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Must Be The Moon

I have felt weird all day. First I couldn't get out of bed......I finally crawled out of it by 1 30 PM, even for my standards that's late......and I was still feeling tired.
Then when it got to be later in the day I started feeling anxious.......like I was going to crawl out of my skin. I think I got affected by the moon, well that's my explanation anyway. The moon was really big this evening when it started creeping up on the sky. Later on, when I took this picture, it looked more normal size wise. Still very pretty.
So here is the sun setting this evening.


And the moon early on this chilly evening, pay attention to the reflection in the water.......


I am in bed watching music videos, I love doing that - music videos can keep me occupied for hours. Chhaya is sleeping next to me, she is dreaming, kicking me while she is running in her dream and making cute noises.
I did my laundry tonight. Stripper laundry. Hand wash only.
Feel that I need a new book to read....like asap. I have reading withdrawals and I want a new one, not re read one that I already have.


If you want to hand wash my delicates for me.....I am now taking applications. It will only cost you $ 800/month for the privilege.

A Touch Of Summer

I can't say that I am as evolved and pure in my soul as Balpreet Kaur, the young Sikh lady that recently made the news. Reading about her made my heart melt and eyes tear up.
What a wondeful person! If you are not familiar with the story, I recommend that you look it up.
I am too vain (at least for now) and I have no problem admitting that. I don't know what I would do without my tweezers. Probably the "tool" I use the most. I can go without make up. But not without a tweezer. And I have to shave my legs and some other body parts for work. No, I am not going to go on stage with hair sticking out of my g-string. Or with long, dark hair decorating my legs. I save that for my "private" life at home.
It actually snowed yesterday in some places around Alaska. Here in Kenai too though the snow melted right away.....but it will be back to stay - soon. Therefore, here are some more summery pics from a beautiful, sunny day in August.







Photographer Eye on Alaska.

