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Bath And Brushes

It's past 2 am and I am up and wide awake. I heard on Coast To Coast the other night that people that like to stay up late at night are more intelligent than the ones that go to bed early. Not only that, people that stay up late are also prone to be anti establishment, they want to expand their mind and they are also more open minded. I don't know, read for yourself, there are plenty of articles to be found on the subject. If I had to get up at 6 am to go to work it wouldn't make any sense for me to stay up until 3 or 4 am (which is my usual bedtime when I'm not working) because I can't function unless I get adequate sleep. I have always been a night person though. Something happens to me at night, I want to do stuff.
Tonight (after getting some stuff crossed off my to do list) I took a bath and scrubbed myself and washed my hair. Put a honey mask on my face. Right now I use Manuka honey, I massage a rather thick layer of honey onto my face and leave it for at least 20 minutes. These are the products I used, in case you are curious and into hair and skin care.

Now let's talk about brushes. I have a Clarisonic Mia face brush - I love it. While in Sweden I got a face brush from a store called Iris Hantverk, they make brushes for your body and your home, made mostly from natural products. So I got a face brush (the one that is made to be used wet, they have one to be used dry also) and a nail brush. I clean my body with scrubbing gloves almost every time I take a bath. Sometimes I make a body scrub at home from brown sugar and olive oil......or coffee grinds and olive oil. I also have a body brush but I never use it, although I sometimes make a mental note and a promise to myself that I should start and then I forget . Brushing your body is supposedly really good not only for the skin but also for blood circulation and the lymphatic system, plus so many other benefits. I really should start dry skin brushing. After all, the skin is the largest organ.
I think everybody should have a quality face brush. If you don't want the Mia, then I do recommend Iris Hantverk, you can order a brush at and the prices are in Swedish krona. That store is great.


Last year I thought I was going to do something great for my hair and coated it from the scalp to the tips in coconut oil and let the oil sit for 24 hours before washing it out. I did this a few times (maybe three). I started noticing a significant hair loss by Christmas and that went on for several months, I think it has stopped now......I really hope so! Yes, I am aware of the normal rate of losing hair, 50-100 strands a day is normal but mine would come out way more than that. It was either the coconut oil that clogged my hair follicles and made the hair fall out or my hair was going through the natural cycle of growth, rest and shedding.....I'm not sure. My hair that once was thick and cascaded down my back does not look like it used to anymore. I still have a lot of hair (compared to many) but it's not the same. It is so much thinner than it used to be. My braids used to look thick and they were heavy. Not anymore. Maybe in ten years I will have my hair back......and then it will start thinning again at some point due to aging. Yeay, FUN times lie ahead! When I was in Sweden I got some hair vitamins, I am going to start taking them now. Like tonight.

A pic from a past photo shoot that was deemed unusable....therefore you can see a red line that was drawn through the pic. My hair used to be so nice.......

I'm sitting here debating if I should drive and get some ice cream (feeling lazy) or if I should just stay at home, make myself some tea and be content with that.

No Hunting

Yesterday morning (well afternoon but morning for me) my neighbor Shelley came over with two of those Private Property plates that people put in their yard, driveway etc. She gave the plates to me, I think I need to have her over for some apple pie or something (HI Shelley)....... ;-)
There are so many people driving up and down the roads by my house looking to shoot moose and it's annoying me and everybody else that lives where I do. Look, go out in the wilderness and satisfy your thirst to shoot an animal and eat the meat. I think the whole,
"I need meat in my freezer" comes secondary for most of the people out hunting.
The number one reason is the hunt itself and the feeling they get when they kill that animal. Barbaric.
The other day I was walking Chhaya and two large dudes in a truck pulled up and asked me if I've seen any moose. NO, I have not and if I had I wouldn't be telling you anyways. I don't understand why car after car slowly drives up and down the road where I and several other families obviously live. Can you not see that you are in a populated area? Do I want some trigger happy and possibly drunk dude creeping around my property (8.5 acres) with a rifle ready to shoot everything that moves? HELL NO. I walk Chhaya in the forest around my house, I have no interest in getting shot at. It should be illegal to hunt where people live. Like I said, if you want to hunt for moose go do so where there are no people living! Alaska is huge, don't hang around where I live. I was out for close to two hours last nigh and counted eight trucks and cars driving up and down my road. WTF!? Really now. I'm going to put up a bunch more of those Private Property/No Hunting/No Trespassing signs and start patrolling the roads on foot with my AR-15. Tony Montana style.

