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I've decided to take a little road trip, locally. As you can see I packed the essentials. Heels, a little make up bag containing lip gloss and mascara and money. You don't need anything else.

Have you ever wondered what you look like in black light? I have. All blocky looking teeth. Kind of scary.

Well, I' going to throw that suitcase in my truck and get going. Need to stop and get a latte for the road too.


So I spent some time last week watching a few documentaries on Netflix. Let me see if I can focus enough so I can put down my own reflections in words.
I watched Fed Up about many people's eating habits here in the US. Quite interesting. I felt genuinely bad for a larger size teenage boy living at home, desperately wanting to lose weight and improve his health. I can totally see how difficult it must be to try to be healthy and lose weight when both your parents are overweight and make really poor choices when stacking up on groceries that basically consist of processed food only. I guess he can try to change his lifestyle the day he moves out of his parent's house. If you want to lose weight, look into how Penn Jillette did it. I know that I am addicted to sugar, I have a huge sweet tooth. Ever since I was little I liked desserts and I feel like a dinner is not complete without a something sweet to top it off. I would probably turn into a monster if I would attempt to go on a sugar detox. But I also love eating "good" stuff - fruits and vegetables, not to mention that I don't eat meat.
And I am not scared of exercise. Of course all of that doesn't guarantee that I will live a long and disease free quality life. I know of skinny and relatively fit people that supposedly lived a healthy lifestyle that got cancer or other health problems and others that smoke and drink and putter along just fine but at least for NOW I feel good. I do think that it is a parents duty and responsibility to be a good parent and that means make an effort to feed their child/children nutritious food, not only fast food and stuff that comes out of a package full of hormones and preservatives just because it's supposedly cheaper and more convenient.
I don't know if you drink diet soda or drink other beverages full of that fake sugar poison (aspartame for example) BUT if you do, I urge you to stop and get the facts. Letting your kids drink diet soda should be a crime. I've been knowing about the fake sugars and diet sodas for a while, I thought that everybody knew about how bad that is for you.....but no. I would rather drink 5 regular sodas per day instead of one can of diet soda if I had to choose.

Then I watched Girl Model . About the big business of finding young girls in Russia to get sent off to model in Japan. A place where they love the YOUNG and innocent looking, the younger the better! The film crew followed 13 year old Nadya from some village in Novosibirsk.
This poor baby got shipped to Tokyo, not knowing English let alone Japanese with the promise (per her contract) that she was going to get at least two modeling jobs that would pay a total of $8000. She finally landed one job that she wasn't even clear on if she got paid for or not and ended up leaving Japan with a $2000 debt. How is this even possible? Her roommate, another Russian girl was promised the same income and left Japan with a $2500 debt. The contract stipulated that it could be revoked at any time if the girls gained any weight or ONE centimeter in bust, waist or hips. The girls hated being in Tokyo so much that they wished for weight gain just so they could be sent back home. It is SICK to use underage girls like this and send them far away from their parents to be among strangers that can take advantage of them any way they want. Nadya was a truly beautiful and pure girl, a typical teenager from Russia, growing up with her parents and a loving babcia (granny). I felt so bad for her, a heavy burden weighing on her to go and make money as a model to finance for her parent's house back home. How many of these girls go missing each year? Disappear into sex trafficking to never be seen again? Prostitution was casually mentioned in the documentary.
Nadya returned to to her family only to go back to Japan a while later, I bet to have to pay off her "debt" to the agency. That should be criminal, child labor leading to a huge debt.
Another very disturbing aspect of the documentary was Ashley, some woman working as the scout on behalf on the modeling agency. Herself being a former teen model in Japan that remembered hating her time as a model. Ashley seemed seriously disturbed, I would never want her around my kids if I had any. I think that Ashley hates life in general and should go somewhere quiet where she can sort through her obvious issues. Modeling seems so glamorous, I know I was fascinated by it as a teen and still admire pics that I see in fashion magazines. But there is a whole side to modeling that the public often is not aware of.
We only get to see the tip of the iceberg. Far from every model gets discovered as a young teen, a Kate or Gisele success story and proceeds to carve out a very lucrative career for themselves. What happens to the thousands of Nadyas out there? It is interesting to find out that Nadya claims to have not seen this documentary, she is no longer 13 and still models. She feels that she did not get portrayed correctly and is upset. I don't understand how else she could had gotten portrayed? She seems sad, scared and confused throughout the documentary except when she is back home in the village. She clearly states that she wants to go home when in Tokyo, she cries. She leaves with a significant debt. I suspect she feels she has no other choice than to pretend to be offended by the way she was portrayed to secure a continued income from the modeling. How else is she going to make money?
She has been doing this since she was 13. And who would not watch a documentary about themselves anyways? I find that hard to believe.