The best places to be a woman



The best places to be a woman.......
I saw this article in a paper a while back and the other day when I was out doing some stuff around town I saw it again, plastered on an announcement board. So I took a picture of it.
Well, topping the list, the Scandinavian countries, Sweden in second place. The US is in eight place. They base this on how many women are involved in and hold significant positions in politics, health care, education, justice, financial issues. And depending on what poll it is, the results will differ. I checked out a few months old poll online today, where the US ranks as number six and not one Scandinavian country is even in the top five, I find that hard to believe.
I want to bring something up. They outlawed strip clubs in Iceland a few years ago. It is illegal for any business in Iceland to make a profit from the nudity of it's employees.
As a dancer - what are my thoughts on that? I understand where Iceland is going with this. They strive for equality between women and men, they don't want women to be seen as sex objects, something that can be bought - a product. Perhaps they are worried that stripping might lead to prostitution for some women. And of course there is the always prevalent problem of trafficking.
In Sweden it's illegal for men to buy sex, they prosecute the men if they get caught. Not the prostitute. I am not sure how it works if it's a man buying sex from another man.
If I would had still lived in Sweden I can almost with certainty say that I would not be working in a strip club now. There are some clubs in Sweden but from what I understand they are far from what the clubs are like here in the US.
I was a student at the University of Stockholm when I kind of on whim took a break in my studies to come to the US. And not to work as a stripper, may I add, that happened later.
So, most likely I would have had a degree by now and be working somewhere (normal).
And my Mom would had been very happy to have her daughter home in Sweden, doing something "nice" and "intelligent". She does not want me stripping, of course, she thinks that I am wasting away my life doing it but she accepts it because at the same time, she knows that I have a good head on my shoulders.
I was studying criminology when I left Sweden and only 30 people/year would get accepted to that program. You don't pay for college in Sweden, you get admission mainly based on your grades. I have a cold/warm relationship with studying. I do really well in subjects that interest me and I am awful at and totally bored with stuff I don't like or understand. Like anything that has to with with numbers. I just don't get numbers.
I was also eying journalism, that was my number one pick but I didn't get accepted that year.
I was planning on reapplying at some point. My Mom always said I should had been (and should still become) a politician or a journalist, due to my loud mouth and opinions about everything. I agree with my Mom. :-)
I love journalism and I very much admire people that report on and write about important issues. I admire people that DO something to make the world a better place. Though I think that I personally would be too scared to travel to a country where it wouldn't be safe for me to move around. Imagine getting captured and tortured by a group of extremist, no thanks!
I wonder sometimes if strip clubs fill any positive function in society or if they only, in the end attribute to negative factors.
I never do anything that I am not ok with at work. I get upset when I see girls break the rules, they don't see the bigger picture. They only think about that nights (or days) income.
But really, it is up to the owners of the clubs to make sure the rules are being followed.
And be diligent about it too.
Would I recommend stripping as a job to somebody else? Not sure. It doesn't lead to any promotions or job security. No 401(k). Many people look down at girls that strip. Some girls can't handle it at all and should not be strippers. But I'd rather strip than work in a store or a factory for example. There have been times when I have been so annoyed with dancing and so over it. But I know that I would go crazy if I worked in a clothing store. I am speaking for myself here, some people like working in clothing stores - not me.
I've heard from some people that I take the easy way out, that I profit from the way I look.
I don't know about that. Easy way out to me would be being on welfare. Or snagging some wealthy guy, get pregnant and married to secure money for myself. Or have some kids and either be a stay at home mom or a mom collecting child support. Any woman can squeeze out a kid or a few - being a great parent is the real job, not all are successful in that endeavor. I have always been independent. Yes, there are times when I do think that I am not doing anything useful at all while stripping. Of course.
Like, how am I making the world a better place, contributing to anything of importance? BUT I refuse to act dumb at work, even though - sadly, I know that it could sometimes make me more money. Some men are intimidated by confident, outspoken women.
And I would like to say to all the girls that might be thinking about starting stripping......don't do anything you are not comfortable with, ever!
Don't let a guy you meet at work talk you into something that you are not ok with. Sure, in the beginning I wasn't comfortable with going on stage or doing lap dances but that was because I was super shy, felt awkward and clumsy - not because I felt abused in any way. Besides, you have to go on stage and do dances.....that's part of the job.
And to all the dancers out there that might read this, follow the rules please! Have some respect for your coworkers. Girls that do "whatever" at work (NOT part of the job) are the girls that give strippers a bad reputation. You need to do extra stuff that bad? Get a room! And no, I don't mean the "VIP room" now.
But I know people with "regular" jobs that don't do much of anything useful and important either, besides make sure they can pay their bills each month. I guess we are all suppressed humans of varying degrees caught in the rat race. Some hate their jobs. I can't say that I do.
I have lots of freedom, travel if I want and have fun too. But it also feels totally meaningless at times, for me at least.
Being a stripper doesn't mean that it is all that you do, that it is all that you are.
Some outsiders can have a problem with seeing past that.
You can be a stripper and also work on something absolutely spectacular on the side, something good, positive, creative etc. Many do.
BUT looking at the grand scheme of things.....I would have to say, I probably agree with Iceland, FOR NOW. I am all for equality and the empowerment of all of us. So maybe banning strip clubs is a good idea after all? Even though that's what I do for a living. But while I still do it......I will do it the best way I know how - without compromising myself in any way. As far as nudity goes, that's not compromising myself to me.
I don't have many hangups with being topless or nude. I grew up in Sweden after all...... ;-)
Here is an example of that.....taken from an interview with Heidi Klum that she did with Tatler magazine.
"Heidi Klum doesn’t mind her parents seeing her naked. The German-born supermodel said she is comfortable with nudity and her family all have an “easy going” attitude. “My parents are still naked. I mean, it’s not like we’re hippies and we run around naked, but if they happened to be in their room changing or something or someone comes out of the shower, they’re not, like, ‘Oh my God. No. Close the door’.”
Europeans are much more comfortable with nudity, wouldn’t you say?"

And while I was looking into this ban on strip clubs in Iceland, I came across what an ex stripper, Jennifer Abel, wrote.
read here
I agree with a lot that she says. Like how she preferred stripping to working in a restaurant or that she doesn't think that strip clubs fall into the category of "sex industry" jobs. I don't either. Yes, I acknowledge that I am topless, even naked at some clubs I work at. But I don't have sex with people, far from it. I personally would not be ok with that, if that was part of the job.

And the worst places to be a woman.....? Well, basically places where women are told what to do, don't have any rights, can't vote, are not allowed to drive a car, get stoned if they stand out in any way - all that stuff.



Late night grocery shopping

Ummmmmm........no work for me tonight. I am being lazy, again. Well, too lazy for work at least. I shouldn't have to work anymore......lol.
Instead I returned some movies I rented the other day and went grocery shopping, so I don't have to do that tomorrow. I was really living it up here in the village tonight!
Then I got a coffee craving at around 11 PM so I went to the local McDonald's. I have not been to a McDonald's for well over a year. It was very complicated for the young lady working there to get me a coffee, she gave me a cold coffee, I didn't ask for an iced latte, just a regular coffee. So somebody else made me a fresh pot. I do not drink coffee to perk up - I am always perky, he he..... I could go to sleep now if I wanted to. I think coffee is yummy - well after I add sugar and milk to regular coffee. Otherwise I much rather prefer a vanilla latte, from a coffee place. I also love the chai at Starbucks, so good. And their whipped cream, the best ever! One day I need a birthday cake covered with the whipped cream they have at Starbucks.
Now I am at home, watching Jimmy Fallon, he is super cute. Tonight Sophia Vergara is on and I have to say......Mamma Mia, she is drop dead gorgeous! I used to not like her that much but she has grown on me, what a beautiful WOMAN.
What would I do on a Thursday night in Vegas? Well, work (when I still worked there). Or be out late night shopping, with Julia perhaps while sipping on an ice blended vanilla latte from The Coffee Bean, there are malls open until midnight there - perfect.
Or maybe be out dancing at some fun place with Mikey. We usually go to the gay bars. Cute boys and dancing = FUN!
Spending time with Angelica and our dogs, talking about life.
Go to Walmart just to look at all the Walmart people, always entertaining, especially at the one located on Charleston and Decatur.
But I am in Alaska now. Thinking about mopping my bathroom floors, I like to clean at night. Very glamorous!