Stuff That I Do

What do you do? People ask me that all the time. Well, I work. So I can survive and take care of my Chhaya and all my other responsibilities. I drink latte everyday, my fave place for latte around here is Kaladi. I write (that's why you are here reading) and I love to read, I'm addicted to books and magazines. I got some new books to dig into. I eat, today I had pizza and afterwards I felt like a big dough ball and had to take an after dinner nap like an old lady.
I spend time with my baby Chhaya. I take a lot of pics, some to have for myself and some to use for the blog so you have something to look at that goes along with the reading.
This was me last night, I made latte money to last me for about three months. I talked about topics ranging from Weird Al Yankovic to the situation in Iraq. I went on stage, strutted around like a peacock and collected money. I love my body chain, I will wear it until I get another one that I like better.

I noticed that the mirror needs to be cleaned. That's the reason for the pic, to show you the dirty mirror.

Very yummy, I sprinkle cinnamon on top. You should too.....cinnamon does lots of good for your health. Just don't eat it by the spoonful, everything in moderation.

Chhaya looking beautiful as always. Look at the pretty fireweed flowers....I love the color.

Lately I've been getting pizza on Sundays......then I feel lazy and don't want to do anything. Tonight I'm going to start reading the book on top, I'm looking forward to it.

Now you know some of the stuff that I do. To find out more you just have to keep on reading my blog.

Porn Star Drama

Let's steer the attention away from all the drama surrounding the boat in Kodiak for a moment and look into some recent porn star drama. Although I will return to more Wild Alaskan drama soon. See, I went to work last night and girls are talking/gossiping and false information is given. Listen BITCHES, I am sober, drug free and level headed. If you want a reliable account you should listen to me. Unless your ass has physically been on that boat you really do not know what you are yapping about. Thanks.
Now back to the porn stars......
A few years back Sasha Gray made headlines for breaking into mainstream films, for example The Girlfriend Experience , a role on Entourage and whatever else she might have been involved with since. What was controversial was the fact that she was an adult film actress dipping her toes into mainstream film and TV and also how outspoken she was about her porn career. She felt empowered by performing in porn she claimed. Well, good - I would hope she would feel something positive at least. Sasha was notorious for doing rather rough and out there porn. I looked some of it up and one clip that I saw involved her and a large group of men (15?) that had rather rough sex with her, all ejaculated in her mouth, she collected everybody's semen in her mouth before she swallowed. The clip I saw looked very unsanitary and rather disturbing (to me). Men stepping on her face, putting their feet in her mouth and using no protection either. Sasha appears crazy, it's rather sad to watch.
Having said that.....the guys in that movie with her are just as crazy. If not more. Now reports are coming out that Sasha recently filed a restraining order on her ex boyfriend/fiance, Ian Cinnamon (sounds like a pimp name to me) claiming that he became violent towards her and that it was him in fact that lured her into doing porn. A guy lured her into doing porn, she started at 18 may I add. There is also an age difference in between them, when he started dating Sasha she was a teenager and he was close to 30. Go figure. To me Sasha seems like a dark and troubled girl from what I have gathered. If making that kind of porn made her feel empowered well, then I guess more power to her. But the trend in porn is always pushing the boundaries and it seems to be on the female actresses expense, I'm talking about mainly heterosexual porn now. It's becoming more violent, rough and the women are treated awful. I feel bad for them, I do. Look, I watch porn once in a while but there is some stuff out there that is insane and should be illegal, even though it falls under the First Amendment. I did research Max Hardcore and Khan Tusion and I don't like what I've found all. In their world women are meatholes, to be used and abused and often they have barely legal girls do their films. I wonder what happens to the girls next.....after that movie or movies are shot. And I wonder how that makes some men view women and sex in general. It's seriously sickening.

