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I'm A Fan

I love this guy! Charles Ramsey. If you don't know who he is yet.......look him up. What a cutie he is, I want to give him a hug! I hope he gets his moment to shine because he has star power, he is funny! I am a fan.

I read about this whole story yesterday and I am appalled of course that some freak took it upon himself to kidnap three girls and ruin their lives. What is wrong with people? I don't eye a boy or a man walking down the street and get some sudden urge to grab his ass and keep him at my house against his will for a decade or so. Like a slave. WTF. There needs to be harsher punishments for dudes. So they think twice before raping and kidnapping women. Cut their dicks off.


Look what I came across in the sand at the beach today. This pretty horse drawing. Horses were my first love. When I was little all I wanted to do was ride horses, brush them and be around them. I might start riding horses again one day. Today I had another day taking care of stuff, I cleaned my car, did more laundry, there is always stuff to do at home. A never ending project. Not feeling motivated to write any long blogs right now. I am in bed watching my boyfriend Sheldon (Big Bang Theory) and drinking tea. Soon a bath because I am dusty and grimy. Probably a mask again tonight. I will stay up until around 3 am reading other people's blogs and Wild . Then I will wake up around noon, go get a latte, maybe go for a run and perhaps work in the evening if I am in the mood. Talk to ya'll tomorrow at some point.

Late Night Bath

I had another one of those busy days again. Filled with much of.....nothing really besides that I got a lot done. You know like many loads of laundry, a bunch of cleaning, some necessary phone calls. I also went to Playa Azul, a Mexican restaurant in Kenai that I have never been to before and I was not too impressed, so I will not go there again. I do expect the food to be really good when I go out to eat, otherwise what is the point? I might as well stay at home and cook something instead. I don't think the locals here expect too much from the dining choices around here but if you have ever experienced dining in for example New York or Vegas then you know what food should taste like when you eat out. And I am so disappointed in the weather, heeeelloooo it is May and it's windy and freezing out. The weather here sucks right now. Where is the sun and warmth?
I took a late night bath. Right now I am rereading a book by Cheryl Strayed Wild , it is a good read if you are looking for something new. I have to get Camilla Läckberg's latest novel, The Stranger . Besides that, after plowing through the latest issues of ELLE and Marie-Claire, I decided that I probably need a pair of camo Hudson skinny jeans.
I have to try them on first, maybe I will find them when I am in Chicago in a few weeks. I also want some hair products, Peter Thomas Roth's Hair To Die For serum and Kérastase Initialiste. Both are scalp treatments supposedly good for getting healthy, shiny hair. I am going to try to take better care of my hair. Starting at the root of things, the scalp. But now I have to wash off the mud mask I have on my face and apply a honey mask. Having a "taking care of myself" evening at home.