Work tonight?

It's probably time to get back to work tonight......I think. And work through the weekend.
I am getting bored at home, I finished Gone Girl last night, well around 2 AM this morning to be specific.
What a story the author came up with! I don't know how people come up with such intricate, amazing stories......WOW! I do recommend the book, it kept me spellbound. Now I want to read Gillian Flynn's other two novels, Dark Places and Sharp Objects .
Update on the injured moose baby......I saw it again with the Mama Moose and sibling. But then yesterday evening, the Mama was back in my yard with only the healthy baby. I am trying not to think about it.....it's so sad. :-(
Some guy from Fish and Game called me back yesterday morning ( at 9 AM and woke me up) and explained to me that they do not have resources to care for injured moose, that they only help out small baby moose, when they are newborns like in July. He said that moose are resilient and that it might bounce back and if not nature will run it's course. NOT what I wanted to hear. Can I maybe have it as a pet? It is illegal to feed moose in Alaska, I think that is a dumb rule. I think you should be able to feed them if they can't feed themselves for some reason. I feed the birds and the squirrels. And whatever other animal that wants to have some of what I put out.
It is also illegal to give money to people that beg for it on the streets in Anchorage. Weird. That too, should be up to me. If I choose to help out a hungry or a homeless person I should be able to. Without getting a ticket for it, like I committed a crime. And if you don't want to give money to a beggar, then don't. Though I don't think people should be allowed to sit around and beg with children.
Kids should be in school. If you can't afford to feed yourself, then you should not have kids.
But sometimes unforeseeable things happen. I am talking about people that drag their kids around on purpose to beg, they make a career out of it.
Well, I need my latte like NOW......!
Here are the last few pics from one of my shoots that I did in New York back in April. I want to go back to New York, I LOVE that place!





Photographer Mark Wiggin.

Is Tatiana dating?

Questions Tatiana gets ALL the time, "Do you date", or, "Do you have a boyfriend?"
OF COURSE! Right now Tatiana is busy dating this guy......."The Steel Hammer."




And before him Tatiana was dating this guy......her cutie "Volodya" - that keeps calling her and wants her back btw. Hmmmm, Tatiana is a little tempted to take him back, he is such an irresistible cutie! Very SEKSI.




Tatiana must have a weakness for Eastern Bloc guys, especially with the name Vladimir.
Maybe Tatiana dated Vlad the Impaler in a past life?
Besides these two handsome strong men, Tatiana harbors crushes on Chester Bennington and Rihanna.

Excited!

One of my readers recommended a book for me Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn. How do you better spend a chilly, windy evening than curled up with a good book? I am excited to dig into this book, thank you Bella! :-)



When you are reading a book that captivates you, all you want to do (well at least I feel this way.....) is be at home reading. Some people don't read that much, I always read something.
One of my fave things to do.
Yesterday I was very upset because I have a Mama moose and two twin calves that come through my yard. Well, one of the babies has a bad back leg, I think it might be broken, because the baby does not put any weight on it. The leg just hangs there and that calf is thinner than it's sibling.
It is SO difficult to watch the baby limp around. I was crying last night because I really want this baby to survive. I called Fish and Game and the person I talked to said they could come out and kill the baby. NO WAY! But then they said if it's still eating it might, MIGHT, still make it. And the baby is eating and drinking, I have been watching it. So then I called the Alaska Wildlife Conservation Center in Girdwood that takes in animals from across the state. And they told me that they would only take in the baby if Fish and Game brings it in. I searched online and found another number to call, for some department within Fish and Game that actually saves injured or abandoned moose calves. Nobody answered, so I left a message. I don't want this cute baby moose to die! What should I do?
Here they are. It's the baby closest to the camera that has the bad leg. It's the leg the baby is not resting on the ground. The other baby calf is laying down.



The latest......