Now to another porn star, Christy Mack. I only look at a few people's Instagram and one of them is Christy's. I like her. She seems like a sweet girl, she lives in Vegas, she has two pitbulls and two ferrets that she takes for walks. She looks so cute, happy and bubbly in many of her pics and she seems to be an animal lover. Well, she is in the hospital right now (from the reports I read) severely beaten by her boyfriend "War Machine" some MMA fighter guy (real name Jonathan Koppenhaver). War Machine is currently on the run (no shit, will he give up alive?). He has a several other violent incidents on his record......he beat up an ex girlfriend and supposedly Christy at least once before and other people too (not in the ring). And here comes the GOLDEN SENTENCE I came across when reading about War Machine's prior violent one article it says "Are you beginning to see a pattern of behavior emerge?" THAT is going to apply to Wild Alaskan in Kodiak in a future blog.......
Christy is a petite girl. I can't even imagine trying to defend myself against a guy of War Machine's caliber. Look I'm 5'9 and last time I weighed myself I was 130 lbs. Most guys are heavier and physically stronger than me, so most likely I would not stand much of a chance if some guy would decide to beat me up, unless I manage to gouge his eyes out or kick him where it hurts really quick and I can fight. I don't fight girls (I call the cops, have you arrested and you will pay me for pain and suffering - he he) but guys......if you touch me you better know that I will fight back. My temper is very hot.....from 1 -100 in a matter of seconds.
I feel bad for Christy and I hope that her dogs are OK. What if he hurt them too? And the other animals. I don't know what provoked the fight, there are only speculations at this point. BUT let's say a guy would cheat on me or something like that, I would be on the verge of homicidal so I know that when there is love there is passion and sometimes that passion can quickly turn violent. I have been in some heated moments in relationships that turned physical (I am not going to be a hypocrite here and pretend that I haven't) but I have never been the abused girlfriend, scared of some guy. Never. If anything the guys have been scared of me. As they should. I have never been badly beaten, dealt with the police and/or restraining orders. I have never been in a relationship where fighting, even verbally was an everyday thing. No thanks.
Christy has been getting a lot of really negative comments about that this is her own fault for being with him and bla bla bla. Look, they probably did and still do love each other. I think they made a good looking couple. Maybe it's difficult for her to leave for whatever reason. Nobody knows but her. At least there are no children involved (only animals). Christy will hopefully do what's best for her. I hope she will quit porn soon (she has expressed that wish herself) and do something else.
When discussing porn in the past I have said that I think 18 is too young for girls to start porn. After the recent Sasha Grey statements about being lured into porn (even if not true) I firmly still believe that girls should be at least 21 before being allowed to do porn. I actually would push the age even higher, 23. So they can make a mature and informed decision. Having a group of men all ejaculate in your mouth might seem cool to a confused and easily coerced 18 year old girl seeking affirmation in all the wrong places whereas a more mature 23 year old can hopefully make a better decision about something like that.
Christy, I don't know you but I hope you get better soon and I wish you happy life! XOXO from your fan Tatiana. ❤

Dancers Talk

So......I did say that dancers talk to each other, good AND bad stuff about the clubs we work at. There are plenty of places where we can share and view information besides the dressing room. Here is what two girls that went out to the Wild Alaskan in Kodiak have to say about it. They arrived and worked there after I had already left. I consider one of the girls my friend and the other girl an acquaintance, I have worked with both in the past. I did not have anything close to the experiences they had, although I have some stuff to add myself.
But that will be another blog/s. I have quoted them as they told it (at an online forum for dancers only) except I am using the initials D and K for the owners of the Wild Alaskan instead of writing out the full names.

