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Another Day, Another Latte

Today I woke up to a gray and foggy day, it was actually really beautiful out - all white, very quiet and still, it felt mysterious somehow. Me and Chhaya enjoyed today's walk a lot.

Then I went to Coffee Roasters for my breakfast, a vanilla latte (extra hot please) and a blackberry muffin. Another day, another latte. Sat there for about an hour, while looking at things online. There is a pretty bracelet I want from Henri Bendel, purple rhinestones, I think I need!

And after that it was gym time. Four miles again today. It felt great afterwards.

It's almost 8 pm here and I am going to get in the shower. Work tonight. Another evening, another dollar. Although I wish I was in Vegas right now. It's my friend Mikey's birthday, he is going to see some man candy tonight, Thunder From Down Under and then later on there is a table at Tryst. I miss my Mikey!

So Frustrating!

I have been trying to upload some pics onto the blog for about five hours now.......sooooooo frustrating!!!!! GAAAAAAH!!!! I am actually at work right now and I was hoping that the internet was going to work faster here but I have no clue to what's going on. Are both my laptops not agreeing with me or is it the internet connection? So while trying to upload the pics at home I occupied myself with staring out the window at the never ending snowflakes coming down.......I swept the downstairs (I have bamboo floor downstairs mainly), did the dishes, cleaned up the kitchen, walked Chhaya, made pancakes (again), ate, took a bath, washed my hair and brushed my teeth.......still no upload. WTF?!
Anyhow.......another kind of boring and gray day here, I did get myself out of the house and to work but so far there is not much going on here besides that I am getting nausea from all the cigarette smoke.......bleh. Why do people smoke? Me don't like.
Here I am with the laptop earlier in the day........

They have a local weekly free newspaper here called the Redoubt Reporter and let me tell's like the most boring newspaper......ever. It's not like the Las Vegas Weekly......
Actually this week there is an interesting article about a horse stable here, makes me want to start riding horses again, I love horses. Then there is an article about how many brown bears they think live here on the Kenai Penisula. 624 supposedly. That is not how many brown bears that exist in Alaska, just around here where I live. And then they talk about some fishing business. Super exciting! I think they NEED something more lively, pink, glittery and fun in this newspaper, so people around here can look forward to picking it up on Wednesdays when the new edition comes out. Especially now, in the middle of the gray and heavy winter season. I think they need some Tatiana to write for them! I mean, imagine how many fun and interesting things and opinions I can share with the readers of the Redoubt Reporter! :-D

And my pic FINALLY got uploaded, so much trouble for one pic of my tramp stamp. This is from when I worked in Grand Junction at a club called Fantasy. Some girls there went by a first and last name, me and Claudia thought it sounded kind of hilarious when the dj would announce them by a first and last name. Kind of pompous. So of course we came up with last names for ourselves also and had many laughs about it. I became Tatiana Tornado and Claudia became Claudia Cucumber. I found "Tornado" written in some magazine, cut it out and plastered it on my lower back, my tramp stamp! Than was almost two years ago now, time goes fast!

The feminist in me is of course totally against using the word tramp stamp to refer to a tattoo on a woman's lower back. Tattoos and a persons sexuality are not correlated. Also.....what makes somebody a "tramp" exactly? Some thoughts here late night in a snowy Kenai......surrounded by 624 sleeping brown bears.

Have You Ever Wondered...... far you would make it in one hour on the treadmill? Well, I wondered that today so after I got back home from the walk with Chhaya I went to the gym. So one hour of brisk me that means 4.0 and 4.2 in speed, well four miles. I MIGHT do it again tomorrow, it wasn't too bad. A little boring, so talking on the phone keeps the monotony at bay and an iPod.

When I got home I made pancakes. I love pancakes, next time I am having them with whipped cream and jam.

Since I am home tonight I am thinking that I am going to take a bath and maybe start on organizing my closet........