I also watched something called Kink . Quite an interesting timing because the other night I was at a friend's house and she had rented 50 Shades of Grey that I reluctantly agreed watch. For all the women out there idolizing Christian Grey and his dominant sessions with Anastasia, watch Kink and see what "real" BDSM is about. First of all, let's get one thing straight - the Christian Grey character is a dude with some serious issues OK and Anastasia is just a delusional girl thinking that she will be THE ONE to change him. This is normal, women and girls think that they can change troubled boys and men all the time. Never say never but I think it's safe to say that most of the time that bad boy will not change, no matter how good you are to him or how hard you try. People change when and IF they want to. And sometimes they end up in prison and are forced to conform. And yes, I speak from experience in regards to the trying to change a guy. I think it's sad that 50 Shades of Grey is a movie that might lure young impressionable girls to believe that the relationship portrayed between Anastasia and Christian is something to strive for, that it is romantic and love of some sort. Now back to Kink . It was interesting to watch but a bit boring sometimes. After a while all of that BDSM bores me. I understand that some people like to be dominated and others get off on pain and whatever. I personally don't get why anybody would willingly hang upside down, tied up and gagged with a large machine in between their legs, a machine that makes loud and scary sounds while it works away at somebody's private parts and enjoy that?
I personally would had been terrified. But that's just me. For anybody that might be wondering, I am probably as VANILLA as it gets. Yes, I am a proud vanilla pillow princess. I am not going to bend over backwards to indulge in somebody's anal or deep throat abuse fantasies. Sorry (actually I'm not sorry). I'm not the girl for you then. How about you stick a size large dildo up YOUR ass and show me what a good boy YOU are and gag on an aubergine while looking up at me with large "I'm just a dirty little man slut " eyes until you almost throw up? Huh?! If others want to get tied up, whipped/flogged, get large objects inserted into them, their nipples tortured, spat on, beaten up all in the name of love, pleasure and exciting sex.....GOOD for them, IF it is consensual I should add. I really wondered about how consensual some of the stuff really was in the Kink documentary. I'm sure some of the people endured it only so they could make a buck to be able to pay rent, put food on the table and whatnot. Even if the issue of not faking it was brought up frequently. People fake sex on camera all the time, it's called PORN. But if being "kinky" is what you are into then well, enjoy. Different strokes for different folks.