"My experience on the Wild Alaskan Kodiak was a nightmare. We didn't have power on the boat all the time, made it pretty cold at night when you were trying to sleep in the little cubbies. We only had hot water for maybe two hours in the afternoon. We also did not have the freedom to get on and off the boat. The majority of the windows go uncovered, so when we are open during the day and night not only would everyone be able to see inside the boat, but you would dance in daylight...NUDE...until it got dark. D and K are on drugs. You can see it in their eyes, the way they clench their jaws, and obviously their erratic behavior. D will find little reasons to yell at you about weird and random things, or just make something up. He is a liar. Both would act like assholes then apologize later and act as if everything was completely normal. He also gets off on watching the girls on stage. The Russian girls they had working when I was there, without going into detail, were also a complete nightmare to work with. I think anyone who endures that boat for that long probably has a few screws loose also. Living with other dancers 24 hours a day in close quarters...not ideal. When I left, I was prepared to fight my way out. I was told to get the fuck off the boat, but I couldn't leave until I gave them more money. I could tell D wanted to get physical but held back. I also wouldn't have put it past anyone else to physically harm me. Oh, and let me tell you one of the first things he said to me when I arrived, before I knew he was nuts. "We have a lot of guns on this boat, and we know how to use them. You'll be safe here, everyone in town knows I mean business and won't even think to mess with the boat" Very comforting that this psychopath has access to a lot of guns. I had other plans to explore Alaska when I was there, but that experience messed with my head so much I traveled 36 hours and spent all the money I made to go straight back home. I've walked down the streets of New Orleans at 5am and have been less scared than I was there."

"Hello ladies I wanted to give you an update on the Wild Alaskan. After being on the boat for 2 weeks horrible things are happening. Today I had to call 911 to come and get me off the boat. The owner D has a horrible temper and he put his hands on me and pushed me to the ground. When I told him I was going to call the cops he took my phone and computer away from me and hide them. Bob D's friend got D to calm down then D left to go into town that's when I found my phone and computer that he took from me and I called the cops. The police came in their boat and helped me get my luggage on their boat that is when D returned and tried to take my luggage from the police. When I got to the police station a federal detective interviewed me along with city cops. The city is pressing charges on D for domestic abuse and he is under federal investigation. Ladies it is not safe there after all.

"Hello beautiful ladies, I'm in the process of creating a niche website for the dancer community. The aim of the website is to inform exotic dancers through out the country of dangerous and abusive strip club ownership/management. As traveling dancers are on the rise, we need more information and resources we can refer to, to help us analyze a new club and make an informed decision before we book a flight or drive to our next location.
After having a dangerously terrifying experience with a strip club owner in Kodiak Alaska, I'm taking the responsibility upon myself to create this much needed website. How will the information be gathered? By the dancer community reaching out and sharing anonymous 1st hand, personal, truthful stories of abuse, danger, and unprofessionalism in ownership/management of certain strip clubs across the country."

Stay tuned for more.......

Lot On My Plate

I've had a stressful week. I have a lot on my plate right now. GAAAAAAH!!!!! Chhaya went to the vet as you know, she is on antibiotics and I'm doting on her and making sure she is OK.
I have an extremely annoying and crazy person in my life that I have been dealing with for years now but I think our "relationship" might be coming to an end soon. Thank goodness! Right now she is creating problems and being her psycho self and annoying and no, it's not some insane lesbian you might think I'm involved with, it's not THAT kind of relationship......
I also had a bunch of stuff lying around at home that I have slowly been digging into, paperwork and such. I like my stuff organized, put away and my house clean. That's how I am. I don't like messy. Then all the drama with the Wild Alaskan boat in Kodiak that's been happening. I still haven't said much about it here, besides when I was there I put up pics and stuff. Well, things have taken a rather interesting turn since I got back from that adventure but like I said I haven't said much......yet.
Tomorrow I am going to Kaladi. Then I have to send out some stuff, write a letter and hopefully get a break from the crazy person I've been dealing with. I am actually looking forward to working tomorrow night so I can have other things on my mind. Sometimes working is like a break from reality, when my reality is too much.
Having said all that, I got back from a long walk with Chhaya not too long ago. It's almost 11 pm here and dark, no more going jogging around midnight unless I run with a headlamp. Chhaya is good, I woke up with her laying back to back with me, very close. That made me happy. She is a snuggly cuddler. I am going to be up for a few more hours, I am a night owl.
I get creative and want to do things at night.
I do have something AMAZING to look forward to this month......BURNING MAN! I looked through my pics from last year and words can describe it, really. I will be talking to God again, telling God how thankful I am to be able to have this experience again........and just enjoy every minute on that playa to the fullest. Plus I am going to DANCE! OMG......DANCE,
I so miss dancing to good music!!!!!

