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Sisterhood

There was a pregnant woman that got assaulted in Sweden recently, she was wearing a hijab, for those of you who do not know, it's a veil that some Muslim women wear. The word hijab in Arabic means a screen or curtain. She was attacked from behind and did therefore not see who her attacker was, there has been discussions and reports in Sweden that she got attacked by a man showing his hate and disapproval of Muslims, basically a hate crime. I have also read a report that it was her own husband that did this to her. What the final outcome will be on who did this to her is at the moment unclear.
However, many women across Sweden decided to wear a hijab for a day (in Sweden now known as hijab upproret) to show solidarity and sisterhood with this woman and many Swedish bloggers wrote in favor of this decisions.
I too want to get involved in this discussion and give my take on it. I am a feminist and would choose NOT to put on a hijab to show my sisterhood with this woman. Why? Because to me the hijab, burqa and chadri (other types of garments Muslim women wear to cover themselves up) stand for oppression and control of women. That is how I look at this.
I suspect that the politically correct thing in Sweden (right now) is to show that you are open minded and put on some sort of a hijab to prove it. No, I am not a Muslim woman and therefore I can't speak on their behalf and how they stand on this issue. I read a few reports on this, there are Muslim women that absolutely agree with the outreach of solidarity of donning the hijab for a day and others that are totally against it and against the practice of covering up. I am not a religious scholar by any means, far from it. I am very well aware of that there are many people out there that get enraged when you discuss or question THEIR religion, even the smallest critique is many times met with death threats and violence.
See Salman Rushdie, Theodoor van Gogh, Ayaan Hirsi Ali, the Danish cartoon controversy, Malala Yousafzai - just to mention a few.
You can look up the names and events I mentioned and read up on them if you are not familiar with them. I was very upset when I found out about Theodoor van Gogh's senseless and brutal murder and it still makes me sad thinking about it.
To me, the veil symbolizes submission. Who is the woman submitting to, God or a man that is telling her how to act and what to wear? That is the question. I have Muslim friends in Sweden that practice Islam and they (they are women) do not veil themselves, so I know it is perfectly possible for a woman practicing Islam to go about her your daily life without wearing a veil of some sorts. Does Islam mean personal freedom for women in some countries where they are not allowed to drive a car, get subjected to female genital mutilation, get married without their own consent, are not allowed to step outside the house without a male chaperone etc. Is that freedom? NOT in my book it is not. Why, if women and men are equal in God's eyes, do some women have to cover up their face, hair and body or otherwise risk getting shunned by society if they don't? Is there something about a woman's appearance that is shameful or dirty? Or is it because some men cannot control their sexual urges around women? That is not equality to me. Yes, a woman should have the freedom to wear whatever she wants, if SHE truly wants to. Not because she has been forced or brain washed from an early age about how she should dress in order to fit in to society. By all means, if you really want to wear a hijab, burqa or chadri without any sort of input from a man, go ahead! I don't care. I myself am wearing capris, a t shirt and some flip flops today.
I decided myself on what to wear, to wear my hair up or down, or whether I am wearing any make up or not. And no, I am not a slave to Western society "rules" about putting on make up when I go out in public, I couldn't care less whether some guy out there finds me attractive or not.
To me sisterhood is about fighting against any religion or injustice that attempts to hold women down. Hundred of years ago in Europe women got burned alive, tortured and drowned because they were accused of being witches. What a scary time that must have been to be a woman! Women gained the equal right to vote in Sweden in 1919, 1920 in the US. Progress people! Some countries are showing very slow or no progress on women's rights, some countries are even going backwards it seems, I can not show any solidarity with that.
I can recommend Ayaan Hirsi Ali's autobiography Infidel . It is a great read and she describes her experiences as a former Muslim woman that managed to escape all of that and is now living in the US. She had female genital mutilation forced onto her as a five year old (torture in my opinion) and was supposed to enter an arranged marriage. She also describes her surprise when she discovered that the women in the Netherlands were walking around without covering themselves up with some form of veil and that women and men managed to co exist perfectly fine. Go figure!