Now to the last documentary and the one that upset me the most. Tricked . It followed some young girls and their stories about how they ended up being sold for sex. And the pimps facilitating it. First of all I hate pimps and I do not understand how an adult woman would allow a man to treat her like that. But in Tricked you get to see and hear from children getting sold. First you get to see a girl that started prostituting at 17. She said she wanted love and confused the attention she got from selling her body as love. I have seen this a lot.
Young girls, even older but still confused girls and young women wanting attention from guys so badly, that any attention makes them feel validated and seen so they do whatever for that attention.
This happens in different shapes and forms all over the place. Throughout the documentary pimps make the most lamest statements about women. One smug idiot says that ALL women are either whores or prostitutes. ALL women in his twisted mind. Yes, he is talking about YOUR mother and YOUR sister, if you have any of those. Really. I would like to see him in a national debate with Michelle Obama on this topic. Every pimp in this documentary was black, or should I say African American? I don't even know what to call people of African descent in this country anymore, I mean if you say the wrong thing you might incite a riot with destroyed buildings and businesses and the wrath of an indignant Al Sharpton. Whatever you say or write, somebody will get offended and maybe angry. Jeez. Anyhow, every single pimp featured was black except for one scrawny white, or should I say Caucasian (?) dude at the very end. How come so many pimps are black when they make up a smaller percentage of the US population? Just an observation that I'm sure more people than me have reflected over. And please do not sit there and blame that you came from bad circumstances, not privileged and yadda yadda yadda, OK? That excuse is beyond tired and needed to get retired last year. This is America, fuck you can even become the President if you work hard enough. Shoot for the stars baby! One girl was sold on the street when she was eleven. Yes, eleven. There are men out there that willingly pay to have sex with a MINOR. Her pimp took her virginity and then made a nice chunk of money of her cause her young tight body sometimes put $1500 in his pocket daily. I don't even know what to say anymore regarding this.
Thinking about it just makes me feel a dark hole in my heart and sadness. Like how do you even start to deal with this problem? What do you do? I SO admire the people that are out there fighting to control these problems, trying to prosecute pimps and put them in jail and get young girls off the streets. I think that every guy that gets busted for buying an underage girl for sex should have his picture blasted on the front page of the local newspaper.
Maybe that would work as a deterrent for some of them. How do you NOT care or see that some of these girls are OBVIOUSLY too young to be selling themselves for sex? Looking for sex on Craigslist or Backpage and then proceed to buy sex in some motel room screams WRONG and risk for disease in so many ways. I am also surprised over how cheap it is to buy sex. Cheaper than buying groceries. I spend more money on my latte and groceries daily than the cost of sex. How is this possible?
Now some people might say that I am a prostitute because I am a dancer aka stripper.
To some it might be the same thing. To me it is not. Being almost nude or nude in public place (strip club) and having somebody's penis inside of you are two completely different things to me. But there will always be people that insist it is the same thing, all kinds of people from women feminists to angry significant others. When in fact I (and I know other dancers too) can count the penises I've had intimate contact with in the last decade or so on one hand and get a few fingers left over. So much for a prostitute for you. Now how do I feel about LEGAL prostitution? I am conflicted and undecided. Because I can't decide if it truly IS a victimless crime across the board or not. Of course some women are in total control of their affairs as prostitutes and that I can only applaud. Because that is exactly the way it should be. I want to emphasize that there is just AS MUCH "stigma" to pay for a prostitute as there is to be one. Do not think for a second that you are any better than a prostitute if you pay women to have sex with you (in case you look down on prostitutes that is). If anything, you are the needy and pathetic one. And if you happen to buy sex from underage children and/or trafficked women, then you should get prosecuted. So it's probably better and safer for everybody in general to stay clear of questionable cheap sex in seedy motel rooms. Now, do things happen in strip clubs that should NOT happen in strip clubs? Sadly, yes. I have worked in clubs where the rules are STRICTLY enforced and I think that is great. Then I have also worked in clubs where all kinds of shady stuff are happening and management chooses to turn a blind eye because they are driven by money only. This I do not like. I have spoken up but learned that it's usually fruitless to do so, it leads to empty promises of change or even firing. That does not mean that I engage in those activities. I'd rather make ZERO dollars feeling happy, clean and sane than whatever amount if that means doing something I am not OK with. I am always the boss at work. Always. No exceptions. In the strip club I am the domme when it comes to me and my body. I can turn from a smiling angel to somebody you do not want to mess with within seconds if you cross me.
Now here are some stills from Tricked . Ponder for a while how you would feel if that was you, forced into prostitution as an eleven year old. Or if that was your own child......

Another documentary that recently got out on Netflix is called Hot Girls Wanted , it's next on my to watch list. Girls think that they can become the next Jenna Jameson or Kim K by doing porn. Young girls. You know barely 18, a hot commodity in the porn industry. Well, Jenna was successful and now I don't even think that she has custody of her children anymore and seems to be a mess. Kim K got lucky, she had connections already and yes, she did have sex on camera but with her boyfriend at the time, not some random dudes that DP'd her OK. Huge difference. These girls searching for fame through porn are delusional. No, chances are very slim that you will blow up to Kim K fame after you "star" in some porn movies. But never say never I guess.


May 28 - Chhaya's birthday is coming to an end. We are laying in bed, she shared some cherries with me. Just a few and then she decided that she had enough. We had a good day. Lots of being outside in the sun. It's light out until late now and I LOVE that, probably my favorite part of living in Alaska, the late days. I wish it was like this year round.