Not OK

So here are some bears that were minding their own business (I'm guessing) when some guy (most likely) shot and killed them and now this one can be viewed at the Best Western in Kodiak.

And this one at the airport in Kenai.

This is not OK in my opinion. I am against all trophy hunting, I get upset and saddened by it.
I love animals and because I love animals I eat next to no animal meat, I do drink/eat milk products and eggs, I do wear animal products although I try to be increasingly aware on that point. So I'm not perfect. Giving up meat was not difficult, I very rarely crave it or miss it. Everybody can and should cut down on their meat intake, I think we are brain washed to believe meat should be on the menu daily.
What was the point to put these two beautiful bears in some glass monters? Bragging rights? What good do they do stuffed in a monter?
I don't get it. I will never have any kind of animals hanging on my walls or on my floors as decoration, unless it's a picture or painting. I know that animals have feelings. Who are we to kill and destroy everything on this planet? One day we will deeply regret these actions, just like this Native American (I think) tells it, "When the last tree is cut, the last fish is caught, and the last river is polluted; when to breathe the air is sickening, you will realize, too late, that wealth is not in bank accounts and that you can’t eat money."
My new moose friend. I hope he will roam the forest and live unharmed. You want some moose antlers on your wall? Whatever. Do something useful with yourself instead of hunting for innocent animals.


What a day! I am TIRED, mentally. First me and Chhaya had the vet appointment, I like my vet here, her name is Doctor Mary. Doctor Mary has a pitbull mix, a boy that is the same age as Chhaya, he too gets himself into trouble sometimes, she calls him her problem child and that is exactly what Chhaya is to me, she is my beloved problem child. That is what Albert Hofmann referred LSD as, did you know? Chhaya got a week's worth of antibiotics and a few days worth of pain and anti inflammatory meds, she is already doing better. Jumping around, being funny and full of energy on our walk earlier. She can do no wrong, I look at her and my heart melts.

Being at the vet is kind of sad. There was a poor dog with a broken back there. I heard other dogs barking anxiously. Then there is this hanging on a wall. I can't even read it without crying. I have asked God/The Higher Power several times to never separate me and Chhaya, I want to find Chhaya when I die and be with her, wherever it might be - forever. I feel the same way about my closest family and a few other people that I love. Now I am thinking about life and death again and the meaning of this struggle on Earth we call living life......
After the vet I had a bunch of other rather stressful things to deal with, therefore I am tired now. I am glad today is over. I'm going to go to sleep soon and I'm looking forward to getting some rest.

Some Pics

Here are some pics from that photo shoot I did in May (?) at South Fork Falls in Eagle River.
I am not that happy with the results, these two pics are the best and they are not exactly my best pics I have taken......but whatever, that's how it is sometimes.

Besides that, I have been cleaning tonight. Chhaya is not doing good. She was fine yesterday (Sunday, I am writing this early Tuesday morning), playing and being normal and today (Monday and until now) she is just not well. We are going to the vet this afternoon and I am feeling SAD and WORRIED because my baby is not well and I don't know what's wrong.
There is also a ton of small flies in my, not fruit flies or dirty house/rotten garbage kind of flies. I don't let it get too dirty. These flies come this time of year from the outside, the light from the house attracts them at night. I have a lamp by the bed and right now there are a ton of small flies crawling on the wall by the lamp, dying underneath the lamp and flying into my face, hair and the laptop. Gross.
The Wild Alaskan boat in Kodiak has turned out to be the biggest drama club I have ever encountered, I haven't said much about it here, I've been waiting, listening and pacing myself. Some more stuff took place on that boat yesterday, yet another dancer left in a hurry (two total now). I did not have anything close to the experiences as those two girls but I am not happy with what I am hearing and some of the stuff I saw and heard while on that boat. Although I did overall have a good experience. And that is all I have to say about that for now. My Chhaya is not well and that is my priority right now.