So.....Tatiana is going to South Dakota for work next month and to Vegas for fun and massages by Cathy. She just booked all the tickets and the rental car in South Dakota today. Tatiana is going back to a very small town in the middle of nowhere.......she was there last year, it's a crazy circus at that club but Tatiana is going anyways. $$$! Right now Tatiana has slight anxiety and butterflies due to this, she does not like the time leading up to any longer trips. At this point she is not looking forward to this at all, it feels like a chore and the anxiety is stemming from the fact that Tatiana has to be away from Chhaya for weeks. Even though Chhaya will be in very good hands......but STILL. Once Tatiana is at the location she will feel much better and be in work mode. And you will be able to read all about it when Tatiana is there.
And in Vegas time will fly by as always, friends, shopping etc. A girlfriend from Sweden will be there at the same time as Tatiana, that will be fun.
Tatiana already told her that they are going to at least one haunted house, one of Tatiana's fave things to do for Halloween!

Sunday

I am in bed, it's only 10 30 PM and I could fall asleep right now. SO tired.
Recap of the week. I worked Tuesday - Saturday. Went running four times, aimed for five but didn't go yesterday. Had a vanilla latte every day. Of course! Work was......work. It was ok. I did meet a very nice person that is in town working as a surgeon. We talked a lot about his time in Nigeria when he was there with Doctors Without Borders. That is very impressive to me. He told me about a young girl that came in, (only 12 years old) she had been raped and was so badly injured that they had a difficult time stopping the bleeding. :-(
I recently read an article about women in Nigeria that drop off their newborns at the dump because they do not want them. Abortion is illegal in Nigeria. I am not sure how they feel about birth control. But if you are poor, I guess buying birth control might not be topping the list of things to get. Too bad that abortion is illegal in some places, I think an aborted fetus would be a much better solution than a newborn baby dying at the dump.
Sometimes people wonder if I go out around here. Well......NO. I have been to the few options available here to check them out, not really my cup of tea. I LOVE going out, with one good friend or a group of fun people to either a rave or a club with the kind of music I like. But if I am going to get ready and go anywhere where music is played around here and have guys hit on me.......I might as well go to work and get paid at the same time. And the most of my time off is spent at home, peaceful and quiet.
I dug up my potatoes today. My first crop ever! They are so pretty, red. Here's a pic of them.



I'm not going to put up bikini pics every day ok, so today you'll get my potatoes!
Also......got some sad news the other day about a friend. Put some stuff in perspective for me.......even if only for a while. Life is very fragile.
We can be here today and gone tomorrow. Some leave much too early.


What PJ taught me.......

At the first club I ever worked at, my first friend I made was a girl from Somalia, her name was PJ. I think it is rather uncommon to meet a girl born in an African country that it a dancer, there are plenty of black girls but I haven't encountered any others from Africa at any other club I've been at. Anyhow, PJ was great - friendly, sweet and very pretty. We became friends. She danced while going to dental school.
I went to Planned Parenthood once for a check up and they gave me a pap smear.
Girls know what that is, I am not going to go into any details about it for the guys reading this. It's basically is a screening for possible cervical cancer. It's important to check because early treatment is always better if you do have cancer.
So, the test results came back and a woman from Planned Parenthood called me, saying that my test result came back abnormal and that I needed to go to some clinic in LA for a possible biopsy. They were basically going to cut a piece of my insides out.
I almost fainted when I heard this. That's all I could think of. Somebody cutting into me.
So I told PJ when I saw her at work, almost in tears, super nervous thinking that I now had cancer and that I was going to die.
Well, PJ told me not to worry. She told me how to clean my insides myself, with one finger. This had been passed on to her from her relatives, I'm guessing her Mom (?),
I can't remember all the details. She told me she would do this herself once a month,
a few days after her period ended. She instructed me to clean myself like that the evening before my appointment and she said she could almost promise me that I would be fine.
So I did. Went to my appointment. The doctor looked inside of me with some kind of magnifying glass, that is called colposcopy and said everything looked fine and that I didn't need a biopsy.
A biopsy can be rather painful and bloody. Many girls and women get back abnormal pap smears results. It can actually be something serious or it can also be the result of a slight imbalance in the VAGINE the day the pap smear was done.
I was so happy and relived when I left that clinic, I really didn't want to have a biopsy, it had sounded so scary to me.
So how do you perform this self administered cleaning? After you take a bath or shower, squat, relax, insert the longest finger you have (usually the middle finger) inside your VAGINE. I recommend that you do not have long nails. You will feel your cervix, smooth and egg shaped. Gently push the finger against your cervix and trace it from one end to the other, half circle.
Take the finger out. There might be some slimy stuff on your finger, discharge, mucous. I do this three, tops four times. Done! And I do this once a month about two to three days after the last day of my period. NO douching with vinegar water or perfumed water, NO spraying any perfumed VAGINE deodorants down there. Ever.
This "cleansing" technique works for me. It might not work for you. I am not a doctor, all I am doing is passing along what PJ taught me......
Happy cleaning!