Now I am thinking about taking a bath (maybe), then find something interesting to watch on Netflix (maybe), or perhaps call my Mom and some friends in Sweden and then go to sleep.


It's Chhaya's birthday today! 10. NO WORDS can describe what Chhaya means to me, she is my baby, my friend, my big love......I am SO grateful that she is in my life. I love her so much. ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

Scrap Book

I finally got a lot done today. I had so much paperwork to go through, organize and put away. Receipts, mortgage statements, bills, letters, cards.....most of everything has a folder or a specific place. I'm one of those persons that likes to keep my stuff in order. Although it sometimes looks like a complete mess before the order takes place, this time I "only" procrastinated for about a month.....Well, I feel really good that I got all of that done.
And while doing that I came across my new pink scrap book and decided that I would start putting it to use, starting tonight. My old scrap book is full, cover to cover with stuff and this pink one will be my new one. What I do is collect small clippings from magazines, pics, post cards etc that I feel mean something to me. It could be anything from the Mumintrollen postcards that I picked up in Sweden to a picture of a beautiful long braid that I got from a fashion magazine. I'm going to put Fairy Queen on the first page (very fitting I think) followed by the card that says "It's so exhausting being fabulous!". That card used to be up in my locker at the Bush Company and later on my fridge. It's very me.

My last scrap book took years to fill. Sometimes I forget all about it. Once a friend saw me fiddle around with my scrap book and said only tweakers do stuff like that. Really? Having a scrap book is a tweaker occupation? You should see my photo albums then!

Now to a local even that took place this past weekend and no I did not attend. The Trapper Creek Bluegrass Festival. What is it......well let me just directly quote from the article I found at written by Victoria Barber.
"Trapper Creek Bluegrass, perhaps Alaska's quirkiest festival, is located on about 40 acres of land called Boot’s Bison Ranch off the Parks Highway. The event is part music fest and part installation art show, with an atmosphere that's like a house party in a gypsy caravan that is also throwing a yard sale.
Trapper Creek Bluegrass Festival is as close to Burning Man as you’ll find in Alaska, drawing a crowd of counter-culture, artistically minded individuals who -- it must be said -- know their way around a hallucinogen or two. Held two weekends of the summer, over Memorial Day weekend and in August, it's gained popularity largely through word of mouth.

Should I bring a child to Trapper Creek Bluegrass Festival?
There are usually some children at Trapper Creek and there is a somewhat sheltered camping area reserved for families, but the answer probably depends on how you feel about your child being in the same general area as loose dogs, derelict cars and boats and hundreds of adults who are drunk and/or tripping balls.

Will I enjoy Trapper Creek if I’m sober?
Perhaps you’re that rare kind of person who has a good time while sober and surrounded by friends and strangers who are partying. You find it delightful and entertaining when someone randomly whips out a howling rendition of Tracy Chapman’s “Fast Car” at 5 a.m. by your tent, or includes you as a prop in their impromptu poi performance. However, if sober you finds this kind of behavior intensely irritating, the answer is: maybe for a few hours or an afternoon. Probably much not longer than overnight."

When I read the "howling rendition of Tracy Chapman’s “Fast Car” at 5 a.m. by your tent" I started laughing HYSTERICALLY here in my bed. Chhaya woke up at started staring at me all wild eyed and hopeful that it was playtime. THAT is some funny shit......that's a festival for you! I'm sitting here thinking about Burning Man wishing I was back at the Playa surrounded by thousands of fun drunk and/or tripping balls people. GOOD TIMES!


I've been having some lemon cravings for a while now. When I was in Omaha last October, me and Mandy went out to eat and each got some kind of a lemon cupcake or something with's been so long now that all I can recall is that it was something lemon and REALLY good. So good we would talk about it several times afterwards.
A few months ago I discovered this Häagen-Dazs - Limoncello. One week I ate five of these, yes five. SO GOOD! I could probably eat one a day. I'm craving one badly right now!

Last week I went to dine at a local place here in Kenai called The Flats Bistro. I tried the lemon crème brulée. Best part of dinner is dessert, right? Well, I could not stop thinking about that crème brulée so I had to go back for some more a few days ago. So worth a visit!

Last year Julia told me about Noosa yoghurt, I am now addicted. If you have not tried Noosa yet, you have to! I love most of their flavors but lately I have been stuck on the lemon. YUMMY!