Good Morning

So.......Good Morning I guess. I had a difficult time getting up today, I woke up at around 11 am and then I kind of just laid around in bed not feeling the energy or motivation to get up. I curled myself up like a fetus in a womb and felt empty. Well, I am up now and feel much better.
It might be the weather, it's gray, no sun and about 10°F outside. I have to bundle up and walk Chhaya soon because she needs a walk and we didn't go for one yesterday because it was even colder and windy. Too cold. It started snowing in the early evening and the visibility was bad so I stayed home.
I still have to organize my closet, I didn't do it a few days ago like I planned to. I need to vacuum upstairs but when I vacuum I make a project out of it and move the furniture from one room to another so I can get every speck of dirt, hair and dust. I wipe down window ledges, dust etc, it's not just some dragging the vacuum around for two minutes, it's like I said - a project.
Then I should go to the gym so I can feel energized. I should go to work tonight. I should make plans to go to Anchorage, I have a photo shoot waiting for me there whenever I am ready.
I should also book a nice facial in Anchorage. But the drive there and back in the winter time can be exhausting. It feels like too many should's and have to's right now and I am not in the mood.
I did take care of some online banking and receipt sorting earlier that was on my list of have to's, so that's done. Maybe I can manage to scratch something else off that list before the day is over. Well, time to layer on some clothes and take my baby out for a walk in the deep snow.........


I found this pic on an online dancer forum I sometimes visit and borrowed it from there.

Many girls that dance (strip) can't tell their families because this kind of occupation is still frowned upon by many and a lot of people associate it with many negative stereotypes. I am not saying that dancing (stripping) is free from problems or should I say people that create the problems for themselves but it's not as bad as some think it is. Also I think it is the topless and/or nudity issue that is so shocking and hard to swallow for many........very immoral! ;-)
So saying you bartend or waitress to avoid the stigma is popular.

The movie "Striptease" is a joke. I have seen it twice and I cringed, hid my face in my hands because it was painful to watch sometimes, so bad. It is so lame and I am sorry but Demi's "performance" as a dancer was just bad. Are there any movies out there that describe dancing realistically? I don't know of any. I should make my own movie.

The boyfriend will often have fantasies about the girl/girl scenario and like most guys would love for his dancer girlfriend to bring home a one or two of her hot co worker now and then.
Be careful what you wish for! ;-)

The three pics on the bottom mixed up would be an ok description of the dancing business depending on the club and if it's busy at work or not. I have seen and experienced all three scenarios. Some nights are FUN FUN FUN with lots of money flying around, some nights you feel like the fiercest diva ever and many nights you sit around and read a book, a magazine or do home work. I don't know how I would cope with the dead time at work without something to read!

3 15 AM

I just HAD to make myself a cheese and tomato sandwich and a cup of tea at 3 15 last night, I couldn't get it out of my head. Cravings are weird because it's not like I was hungry......I just wanted food.......mmmmmm.......I love food.
I read that many go to the doctor and get some kind of a combo of Adderall and anti depressant prescribed to them so they can manage to curb the food cravings and lose those pesky 5 - 7 pounds. The Adderall which is an amphetamine blend and addicting although the pills come in smaller doses than if you would use the street drug will make you drop that weight and the anti depressant will take care of the cravings. The side effects from Adderall alone are scary. I don't understand how people can give this to their kids that supposedly have ADD and note the supposedly...... I think that all this feeding society with prescription drugs will rear it's ugly head soon. And me on Adderall? There would be lots of focus and lots of getting things done, that much I can say. Too much! Better that I stay away from it and stick to walking Chhaya, the gym and indulge in the yummy food cravings.


