This is going to be Tatiana's new song at work. Not that she dances to only one song over and over. But this is like the new favorite.
Also, the video is a new favorite. Very pretty girl in it, a great example of what Tatiana considers to be PRETTY.
Besides that, Tatiana is working and it's going well. Her nickname at work is "The Goddess", she did not name herself that, the dj did, his name is Clay. What a sweetie!
And tomorrow it is time for a much needed pedicure.
Yesterday Tatiana had to run in to Wal-Mart to buy a face wash. She passed an older man standing by a booth of some sort directly outside the entrance, he was alone, people passing him by. On her way out, Tatiana glanced over at the man again, white hair, older, alone by his booth with something he was selling? Getting donations for? Tatiana is not sure, she didn't stop to see. But she did understand by the way he was dressed and the display of the American flag, that this man was most likely a veteran. As she drove off, Tatiana felt really sad. Sad that he was alone, maybe he really wasn't but it just looked like it, Tatiana did watch him in the rear view mirror while driving off. Sad that nobody talked to him. Sad that she didn't take a minute to say hi to him and see what was in that booth.
Tatiana does not like war, so many lives wasted on something that leads to what? Freedom? So we are told. We are told many things but that does not mean that whatever we are told is the truth. Tatiana just wishes that people could solve conflicts without war. Isn't it about time already?
It's not the old mans fault, the war, any soldiers fault. They just go and do whatever they are told. And in the moment, you either shoot or you get shot.
Tatiana felt so sad for everybody that is out there, somewhere fighting a war, for every single person that died in a war. It's not right.
She just felt really helpless. If she sees him again (later today), she is going to stop and say hello.
And then throughout the day she kept on having thoughts about the meaning of life, what is Tatiana doing with her life, and the thoughts would not leave her.
First of all, Tatiana believes that life is suffering, sounds pessimistic maybe, but that's what she thinks. In between the suffering there are moments of joy and pleasure, laughter etc. but in the end, it's suffering. Everybody you care for will die if you live long enough. Old age. Sickness. Loneliness. Sad moments and heart break. That's life. And Tatiana is not a person that goes around feeling sorry for herself, she just thinks that ultimately even though beautiful, amazing and often fun, life is suffering.
She can only hope, to reach Nirvana or some stage at some point, somewhere, so she can escape the suffering.
As far as what Tatiana is doing with her life......she has no idea. At this point she hopes that there is a place somewhere for a person like her. She just wants what she likes, animals, books, a safe place with a large bed, food, a few good friends and once in a while that something extra that puts that spark into the every day life. Simple.
Chhaya is 6 today! Happy Birthday!!!
Tatiana got home from work a little while ago. Took Chhaya outside and sang "Happy Birthday" to her. Now Chhaya is laying here in the bed with Tatiana, side by side. The best bed buddy you can have.
Around noonish when Tatiana wakes up she is going to go and get Chhaya a nice, juicy steak. And a yummy sandwich for herself, looking forward to that.
But right now Tatiana is so tired her eyes are closing on her and her feet are sore. It is very much time for a pedicure.
Tatiana is sitting here with a large bowl of strawberries, yogurt and granola. While eating, reading everybody's blogs, one girl supposedly is in the hospital. Drama!
Soon she is going outside with Chhaya to enjoy the weather.
But first she is going to brag about her friend Kennedy a little. Kennedy used to work at The Bush too but she is now well on her way to become a pilot, Tatiana thinks that is so cool! Tatiana is really impressed with Kennedy! GOOD FOR HER!
Tatiana went flying with Kennedy a few times, while Kennedy thought it was like the best time ever, Tatiana enjoyed herself, took in all the scenery but would much rather be on the ground. Tatiana has no interest at all in becoming a pilot.
Like Kennedy says in HER blog "There is no half-way, people I’ve met either are all the way in, consumed with this obsession or have no interest in it at all. I have yet to meet someone who is somewhat interested in it." Tatiana agrees.
Here is a link to the blog Tatiana wrote after her and Kennedy went flying, a chilly and sunny October day.
Actually a rather large number of people in Alaska have a pilot's license, Tatiana is not sure about the exact number but she heard somewhere that it is like 1 out of 58. Many places in Alaska don't have roads, so you need to go by plane or boat or walk if you like walking very, very far. Like Juneau, Alaska's capital.