It's Memorial Day here in the great US of A. I was home last night and watched some footage on TV of people lost in war and others talking about lost loved ones, so sad. I cried a bit.
I hate war and all that it brings but then who doesn't?

And then I found out that John Nash and his wife Alicia died in an completely unnecessary accident. Got even more sad. I've been reading about Nash's thoughts on "consumers of mental health organizations" and I very much agree. It's kind of scary that people are blindly medicating themselves without thinking about the consequences, or caring it seems. Sure.....I know that medications help people, even I take a pill once in a while if I have a headache or bad menstrual cramps but I also believe that medications do more harm than good for some. Children and TODDLERS are taking antipsychotics, antidepressants and stimulants.
The numbers of kids on medications seems to be increasing. My opinion on that in short is, WTF? Anyhow, both Nash and his wife were brilliant and and I think it is very sad that they died.

Curiosities Of Charlie's

I work in a small club in the middle of nowhere when I'm in Alaska. The club is very interesting, the decorations are definitely not what you would expect to see in a Spearmint Rhino or any larger club in a big city. When I first came to Alaska to work I started at the Great Alaskan Bush Company in Anchorage. That was like nothing I had ever seen before, I thought that place was very strange looking and rustic. Not the usual comforts I was used to from the clubs I had worked at before in Las Vegas. And then I arrived at Good Time Charlie's in Soldotna and was like WTF, is this place REAL???!! Now I had never seen anything like THAT before. Since that first night I started, years ago now, the club has definitely improved look wise, Boss Lady has done a lot to add to the charm of the club and I have done some too besides showed up there to work. ;-) But Boss Lady is responsible for most.
Good Time Charlie's is such an interesting place that Charlie (yes, Charlie actually exists and is the owner) even got contacted by some production company that wanted to talk to him about a possible reality TV show after they had came across MY blog, thank you very much. But Charlie declined the offer. I am VERY disappointed because if there is ANY strip club out there that deserves its own reality show it is Good Time Charlie's! SERIOUSLY We would blow up bigger than "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" and "The Duggars" combined without any of that child molestation crap. We only molest grown men (sometimes women too) and take their money, plus we look good doing it. Somebody needs to alert TLC and tell them to contact Charlie about a reality show that will blow all the other reality shows out of the water! Nobody wants to watch a family with 19 kids and questionable practices anymore, or Mama June making "Sketti" when they can watch our hijinks at Charlie's!

I'm going to show you some of the curiosities of Charlie's.
First of all, the mysterious shoes that are lined up on top of some lockers. Not your typical looking stripper shoes. Why were they left behind? Did the owner/s of the shoes walk out of the club barefoot that night or in their platform stripper heels? Were they in a hurry?
I have an offer for any used shoe enthusiasts out there too good to be refused! If you see a pair of shoes in this line up that you are interested in, let me know and I will send them to you. All you have to pay is shipping costs. See how generous I am to my fellow human beings?

Now check out these shoes that are just sitting alone in a locker accompanied by a cigarette and a curling iron. Talk about mysterious! This can be the beginning of a crime novel. Where is the girl that wore these white, size 10 chunky heels, brand "Anna"? Did she curl her hair and chain smoke cigarettes? I will ship these too but since I feel that these shoes come with an air of mystery attached to them, you will have to pay shipping AND give me a $150 donation.
I will throw in a Good Time Charlie's t-shirt as well. Let me know what size t-shirt you want and color (black or white).

Here is our announcement board. I am responsible for most of the content on it, except the thank you note from the no kill animal shelter in Nikiski that I personally delivered the money to that we collected at work (don't ever say that strippers never contribute to anything good OK!), where to park your car, the curling iron issue and when to get paid for dances.
I personally never take money upfront for danced and I never had problems with getting paid.
If somebody would try to walk out of the club without paying for dances from me I would swiftly throw my seven inch heel in the back of their head, then kick them in the crotch with the other foot that still had a heel on it. See if you'd like that treatment! Amazingly there are some people that do, I need to write a blog about that! Personal experience actually.

