's so smoky in the club that I am looking for air pockets so I can breathe. I have to fan the air in front of my face so I can take a breath that doesn't taste like smoke. Of course this is not healthy. To prove my point even more a girl I work with, a non smoker too, told me that she recently went in for a physical. She told the doctor that she is a non smoker but the test results came back saying that she is a smoker. Unbelievable!
The club here in town is the only place where she gets subjected to secondhand smoke and it's obviously so severe that the test results done on her as part of a physical say that she is a smoker. That test result lead to her having to pay more for her insurance. Is this right? Absolutely not. The club should pay that increase, not her.
I think it is extremely irresponsible and selfish of business owners to allow smoking inside their establishments. It's 2015 and everybody knows, or should know how BAD smoking is for your own health if you happen to smoke AND for the people that get exposed to secondhand smoke. It's one thing if you don't care about your health but do not poison other people's health with your cigarettes. That is just WRONG. If you think I am exaggerating do your own research about smoking, secondhand smoke and health, there is plenty to read on the subject.
To prove this point even more, I listened to a radio show earlier this afternoon. Info Track I think it's called and they talked about smoking, health and smoke bans. A professor from University of California San Francisco said that recent studies show that there are a significant amount less cases of heart attacks, strokes and asthma directly related to smoking and exposure to smoke in places where there is a strong ban on smoking. Less visits to the hospital for serious issues like these mean a lesser cost on society, millions are saved.
A stroke is serious business. It's nothing that I aspire to ever have to go through. About half of the country is now covered under strong smoking laws and I really hope the other half follows in that direction. Yes, I get it. It's not easy to quit smoking supposedly. The professor on Info Track said nicotine is more addicting than heroin and cocaine. I don't know, I never been addicted to any substances. But I don't want to feel like I do today on a regular basis because of other people's bad habits. My body is telling me it's poisoned. Sure, it's my choice to work in the club but the way I look at it, it is the club (owner/s) that needs to get with the times and realize that they need to ban smoking. Many other businesses here in town banned smoking already, businesses like restaurants and bars. And they got very positive responses. They obviously cared enough about their employees and the customers that do not smoke and actually smokers are a minority but they seem like a majority here on the Kenai Peninsula. You can still cater to the smokers, build a smoking area outside. It's simple to do. I know that some people don't like to go to the club because of the smoke, I also know smokers that think it's way too smoky in there, so imagine how it feels for non smokers then. And I also know of girls that work a night or a few but then decide that the smoke is too much and don't come back. It would not surprise me if non smokers will start suing the places they work at where smoking is allowed if they develop health problems due to the smoke.
It's easy to say "don't go there if you don't like the smoke"......sure, until YOU or somebody you love gets a stroke, heart attack or lung cancer caused by cigarettes. Then you will understand that health is priceless and you will most like regret all those cigarettes you enjoyed over the years.
I found an article that talks about strip clubs and smoking and I think it brings up many good points and facts. Yeah, smoking is GROSS. It feels so outdated, definitely NOT trendy.
It's time to get with the times and ban smoking in public places. Do whatever you want in the privacy of your home but if you do smoke, I hope that you are smart enough to keep that secondhand smoke away from your kids AND pets (if you have any).
Read the article I referred to here

Shot Dead

In between the very important news about Kim K's growing badonkadonk and pregnancy and that her little sister Kylie gets lip injections, her ass inflated and hangs out with older dudes we also have the news that a massacre took place in Tunisia. Responsibility taken by the Islamic State, again. This is on repeat now. "Tunisian Secretary of State for Security Rafik Chelly told Mosaique FM the gunman was a student previously unknown to the authorities."He entered by the beach, dressed like someone who was going to swim, and he had a beach umbrella with his gun in it," Chelly said." So far 38 people are dead. I say so far because some might be critically injured and not make it.
WHY? WHY? WHY? JUST WHY? This makes me feel a SICK feeling inside.
I have always wanted to go to Morocco, Tunisia and Egypt but I can't say that I want to since a few years now because I feel it's not safe. In fact I would love to go to several other countries in Africa but that might be indefinitely put on hold.
Then we have the "normal" Muslim that beheaded his boss in France. He impaled the severed head on a fence and surrounded the scene with Islamist flags. Yes, "normal" indeed.
ISIS is promising more terror, meaning MURDER.
I so very much admire Marine Le Pen. She is loudly speaking, in my opinion, what needs to be done. I wish more politician were like her. We got Jimmie Åkesson in Sweden, the leader for the party Sverige Demokraterna. He has taken so much shit in Sweden from fellow politicians and been ridiculed so much in general for speaking THE TRUTH, that I am surprised that he has the strength to go on. In Sweden it is a huge mistake to openly sympathize with Sverige Demokraterna, it's not politically correct and you will be labeled a racist and might even lose your job. IN FACT, my brother lost his job because of this. Yep he did. I might not agree with everything Sverige Demokraterna stands for, I think they have some backwards views on some issues that I think they definitely need to work on but regarding their thoughts on immigration issues I agree.
And I am fully aware of that a crazy kid walked into a church last week here in the US and shot dead nine people. The shooter, 21 years old and white, killed nine black people. Terrorism? No, I would not call this terrorism, this is a crazy/confused kid with some serious issues. My guess is that he grew up drinking in a trailer park in the South somewhere. Drinking your formative teen years away in trailer parks does not contribute to much good usually, certainly not a positive personal development. There are plenty of problems in the US, people here are arguing over race and flags but let's not forget that there is plenty of black on black violent and deadly crime (like Chicago aka Chiraq) that should be addressed by Al Sharpton and his followers. But you better believe that ISIS would gladly have every evil non Muslim American and evil non Muslim European killed if they could, white or black doesn't matter. Cause you know what they say - convert or die. Islam......the religion of peace. As you can see.