I had a conversation with Angelica recently about people and common sense personal hygiene issues. Some people are gross, really. I don't know if they are not aware of certain things or just plain clueless.
Angelica is a hairstylist and one of her clients does waxing on women's VAGINES, the so called Brazilian. I never had a Brazilian, I am scared of the pain, I suspect I would faint from the pain and I am also scared of getting like 100 ingrown hairs down there after the waxing. I have waxed parts of my bikini line at home myself before and I always bleed. Anyways, Angelica's client told her that she sometimes get women that come in straight from the gym, lay down on her table, spread their legs and smell funky in their crotch area. Gross. Like, who does that? Embarrassing, hello! And disrespectful to the person that is digging in your crotch. To me, it is plain common sense to have a clean, non sweaty and non funky smelling VAGINE when you go in for a Brazilian or the gynecologist for a check up.......unless you are visiting the gynecologist to get treated for some kind of infection. Then I guess there could perhaps be some odor I suspect? Same as brushing your teeth before you go to the dentist. Or for me, taking a shower or a bath before I go to work. I have worked with girls before that had really disgusting personal hygiene, everything from bad body odor, crusty unwashed panties, smelly armpits to stinky VAGINES. Ewwwwwwwwww! Like WTF?! Or when guys come in to the club and have a cloud of offensive stench surrounding them. No lap dance for you! Soap is cheap in this country, I recommend Dial Antibacterial.

I met Angelica in the dressing room at Crazy Horse Too in Las Vegas. I was sitting with another girl from Poland talking in our native language when we hear somebody loudly butt in across the mirrored row in Polish. It was Angelica and we have been friends since then, through ups and downs and some temper flaring arguments - still going strong! ❤


Since I am a rather sappy person I think Valentine's Day is a cute tradition, although I am well aware of the commercialism surrounding the day. But to me it is a day to express that I care for my friends. I love doing things like this for people and I do not only remember them on Valentine's Day, year round for me but I still always do something for someone on Valentine's Day. So I need to get my Valentine's Day cards ready today, I usually adorn the cards I send out with cute stickers, like hearts and Hello Kitty. I love Hello Kitty.

Then it is my Mom's birthday soon. So I have some gifts for her, like her fave perfume. And I am sending some stuff to my auntie too.

It's really cold here right now. I cut today's walk with Chhaya short because a strap on one of her little booties broke and I was too cold to feel enthusiastic about the walk. Brrrrrrrrr!
Also, last night work was VERY bad. What's very bad you might wonder? That is when nobody comes in and all of us leave with 0. That is exactly what happened. It could be worse though.
A bad night in some clubs is when you pay your house fee and can't make it back and actually leave work negative. Oh yes, that does happen.
What did I do today this cold Sunday? I drove to the dump with my trash and recyclables. Got a latte. Did some errands. And now I am going to start on my cards. No work for me tonight.