I love the information pamphlets about chlamydia, genital warts and herpes. I picked those up at Planned Parenthood. At Christmas time I decorated the club's Christmas tree with them. You should put some STD pamphlets up on YOUR tree next Christmas, that will for sure be a great conversation starter when your relatives come over for dinner!

Now this is a basket full of rolled up dollars, also known at Charlie's as money balls. This is usually how we get tipped on the bar stage. If nobody is tipping, Boss Lady will loudly yell, "Throw her some money boys!!!" and that takes care of the problem. I sometimes spend 30 minutes or more/night unrolling dollar bills. It's not unusual to find fives in there, sometimes tens and twenties. The other night somebody donated a $50 bill to me. I must had looked hungry or miserable in order to get a bill that large.
I am certainly not complaining about unrolling dollar bills. There are definitely worse problems out there! Like having no money at all. I can't even imagine!

I love this sign. Yes, if you complain at Charlie's you will get bitch slapped. Usually Boss Lady administers the bitch slaps but when her hands get tired we have plenty of other aggressive ladies that will gladly take over. Please pay us a visit to find out for yourself!
I also love my new bra. Pretty, huh? The other night somebody thanked me more than once and told me that I am truly "a gift to this land" when I got off stage. I collect unusual compliments and this one will be added to the list. Super sweet!

I have more curiosities of Charlie's to show but will save those for another time. I can't let you have all of our goodies at once!

New Tray

Found a new mermaid today. on a tray. I like the way this mermaid looks with her long flowing hair, mermaids kind of need to have long's part of their look. I get told a lot that I remind people of a mermaid. What do you do with a tray like this? I'm not sure yet, I can use it as a decoration/art piece only or put it to use and keep my keys and change on it.

I don't have much more to say today. It's gray and rainy out, I feel very tired and unmotivated. Full on PMS mode here. I think I am going to take a nap together with Chhaya on her doggie bed. I sometimes sleep on her bed, curled up tightly with her. Check back tomorrow for a more enthusiastic (hopefully) update. It's nap time for me.
Here is a kind of old mermaid-y pic of me.....going on 3 years soon. I need more mermaid style pics!

Wednesday Night Fever

I finally went to work after about a week and a half break. See this is why I don't know if I could ever have a "normal" job with a set schedule. I like to take breaks and do what I want, meaning sleep, be with Chhaya, read, watch movies, write, think about the meaning of life, take baths etc. Of course not having a schedule can make you lazy, unmotivated and feel slightly crazy, I get like that once in a while. When I feel that slight craziness creep on I go to work and that takes care of that problem right away. I noticed that if I don't work for too long I don't feel well, therefore I don't understand how people that don't work or do anything besides sit at home all day long feel good? I need to find a J. Howard Marshall QUICK before I get too old for even a J. Howard Marshall, then I can sit around and drink sweet iced tea, mingle with the other ladies that do lunch and get seriously involved in charity. ;-)
Last night was kind of slow. In the beginning it was awful, three confused and inbred looking weirdos just sat there with their mouths agape and a very inebriated (it's a normal condition around here) older guy sat down next to me and attempted to have a "conversation".
He informed me of owning three houses in Costa Rica, owning a car (nooooooo way!!!) and wanted to take me sailing plus a bunch of other meaningless mumbo jumbo. Asked what my name was at least five times, short term memory problems apparently. Then he said that he was a millionaire and needed somebody to give his money to. I asked him if he has any kids. Yes, one. I said give the money to your kid. The girl that would had been all over his imaginary stories about houses in Costa Rica and a fat saving account was not present last night.
She would had sucked his wallet dry within 45 minutes, pocket change included. Then she would had him take her grocery shopping after work, him footing the bill of course.
I can't stand being around annoying and drunk people so I suffered politely for ten minutes and then excused myself. So thinking about it, I would rather be poor and alone with the company of animals (like Brigitte Bardot) than to have to spend my days "sailing" with somebody like that. Torture! No J. Howard Marshall for me when I really analyze the situation. LOL. I was just kidding about that anyways. I am so not a gold digger.
My ensemble for the evening. The pink bow in the bra and the pink trim in the panties really pop in the black light.

My Wednesday Night Fever pose.....Tony Manero style. I need to watch that movies again, say what you want about John Travolta nowadays, Scientologists are creepy to me but man could he DANCE back in the day!