Of all the years I have picked up and read the Redoubt Reporter I have finally.....finally seen two articles in the SAME issue (Vol.6, Issue 41) that actually touch on subjects that are important to me. Animals and nature. The Redoubt Reporter is a free weekly magazine that comes out here on the Peninsula. It only consists of a few pages, the last issue had 8 and it's mostly filled with one newsworthy story, meaning if there IS any newsworthy story around here that week and some other meaningless scribbles and ads for local businesses to fill up the rest of the space. I could think of SO MUCH they could fill that paper with and even contacted the editor once but she told me that they were not accepting any new writers at that time. Their loss, they really should. One local attorney writes a recurring long article about cameras that usually takes up a whole page, sometimes more. Every week facts about cameras and lenses, I mean every week for years now? He must be a major investor in the paper or something and of course there is an ad for his law firm in there as well. I enjoy taking pictures too but I think they can fill the paper with other real newsworthy stories besides cameras every week. So this past issue finally had something good in it! WOW! First of all, a lady from PETA wrote a letter to the editor titled, "Dogs not meant on chains."
Urging people of Alaska to stop leaving their dogs outside on chains after there was another mauling, this time in a village called Unalakleet, where a chained dog "mauled" a 7 year old. She informs that many states have banned or restricted dog tethering . And urges Alaska to join. Often people living outside of Alaska (outsiders) have this erroneous view of Alaskans as living as one with animals and nature. Far from the truth! I've been here since 2008 and the state of Alaska has plenty of uneducated morons living here with no clue on how to take care of anything besides the bottle of alcohol that keeps them constant company. I see people mistreating their dogs and children often. Dogs on chains are a normal occurrence here, in severe cold and heat they are chained up with little human interaction. Throw them a piece of salmon and they are happy......Driven around town in the bed of pickup trucks in pouring rain because some folks believe that dogs are not supposed to be inside a car, let alone inside a house. I am also completely against events unique to Alaska such as the Iditarod race (animal cruelty) and mushing (again animal cruelty). But you know how people are, they are slow to change.
Has Chhaya ever been in the bed of my pickup truck? Yes, when I wanted to give her a fun experience if I am driving slowly down a road with almost no traffic, like if we are driving to go hiking somewhere. She loves it. But would I ever throw her in the back of the truck and let her sit there while I drive to Anchorage for three or more hours? Of course not. And when I say mushing I don't mean a fun couple of hours of skijoring with your dog/s. I mean the people that keep a stable of dogs, chained outside, thrown food once a day, no human interaction besides when they are taken out on miles upon miles of running while pulling their handlers and tourists.
Now to the next article, more lengthy than the PETA reps letter to the editor. This one talks about ecovandalism around here. The destruction of wilderness areas by illegally cutting down live trees, carving into live trees, peeling bark off live trees and littering. All illegal.
YES, NEWSFLASH - it is illegal to litter! There is litter all over Alaska, more proof for you that this state is full of idiots with NO respect for the land. I never litter. And I can't stand people that litter. Throw your shit inside your apartment or house, not in nature. People that litter really show how uneducated and self centered they are. Here are some snippets from the article that resonated with me, "And each tree plays a part in the overall ecosystem, from nesting areas for birds, to escape spots for porcupine and climbing gyms for bear cubs".
Then this, " If you pack it in, you pack it out. There's no excuse to leave trash in the backcountry, even when it's difficult to carry out. It can harm wildlife, which we see all the time with this kind of thing, and it defaces the wild country for so long. Who wants to come to Alaska for a wilderness experience and see trash?"
If you that read this, YES YOU ......happen to litter than I hope you can make a change and stop. I find it so ironic that Americans loudly talk about how proud they are of the great US of A but then turn around and throw their trash into the same place they claim to love so much. Doesn't make sense, does it?