My Take

It is Sunday night and I am finally sitting down to finish this entry that I started on last night at work. Work started slow but then I got busy and had a fun night, lots of laughing and joking around. That is me at my best. Today I went to Bottomless Lake (pics tomorrow) and I am finally going to finish this entry........
So, last week while looking up stuff online I came across a site called I recommend that everybody looks at it, there is tons of eye opening reading on there and I have only filtered through some of it so far. I have my own thoughts and concerns about porn. I wrote a blog in 2009 about that, read it here
So while reading some of the stuff on I came across two women's stories about stripping. And let me tell you, that was some interesting reading. So if you are up for it read this first and then this
Phew......where do I start? Both stories describe exotic dancing or stripping as something awful with really bad consequences and experiences resulting in broken girls. I have danced for many years now at many different clubs and I have never seen it as bad or even close to anything as bad as described by those two women. I don't know where the hell they were dancing, seriously. Let me address a few of the things they bring up starting with the first article. MY take on things.
You have to spend a lot of money on your outfits, make up, hair, nails and also drugs to dull the emotional pain that stripping will bring into your life. Yes, you will need outfits and shoes. But guess what, I started dancing in some regular chunky heel sandals and a bra and panty set I got at Victoria's Secret for about $ 50. Some girls have a lot of outfits and some are content with a few. Nails and hair? I don't have fake nails and half of the time they are unpainted. I paint them myself when I do. As far as keeping my feet taken care of and toenails painted and cute, I would had done that even if I wouldn't be dancing. I love getting pedicures and going to the spa, that has nothing to do with what I do for a living. Hair? Unless you are into extensions, your hair shouldn't be a major expense. Drugs to dull the emotional pain? What? If you need drugs to dull your "emotional pain" you are probably a troubled a person prone to becoming an addict or alcoholic whether you are stripping or not and that is MY opinion. I have never used any drugs at work. No emotional pain to dull here. I got drunk one time at work, gulped down two apple martinis that tasted like candy. I decided that I did not want to waste my drunken state at work, this was at Crazy Horse Too in Vegas. So me and Shelley went out and had fun instead. Then I threw up in the bathroom at the Peppermill and we went home. Crazy Horse Too also had the best drink/shot ever called Sparkplug, made with espresso. Once in a while I would get a Sparkplug and enjoy every drop of it.
But nowadays I don't drink any alcohol at work. The Crazy Horse Sparkplug days are over. Catty girls. Yes, girls will be catty or less friendly until they get to know you in some clubs and in other clubs most of them are super friendly. I have traveled alone to different clubs and came across some wonderful girls and some cunts too. My advice is to stand your ground and don't let any jealous or insecure girl ruin it for you. And if they lay a finger on the cops and have them arrested. I have seen girls brawl with each other, like professionals in the boxing ring. What comes to mind is the first time I worked at Heartbreakers in October 2010. There was a crazy girl working there and she was in three violent fights with other girls inside the club during the 12 nights I worked. And a couple of more fights outside of the club. She should had been fired right away. She was insane and I told the manager that IF she would even touch me (she did glare at me) I would have her arrested. I am way too pretty to have some psychotic cunt claw my face or pull my hair. In many clubs fighting means immediate termination, it is not tolerated. I did get assaulted at the Bush Company in Anchorage once by a huge woman. Another dancer, an old ugly and desperate dancer 20 years past her prime and looking like it too didn't like me, she told her drunk huge behemoth of a friend to push me or hit me and she did. From behind. Very brave! One of the bouncers saw it, grabbed her, picked her up and kicked her ass out. The manager sent the dancer home and she wasn't allowed to work for a few nights. The next summer she wasn't welcome back to work at all. Good! She was an embarrassment for the club. The physical toll. Yes, dancing around and walking in heels for many hours can be exhausting. Your knees and back may suffer. Get platform shoes, easier on the arch.
My feet ache sometimes. My body feels sore. I love getting foot rubs and massages. Preferably on a daily basis. Dirty stages. Yes, I have experienced dirty stages, it is gross. I am a clean person and always sit on a towel. Last year I sat on a chair that some old man had shat on, DISGUSTING but I survived although mildly traumatized that evening. Is there a blog about that? Of course! here Enjoy!
Staph and yeast infections? Ummmmm......I know of a girl that got a bad infection
(I think MRSA) after getting a splinter in her toe at work supposedly. She was out for months. I have never got any kind of infection from work. Abusive customers that bite, slap, spit on, choke etc etc you. What? Sure, some guys......SOME try to get away with things but I have never been slapped, choked, raped, told what to do etc. I have never felt abused or scared at work. A guy did bite my stomach once and guys have asked if they can bite my nipples (ewwww). I've had some incidents where guys quickly grabbed one of my boobs when I didn't expect it. I moved away and told them NOT to do that again. It happens but rarely, you just have to pay attention all the time. I also had guys walk by that couldn't keep their hands to themselves, grabbing my butt (it is too irresistible for some ;-) ) I usually push them or have them kicked out, I always stand my ground, I am too feisty not to. But being abused would NOT fly with me. I am the boss, always. In fact most guys are nice and respectful, they are in the club to have a good time, not to start trouble. If I would go into work and fear getting abused in any kind of way or even raped I would never strip. Ever.
Women customers that talk shit. Oh yes, that happens. But whatever. That can happen if you go to a nightclub, girls being catty. It makes it even more fun to put them in their place, or simply ignore them. I know it must be intimidating for them to see a girl so much hotter and fitter than them. It's not my fault, I was born this way........ ;-)
I personally love beautiful girls and do not feel jealous or insecure, a beautiful girl is like art to me.
Men that become obsessed with you. Yes, that can happen. It happened to me.