Don't Want To Hear It

When guys that I meet at work try to talk trash to me about their wives or girlfriends I always ask them....."What are YOU doing to make her happy? What are YOU doing to better your relationship?" I don't want to hear it, unless there is some unusual circumstance, I will be on the woman's side.
Therefore I am going to take copies of this great "Dear Abby" column and hand it out to the guys that think I will lend a sympathetic ear to their marital problems. Therapy like that is expensive (one 60 minute session can go from $100 -$300), I usually don't make enough to give you this advice and listen to your sob story and besides my advice would be for the man to better himself. Hello, I am a feminist. That doesn't mean that I always side with the woman, I side with what's right.....and in cases like these the man often wrongly thinks he is the victim but he is not. He is only acting like a spoiled child. Man up!
Basically men that complain about not enough sex or complete lack of sex in their marriage or relationship should examine what they are doing or......keyword here.....NOT doing.
Women like to feel appreciated and loved. This is real life and not some porn. Porn does not depict real life sex. Many men seem to have a difficult time understanding that. I personally do not know of any girls that act or have sex like girls in porn do every time they have sex. Girls in porn get paid to perform like that, they have a script to follow, they usually prepare for a day or a few days before the shoot, many numb themselves with drugs and alcohol to be able to cope and many of them just go through the motions. You and your wife might have kids, she might be tired from working a full time job and also taking on the children and the household chores. Don't expect her to jump for joy when you press your erection into her lower back in bed at night. She would probably be happier with a foot rub or a massage. Speaking of that, when was the last time you rubbed your wives or girlfriends feet or gave her a nice and long massage without expecting any sex in return? If men would pay more attention to the woman in their life I can promise that most of those women would respond differently to the sex.
No need for expensive gifts, a lot of great things in life are free. Also a woman's sex drive is many times a mental thing. So the way she feels about you and how she responds to you is tied into how well you fulfill her emotional needs. Remember, this is real life and not porn. Also many women are not too thrilled that the man in their life might be spending more time watching porn instead of focusing his attention on her, very understandable. After all, that hot 19 year old that turns you on in that porn probably wouldn't pay you any attention in real life. And if she did.....you would most likely have to pay for it and that would make you feel pretty shitty about yourself in the end.
Also men have Viagra. That small pill that can turn them into a sex machine within an hour. Not that I think most men need Viagra, they are horny enough. Many of them willing to hump anybody that is willing.
Some girls I work with try to cash in on men that are unhappy with their wives. You know, say things like, "I am way sluttier than your wife." BS like that. Well, I don't act slutty at work. Gross. I am classy. And like I said, I don't want to hear it. If anything, bring in your wife or girlfriend and let me and her have a serious talk with you and set the situation straight.
You might thank me later for that.
I remember about a month ago....it was a slow starting night and me and a few of my co workers were sitting on the couch chatting. Something prompted the waitress to say that men come in to the club because they don't get what they want at home. The other girls nodded and agreed. I was the only one that objected. Listen, one woman can never fulfill a mans every fantasy.....it is impossible. I can't be Asian or a busty Milf and a slutty daddy's girl in a weeks span. I can only be ME. There is NOTHING lacking at home. If a boyfriend of mine would tell me that he went to a strip club because I was lacking in any area I would laugh first then probably beat him thoroughly or kick him in his nuts. Fuck that shit. Besides a strip club is entertainment only, women are welcome to enter and watch and have fun too (if they are cool). Trust me, you can keep your man, I don't want him. Unless it's Chester Bennington. :-D
So, my advice is.....pay attention to your partner, appreciate them, small things matter, give lots of foot rubs and massages, laugh together, do fun things together that create good memories. If there is an emotional bond, the sex will follow. That is enough on this rainy Sunday from Tatiana, your personal therapist. Free too....!



And before I upset any men out there. Yes, sometimes the woman is at fault. I know this. That is why I said that I side with what's right. ;-)