If you want to check out Kennedy's blog, here it is. Kennedy is going to be like the hottest pilot.
Sarah Palin is not the only person that has a fire in her belly. Tatiana does too. But Tatiana decided against entering the presidential race after some careful thinking.......maybe another time. Or this time?
Seriously, if Sarah can do it, so can Tatiana, that whole "you have to be born in America" rule can be overlooked, Tatiana can just bat with her Bambi lashes and whoever is in charge of the rules will let her have her way. Simple.
Tatiana wonders......will she be able to wear her 7' rhinestone heels as president? Or will the people around her, like other heads of state at meetings and other functions, feel too intimidated, just like the men in the strip club sometimes do? But maybe it's a good thing to be intimidating as president?
Should her official song as president be "Bossy" by Linsday Lohan OR "Attention Whore" by Deadmau5? Decisions, decisions........
Tatiana really wants to have afternoon tea with Vladimir Putin, she has a small crush on him. Yes, he is not the "official' President of Russia but he is still very much in the picture. He looks like so much fun!
On a different note, Tatiana did get a lot done today. She ended up not working due to a regular monthly arrival of something that women get. Usually Tatiana gets moody then and needs to look for her Motrin bottle. And not be bothered by anything or anyone. Can you relate?
But the mood stayed very upbeat all day, except the mood for work.
There was grocery shopping, running, waxing of legs, vacuuming, sweeping stairs, doing dishes, a stop at the beach to take a picture of the gorgeous sunset, dusting almost every surface in the house, rearranging bedroom furniture, mopping floors, cleaning bathroom. A few long phone calls. Of course intake of food and a walk with Chhaya and a shower but that's a given.
Marveling at large, red and itchy mosquito bites all over the butt, they like Tatiana's butt since it's extra juicy right now. Marveling at the extra juicy butt in the mirror, thinking that it's too juicy. Way too juicy. Tatiana does not envy Kim Kardashian's figure (or engagement ring for that matter). Made promise to self to run tomorrow too. And work, unless stomach gets too crampy.
All of this and more without smoking any meth. Hallelujah!
Sometimes Tatiana wonders what she would accomplish if she did smoke meth, wow, the possibilities are endless but Tatiana wants her skin to stay nice and smooth and she also wants all her teeth in her mouth for a while more, so meth smoking is out of the question.
Well, it's probably time to sleep now.......Tatiana loves her sleep so toodeloo until next time!
Tatiana wants to look like THIS again. This pic is from almost two years ago (dressing room at The Bush), two Summers ago. Tatiana thinks she looks DA NANG here. Right!!??
Today, not like that.
: (
Why?
Maybe it is true, that it really IS harder to lose weight as you get older? OOOOHHHH the horror!!!! Tatiana did not think it would happen to her. When she lived in Sweden she was really skinny. Much thinner than in this pic.
Today she is maybe 5 lbs heavier (than in the pic, not since Sweden....). It does not seem like much but Tatiana can see and feel the difference. Oh yes.
Another contributing factor is work. If Tatiana works on a regular basis, she stays thinner, because then she does not sit at home at night and snack on food.
The running probably helps some, but Tatiana also likes running because it actually makes her feel good. Maybe she should switch it up with the gym twice a week? Some resistance training might take care of those 5 lbs?
And work.
Sounds like a plan.
Now Tatiana is going to shower and scrub herself nice and smooth, then put on a face mask and call her Mom to check in.
Nudity......
Have you ever been to some kind of a nudist resort? Spent some time around a group of naked people and it kind of becomes "normal" after a while?
Tatiana has been to plenty of hot springs and some nude beaches too, she usually keeps her panties on, doesn't want any sand in the VAGINE.
In Sweden, topless at the beach is common. The nude beach Tatiana visited was in Maui. It was really cool, fun and very laid back. Not at all creepy.
Tatiana is pretty comfortable with nudity you can say. She has seen so many naked girls, she lost count a long time ago. Yeah, lucky huh?
Tatiana wonders how many naked girls Landis has seen? Thousands? Hmmmmm.....interesting, does he even CARE anymore? That's a great idea for a book. A strip club dj's memoir.
There is a time and place for it though in society. Tatiana is not going to strip down naked and go in to the grocery store, loading up on bread and fruit.
Here is what Patrick Demarchelier thinks of nudity. He is a famous photographer.