I haven't even told you the details about one of them (one day I might, it is a CRAZY story and it was even written about in the Las Vegas Weekly) but I did write about Virgin Boy, read it here But I think that can happen to women in every profession. There are crazies out there, some of them get obsessed with a certain girl.
Girls supporting abusive boyfriends and pimps. Again. I don't know why any girl in her right mind would have a pimp. I know that some girls in Vegas had pimps, I never understood that. I even got approached by some pimps at Crazy Horse Too, I told them that they were wasting their time with their pimp talk on me. Me having a pimp? LOL.
I would cut his dick off. Supporting a boyfriend. OK, I did have a boyfriend that didn't work for periods of time but when he did he paid his part. I made more money than him. He was not abusive but he did have some serious issues and we are still friends.
I think that when you are in a relationship with somebody you do help them out if they fall on hard times as long as that person doesn't take that for granted. I would expect a boyfriend to do that for me. But I never had a string of boyfriends that I supported just because I happen to strip and come home with lots of cash every night and the guy depends on me with no end in sight.
The theory of being ostracized forever because of stripping. Maybe. Many people out there don't understand, will judge you and believe in all the stereotypes. I personally don't care what anyone thinks about me. Fuck them I say. I don't assume that people will understand anything about stripping. Especially if they have never set their foot in a strip club or actually spent some time in there really talking to the girls. There are a lot of strippers out there giving the nice girls a bad name. Unfortunately. I do not feel that I do anything dishonest or bad at work. I have no guilt or emotional issues due to what I do. Actually, I think I make a lot of people happy in many ways (and I don't mean by giving happy ending here). Hopefully I can show the people that I meet that not all strippers are crazy or sleazy. I know plenty of dancers that have their shit together, those are the girls that should be made examples of. to the second article. Are you still reading? :-)
Stripping is a trap. It CAN be. I have been dancing a long time. But I am my own boss, I can take weeks off and just be lazy at home if I want to or take a vacation at any time without having to answer to anybody. Some girls dance and go to school at the same.
I did for a while. Cerritos College in CA, UNLV and CSN in Vegas, I just don't know what I want to outside dancing so I don't go to school anymore. But yes, dancing can be a trap and honestly I recommend getting an education to any girl, so you have something to fall back on. Even if your plan is to be a housewife. An education is priceless and in the end stripping won't lead to a promotion. That doesn't mean that you can't strip and make something with your life at the same time, you can. It all depends on what you want. I just want to live somewhere nice, write, read, be happy and have lots of animals.
No touching and no sex. some clubs there is no touching and it is rather strictly enforced, I have worked in those clubs and I like it. There will always be some girls that try to get away with more, why I don't understand. And in other clubs touching is allowed but it is supposed to be LIMITED touching. I have never worked in a club where I had subjected myself to people touching or licking my boobs or touching my VAGINE, I would never do that even when other girls do. I don't care how much money I am offered or miss out on. I made a promise to MYSELF to never do that and I still make money. It does bother me A LOT when girls destroy this line of work by bending the rules and doing things that should never happen in a strip club. I have written several blogs about that issue. In the second article the author, Vanessa says that she doesn't know of a single dancer that hasn't had sex for money either in or outside the club. Really? WOW! Again, where did she work and did she only socialize with other hookers? Myself and plenty of girls I know would not do that. You do not have to promise any kind of sexual act in order to get a guy spend money on dances in the club. Just ask if he wants a dance. It works for me.
Dancing has not turned me into a lesbian. I still like men. I liked girls before I started dancing, I am open minded. The money is not that great and girls don't have anything to show for even after stripping for years. Yes, I do think that the money used to be better back in the day. It seemed to be easier to make good money on a regular basis.
I have shitty nights, it happens. But I also have great nights. And OK nights. Far from every night is great unless you find a hot club and milk it for what it's worth. Or get lucky. I hear of girls making BIG money in one night. A large Vegas club is not a guarantee for good money. I had many bad nights in Vegas. A girl I know counted 59 no's until she finally got a yes to a lap dance at a busy club. That is the business.
As far as having any savings, just like with any other job, if you work, save or invest (hopefully wisely) you will have something to show for it. I am not into having that brand new car with an expensive car payment, I am happy with my old rusty Toyota 4 Runner, it takes me where I need to go. I'd rather have savings and investments. I am far from wealthy but I am doing OK for myself. But I don't think that you should expect getting wealthy from stripping, it is a job and it pays the bills. I do think that some strip clubs are totally out of control and sleazy, those places should change the way they operate. House fees and other fines can be outrageous and legally wrong. Some girls have sued clubs and won. I like that.
I don't think that stripping is for every girl. Absolutely not. I don't think the strip club is a place to look for validation from men, that comes from within, from being confident and secure with yourself. But is is possible to dance without having the horrible experiences that the women in the articles talk about. And if you are a dancer that gets abused at work and/or feels sad from dancing, change club or quit dancing! I get bored and cranky at work, I have nights when I am so over it. I meet annoying and drunk people but I often don't bother with them if they are too irritating. Sometimes I want to strangle them.......but I don't. I have felt frustrated and sad but not to the point of emotional scarring. I see girls do dumb shit that upsets me. But I also dance, sing, joke around, have fun, laugh a lot and get to have interesting conversations. This is not my attempt to depict dancing as something glamorous or a profession to strive for, it is only my take on it.
I strive to make positive changes in the world. ❤