Last Nights Idiots

I left work feeling kind of upset last night. It was a slow Friday but that's ok. I am not expecting much right now because we are in the midst of slow season here, it's cold and icy and people are staying at home. There were two guys in there that two of my co workers occupied themselves with, I didn't think anything of it. One of the guys were STARING at me a lot but I ignored him because the girl sitting with him really demonstrated that he was "hers". And he was digging in between her ass cheeks while she was sitting next to him. I think that kind of behavior is silly and would never do that personally but some girls are desperate and dumb like that, whatever.......
So I am sitting at the bar, sipping on a coffee when he comes up and asks if he can sit next to me. I told him that he can sit down if he wants to, so he does. And then he asks the normal questions, my name and where I am from. Not even a few minutes go by and the girl that has been sitting with him comes up and starts whispering in his ear,
I could still hear some of it although she thought she was being discreet. She basically told him NOT to talk to me. I would NEVER ever do that. Guys that come into the club can talk and interact with whomever they want. That was not her husband. He clearly didn't want to talk to her anymore but she glued herself next to his side all night long.
I should add here that he had not gotten a lap dance from her either. But she was working him and getting her alcohol.
Well, then a little later I got up and went to the dressing room, a short while after that that same guy comes into the dressing room. A big no no. The dj stopped him and asked him what he was doing and the guy said that he was looking for the restroom. Clearly not since he had been in the club for a few hours at this point and already made at least one trip to the restroom. What he wanted was to follow me it seemed like.
Then I went on stage and after the stage I sat down on the couch and looked through a magazine. So he decided to come over and sit next to me. At this point I wasn't really interested in any interaction with him, he had been with the other girl all night and she was all over him. So I told him that he should go back and talk to her and that I didn't want to be involved in any drama. Then he proceeded to tell me that he didn't want anything to do with her, that she had told him earlier to get away from me when he approached me at the bar and that he did indeed follow me into the dressing room on purpose. Sigh......ok.
I was like, not at all interested in this dude and was wishing he could just go away and back to "his" girl at the bar. I continue reading the magazine while answering his questions. So then he wanted to know, "Why are you stripping, you are too pretty to do this". Well, that is kind of an insult in a way. I shouldn't be stripping because HE obviously thinks that there is something wrong with stripping (who are you, my Dad?) and also I am too pretty to strip (lame pick up line). So then what, only "ugly" women should strip? Then he told me that he works in the oil field and that he is really good at what he does and because of that I should be nice to him. Really? LOL.
I didn't even ask him for a dance because like I said I didn't want any of his drama plus he was being annoying, following me around the club and staring at me like he wanted to attack me or something. Yes, I know I look good, keep your composure at least a little, calm down boy!
And if you act like an annoying prick you can keep your money too cause I don't want it and I do not need it.
Then, OF COURSE he said, "You should give me your number." Note the SHOULD. Well, I do not give out my number and I do not pretend that I eventually will know lead some guy on only to milk him for money with some lofty promises of a number, maybe. When people ask me for my number I tell them the truth, that I don't give it out. I am not in the club to find a one night stand or somebody to date, I am in there to make money. You are not getting my number! So when I politely declined, this asshole raised his voice and said, "Bitch, stop acting like your shit don't stink bitch!" Yeah. The thing is this, I do not tolerate when disrespectful idiots talk shit to me. All I did was tell him that I was not going to give him my number, that is my right.
So guess what, you are going to get kicked out. Go home and call your significant other ugly names if you have somebody at home waiting for you......and make sure you also inform her of that you wanted my number but didn't get it. And that you followed me around and acted like a desperate freak. I do not need some lousy disrespectful loser in my life. Why would I give a guy like that my number? Please.........leave me alone, I am not interested in anything you have to "offer", some limp penis or some money.
No thanks!
I am used to Crazy Horse Too in Vegas back in the day and/or Flashdancers in New York when I danced there. If some guy said anything nasty or disrespectful to us girls he would get kicked out right away, no matter who he thought he was and how much money he had spent or was willing to spend. If we got propositioned for sex we could notify a bouncer and the guy would be asked to leave. And at Crazy Horse Too any rude guy would be lucky if he didn't get roughed up a bit on his way out of the club.
Don't treat the girls badly!
So of course the girl that had been hanging on to this dumbass all night long got really upset when he had to leave the club. Then everything was MY fault all of a sudden. "Tatiana you are always such a bitch to the guys". "It's all about YOU Tatiana!" Really? This girl has stolen wallets from AT LEAST two guys in the club. Yes, STOLEN people's wallets. I would never ever do that.
If I find money on the floor or in the ATM I try to figure out who's it is first before I keep it. Really, if you don't believe me, ask somebody in there. This girl also poured some kind of a home made psychedelic mushroom/honey mix in at least one guys drink. Not that funny if you think about it, since he didn't know and didn't ask to get drugged which is illegal and dangerous btw. He could had harmed himself or others had he driven home that night high on mushrooms.
Or maybe gotten a drug induced psychosis, not everybody handles psychedelics well. She is also a very jealous person and thinks that just because she latches on to some guy that comes into the club that he is obligated to spend his money and attention on only her and will basically bully the guys into not talking to other girls, just like she did with me last night. THAT is not ok.
Talk about desperate and insecure. Oh and when she introduces herself to guys she often says, "I am XX the HO HO". (I am not putting her real name here.) That would be like me walking around saying, "Hi I am Tatiana the slut, are you ready for some fun in the naughty room now?" She refers to the area where we do the dances as "the naughty room" too. I mean really? Is it me or her that is BAD for business? Not to mention all the rules she happily breaks all the time when she does lap dances, I have written about her before. Yes, I WILL stand up for myself when some self important jerk thinks that he can call me names. You are mouthing off to the wrong girl buddy. But on the other hand, I don't steal from and drug guys that come in and I do not bully guys into talking to only me. I don't have to, most of them want to talk to me anyways.
Even when I want them to just leave me alone!
Oh and then she got on the phone and made plans to met up with him and his friend later.
Ok then........making money outside of the club too I see? Good for you! LOL.
Personally, I would feel pathetic if I had to get wasted every night at work, refer myself to as a ho in order to make any money and then meet up with different guys every night I work. Yeah, miserable life I have to say. I hope she is happy.
At this point I was annoyed with all the yelling and drama so I decided to leave. not go to a club thinking that any girl in there is required to give you ANYTHING and when she declines do not start calling her names. That is bullshit and should not be tolerated, ever.
I don't think that you can do that in other establishments where women work, so what makes some idiots think it should be ok to act like that in a strip club?