Cuteness alert! One of my friends came by to eat, relax and shower at my house earlier this evening.

Moosie started out by munching on the grass in the yard, spotted the sprinklers and walked right over and just enjoyed taking a shower for a good 10 minutes. I welcome all the animals to my yard, it's safe here, I would never willingly hurt any of them. I hope Moosie comes back for more.


I have many itchy mosquito bites after the camping trip. They seem to itch like crazy right before I want to go to sleep. Why is that? I have like four on one elbow, same amount on a knee cap and a bunch on my feet and ankles. I need a pedicure, thinking about doing it myself and saving the trip to the salon for next time. Comfy sleeping socks and a good thick lotion for bed.

This is what I looked like when I got up this morning. Hello it Tuesday today? I have to take care of a bunch of boring things today that I have postponed out of laziness.
Just some errands and boring phone calls. Why is is so difficult to make a simple phone call sometimes? It only takes a minute or two and not difficult at all. And I don't mean a phone call to a friend. So I better get going and stop procrastinating any longer so I can wake up tomorrow and feel that I did something productive today. Sigh......being a responsible adult is no fun most of the time!

Tustumena Lake Camping

I got back from camping a few hours ago, that's why I was away from the blog. I left Thursday afternoon and spent four nights on a beach at Tustumena Lake. In a tent of course, with Chhaya and three others ( as company. But now I'm back, sunburnt and dirty. Chhaya is exhausted, she likes camping but she never fully relaxes because she is outside in new surroundings and she is very alert at night, any strange sound and she is fully awake and growling. So she is sound asleep next to me right now, catching up on her sleep.
Here are my camping trip pics.....this was on the was out today with the Tustumena Lake sign.

Getting there.

Tustumena lake is Alaska's 8th largest lake and to me it looks huge, especially when you are bobbing through the waves far out on it in a canoe. The lake is about 25 miles long and receives some of it's drainage from Tustumena glacier that was in clear view from where I camped. The water has that beautiful greenish turquoise tint to it that is typical for the glacier fed lakes here in Alaska.

The white spot in the middle of the mountain chain is the Tustumena glacier.

My tent with a million dollar view.

Reading and relaxing with Chhaya. She took a liking to my new camping chair.

Some of the dead trees on the beach. Imagine bonding with this one on a mushroom trip.....I'm kind of tempted to try it.

Surveying the land for wildlife. We saw some moose. Actually the first night two moose waded in the water right past the tent, I really regret not taking a picture of that, I so missed out on an amazing photo right there! A little porcupine climbed up a tree in the early morning hours by the tent, Chhaya got very excited. And the usual fowl life - loons, sea gulls and other birds that I can't name (I'm far from a hobby ornithologist).

Ready for a shower. I always bring a tweezer, a comb, a mirror and a refreshing face spray.
I also bring face soap, moisturizer (day & night) and my toothbrush and toothpaste when I go camping. Sometimes I use that stuff daily, others not. This time I managed to wash my face and brush my teeth twice. Not bad. I also have allotted clothing that I bring for camping and/or hiking. Like this hooded vest, it's been with me since 2001. I remember when I got it (Vegas at the Diesel store at the Forum Shops). I never wear anything that I'm afraid to get torn, dirty or greasy when camping.


I'm excited cause I got new rain boots! My Hunter boots were so worn and ruined that they seeped in water through many cracks, so after several years of faithful use they are now retired. My replacement pair are super cute dark blue with roses on them by some brand I never seen before, Joules. And I got a really nice and soft hoodie with great details, also by a brand new to me, Naketano. I'm going to have to take pics in the whole getup to show you.

Chhaya wearing the Hunter boots. I remember how excited I was when I got them and I wore them a lot, you need rain and mud boots here in Alaska.


Today it's Midsommar in Sweden, a holiday that dates back to pre Christian times. A pagan holiday if I'm not mistaken, a celebration of summer solstice. I LOVE Midsommar, the whole country is celebrating and it's just beautiful. I'm not in Sweden this year, although I did celebrate Midsommar in Tyresta By last year with my brother and friends. Maybe I can be in Sweden next year and either do the traditional thing at Skansen or take a boat to some island in the archipelago outside Stockholm. Glad Midsommar! I miss Sweden, LOTS! ❤

Throwback Thursday

How old do pics have to be to be considered "old" enough for Throwback Thursday? I'm not 10 years plus valid enough? I also read somewhere that the pics need to be from a different era in your life. Really? I'm not sure about that but here are a few older pics of me. The era when I pulled my underwear up higher on the hips, that was the "fashion" then and had thinner eyebrows. Yikes on both the pulled up undies and the thin eyebrows!
Besides that I think I look pretty much the same, (a bit) younger looking in the pics and double the amount of hair. Ahhhhh.......the memories!

Photographers Pepe, Norm Fisher and Dominic Petruzzi.