Boring Fogbones

It's a little after midnight and I am at work, sitting on the couch with my laptop. There is absolutely nothing going on here, that I want to bother with anyways. Too many girls and a few boring fogbones. I am so happy that I can escape to the couch with a book or my laptop instead of sitting at the bar, being forced to breathe in somebody's nasty cigarette smoke. And try to "entertain" some uninteresting fogbone sitting around the bar looking like the lights on but nobody is home. I can't deal with that. I feel tired, bored, cranky, hungry and so not in the mood to be here. I should had stayed at home. But that is how it is sometimes. Here I am in the car on my way to work a little over two hours ago.......

Yaaaaaawn.......over it. If some fun people don't come in soon I am getting dressed and going home.


It finally stopped raining. Me and Chhaya went for a walk and now I am sitting on the floor, with my laptop in front of me, sipping on some hot tea (Earl Grey) and I lit a candle too. It is chilly and gray outside, I need to warm up. I feel like some kind of a journalist reporting on today's news.
I can tell you this. I saw a quick reportage of some indigenous people in Ecuador protesting the plan for drilling for oil on about 10 million acres in the Amazon rainforest. When a man, some tribe member spoke about his concerns for his home, the pristine rainforest, he almost started crying. Me too. Sad. I am against drilling for oil there too.
"When all the trees have been cut down, when all the animals have been hunted, when all the waters are polluted, when all the air is unsafe to breathe, only then will you discover you cannot eat money." A Cree Prophecy.
Well, in a few hours I am not going to be wearing muddy Hunter boots and sweatpants. It's going to be rhinestone encrusted heels and bare legs. I feel tired. I think I am going to take a nap before work.

We say a coyote around here the other day. So Chhaya is on the lookout!