So yeah, that was my little story about the idiots from last night. I am over it now. I am laying in bed with Chhaya, feeling tired, full and lazy. Mustering up energy to take a shower, get ready and drive to work. Curious to see what neanderthals I will have the pleasure of encountering tonight. And with neanderthals I mean, men with the mentality of......"I see woman, I like woman, I take woman and drag by hair to cave (grunt grunt)". Or perhaps there will actually be some nice guys at work? ;-)

Thoughts From the Couch

While sitting on the couch at work I often read. And think. Sometimes I sleep. Other times I take a ton of pictures of myself, so I can put them on my blog and make you happy! If you are wondering why I am wearing almost nothing in the pics, bra and panties and some's because that IS what I wear at work. I am not going to hide under a blanket so I can look "decent". I am already decent thank you very much.
So I read that the brand Lactacyd has a vagina whitening product out that is selling very well in Thailand and India. I remember Lactacyd from when I lived in Sweden, they made intimate soap that supposedly restored the natural ph balance down there. I don't know about that, maybe it works great for women that have very sensitive private parts. Then of course I heard about anal bleaching cream, you know.......who doesn't want a nice "clean looking" butthole? I think it got popular with porn actresses and even actors, gay guys in general are kind of vain (the ones I know at least) and the ones that do porn most certainly are, being viewed and scrutinized by many.
So now women are using some wash that promises to "safely" whiten the vagina. Hmmmmmm, maybe I should try it and make a before and after report here on the blog? LOL. I wonder if that product is for sale here at the super market? I have to check at Fred Meyer next time I go.......
But really, I think the stress over keeping your vagina white and your butthole bleached is just too much. I am certainly not stressed out over it. And to market this product so hard core in Asian countries and India where the majority of women have a different skin tone than the white Europeans is just wrong, I think. What is so bad with your own color? Nothing! What if your vagina actually does get a few shades lighter and stands out against the rest of your darker skin color? That if anything must be strange looking.
Just think of all the crazy things women do for "beauty". Like breast implants. Those are so common that nobody really cares anymore but if you think about it, putting two large objects in your chest is a chock for the body. And butt implants, I have seen a few of those and it looks weird. I would definitely tell somebody thinking about getting butt implants to reconsider.
But I am getting tired now, I am home, in bed after some hours at work, I had a cup of tea and now I am going to wash my face and go to sleep. And yes, I am a slave to beautifying products too, I glue on fake lashes (as seen in pics) and I like my MAC eye shadows and I also love my nighttime face cream by L'Occitane!