Old Annoying Fogbones

Yesterday afternoon while driving home from the gym I was listening to talk always. Some guy named Mike Pecaro has a show, he lives here in Alaska. Some dude called in and started talking about his disapproval with Plan B, a pill that can prevent pregnancy, he was also against abortions in general and that girls under 18 can get an abortion without parental consent. Then he proceeded with saying that he actually knows a woman that had an abortion (NO WAY, REALLY? GASP!) and that she was a happy person before the abortion and after it she just turned into a miserable person, a shadow of her former self that deeply regretted the abortion. The radio show host chimed in and agreed that abortions are bad, Plan B too and bla bla bla. I really get pissed off when some old dusty fogbones, men in this case, talk like this about women's rights. I am absolutely FOR women's rights. Yes, I think abortions are ok as long as guidelines are followed. I have known several girls that had abortions and guess what.......never heard them mention that they regretted it or that it changed their life into some miserable existence. There are times when an abortion is a better option than having the baby I think. And from the stellar examples I have heard and witnessed of some "parents" out there I think a lot of them would had done the child a favor by not having it in the first place. Abuse, neglect, name it.
Fun circumstances for a child to grow up in. If you don't want to abort the baby you can always look into adoption as an option. As far as Plan B. I think Plan B is great. I took it once, and no I do not feel like I murdered an innocent baby. But since I thought there was a chance that maybe I was pregnant I decided to take the Plan B pill instead of having to go through a possible abortion down the line. Girls under 18 getting abortions without their parents consent? I think that is ok too. If you think about it, there is probably a reason for that. The girls that have an abortion without telling their parents are probably scared to come forward and tell them about the pregnancy for a reason, like they might get beaten or severely punished as a result. And one more thing, it IS the girls body. Even as a parent, your child is not your possession, you didn't buy your child like you buy a car. So therefore I think a girl under 18 should be able to do whatever she wishes when it comes to that. I am in favor of kids waiting to have sex, the thought of 12 - 16 year olds having sex is scary to me but hey.....they do, that is the reality. So the best thing you can do as a parents is to be a good role model, be there for your children and be the kind of parent that your children can turn to in any situation. Looking back, I wish I would had waited a few more years with having sex, I was a 16 1/2. Way too young. I can see that now, I didn't then.
Having an abortion is a personal choice and most likely not an easy decision to make. But still, it is a right. And yes, I believe in children's rights too. Therefore there are guidelines in place when it comes to abortion, like you can't all of a sudden decide in the seventh month of pregnancy that you don't want the baby anymore. Then there are other options. Like adoption. But that is not what I am talking about here. I am talking about how annoying it is when some dusty old fogbones want to take away women's rights. I bet the discussion would sound totally different if it was men that got pregnant instead of women. Men have always wanted to control women. Like we are their property or prized possessions. And in some counties they still do. Let me tell you, I am extremely grateful that I do not live in a place where women have no or limited rights.

The Reason

The last six months or so have been marked by some sad events. My Mom had a medical issue, she had surgery last week actually and is doing well. I got scared and almost went back to Sweden to be with her but she insisted that I stay put and come only if things would take a turn for the worse. Luckily things didn't go bad and she seems to be doing well. One of my good friends lost her beloved dog to cancer late last year and yesterday her cat got ran over by a car, she found him dead in the street. :-( He was a wonderful cat with an amazing personality and he was only 12. Why did this happen? When I talked to her earlier today she just felt numb. And she mentioned something about that maybe everything happens for a reason. I said that I don't believe in that saying for the most part. That is something us humans tell ourselves to justify a situation when things go bad or to make life seem easier when we fall on hard times. Because in between the laughter and the good times there will be sadness and hard times. I don't know if I am cut out for the hard times. I am a very sensitive person, I get upset and feel pain in my heart when innocent beings suffer even if I don't know them. And I know that my time to feel loss, pain, heartache and sorrow will come one day. It's inevitable. It will happen to most of us. Unless you die before you get to experience it . If you have a family or people and pets that you love you will experience loss and sadness. And I don't want to ever have to face that, I don't know if I will be able to deal with that and I am scared. Sometimes I think that I'd rather die than have to go on living without my Mom or Chhaya. I see no reason behind that my friends cat got ran over yesterday besides that somebody drove on him. No higher reason.
There is no higher reason when children get abused or molested besides that an evil person got a hold of them. To me there is no higher reason for accidents, sickness and misery. I don't look at it that way. I think you can learn from life and cherish life without having to go through traumatizing events. IF there is a reason for all the sadness and misery, I hope that the reason is that we will all go to some place after we die where there is no pain, no tears, nothing bad, where we will be reunited with the people and animals that we were close to in this reality.
There are reasons for the obvious things. You get a speeding ticket because you were speeding and got caught. Your significant other leaves you because you cheated and got caught. You arrive late to an important event because you didn't wake up in time or didn't leave in time. You can't pay your bills because you spent all your money on meth. Your house is filthy because you don't clean it. A lot of times you are responsible for the reason things turn out a certain way. Not always though. There are obvious reasons for many things. But I don't see the higher reason for a lot of the stuff that we are faced with every day.


May is here......there is still snow on the ground in many places in Alaska. April was one of the coldest April's (here) recorded supposedly. But the snow will melt soon and everything will get green and pretty. Here is the first sunset of May 2013, the sun setting behind the Kenai river. In a few months people will come here from all over to fish for salmon in this famous river.