"Nude is always in fashion. There's more expression in a nude than a clothed picture. The human body is like a sculpture."
Here is a very "in fashion" pic of Tatiana, almost nude. Pay attention to the "expression"!
DA NANG!
This pic belongs to Tatiana, so don't get any ideas........!
11 is Tatiana's special number.
She just got up, sitting down with some coffee, casually watching Judge Pirro on tv. Tatiana has to say that Judge Pirro is a sharp lady, she is super hot, smart, funny, what a woman, wow!
Today is kind of overcast and windy, Tatiana needs to go back to the laundromat and sniff out the acceptable versus the non acceptable machines and do some laundry.
If the sun comes out some more there might be bikini time later.
Chhaya just finished eating a bowl of food. Tatiana served her three eggs, over easy, on top of her dry food today. BTW Chhaya's dry food is Wolf King by Solid Gold, she also gets canned food, usually by Solid Gold too and homemade food, like chicken, rice and boiled carrots. And she gets whatever Tatiana is having if she wants, we share.
If we go camping, Chhaya insists on tasting everything, even bell peppers and oranges. She wants to make sure she is not missing out on any new culinary experiences.
On the schedule for later today, a 2 mile run. It's back to work tomorrow.
Maybe egg lady will change up the routine and squeeze out something else this time?
Her birthday is on Saturday, she is going to be 6. My baby!
She was 11 lbs when I brought her home, she is around 72 lbs now.
I wonder if she can feel how much I love her? I think she can, we share moments sometimes when I think she knows.
Here she is stretched out sleeping, like a little piggy.
And I just discovered this ice cream for doggies, peanut butter flavor. Chhaya likes it.
Now I am going to take her out for a quick pee before we cuddle up for the night. Today (technically yesterday since it's past Midnight) was a nice day. I did get a miniscule tan, not visible.
I am happy to be alive and I am happy to be blessed with Chhaya in my life.
Tatiana woke up to sun, blue skies and warm weather, she got excited and decided that it's time for the Havaiana's (flip flops) on a regular basis from now on. Today is a great day to wear a bikini and lay out with a magazine or two and a yummy latte. Have to pick put wich bikini to wear first.
Here is Tatiana in her pajamas, still waking up.............
Before Tatiana goes to bed she is going to share these "life lessons" she just came across while reading up on stuff online.
She does not who said these things, but here they are
Do you have a higher purpose beyond yourself? You don’t have to be a movie star to make a difference in the world. Is there some cause you are willing to take a stand for and speak out about? Is there an issue that moves you to take action? Abused children, the elderly, the homeless, a health issue, the environment, animals? You can become an advocate for change in your own neighborhood, town, city, or state, in the nation, or even the world.
If we live long enough, we’re all going to get old. We must make peace with the idea that beauty is fleeting and that we won’t be taking any of our material possessions with us when we leave. What truly matters is the richness of your character, the compassion you develop and the love that you share.
No one has the perfect life. Even those with unbelievable beauty, brains, money, fame, and success, don’t escape unscathed. We are all someone’s child and often times someone’s parent. We all bleed and we all mourn. Don’t ever be jealous of anyone else. Focus on living your own life in the best way possible.
Now Tatiana, with this in mind, is going to curl up and enjoy her sleep and maybe a few good dreams.......
It's a little after Midnight and it is just getting dark. Tatiana LOVES it! The long Alaskan summer days are great! Is it difficult to sleep? Not at all for Tatiana, she can sleep in daylight, darkness, curled up inside a loud speaker at a rave........no problem!
Anyway, since Tatiana is BIB, back in business, she will have some work related stories to share now and then.
Here is one from Saturday night......
Stage hog did it again. LOL. Like HELLO?
One guy thought Tatiana looked unreal, like a cartoon, he said "like an Anastasia princess cartoon". Awwwww, cute!
Then there was the inebriated guy, MR Super Annoying. Since Tatiana wouldn't pay him any attention, she does not like it when people are THAT drunk, seriously just sober up and do not slobber, spit and try to lay your heavy arm around me, weighing down on my hair .......and since Tatiana would not pay him any attention, he loudly decided and declared that Tatiana was "SO mean". And he actually remembered Tatiana from last year and she had been just as mean then too, supposedly. When he said that, Tatiana recalled him too and he had been just as drunk and annoying that night last year as this time. It's funny, every time a guy does not get the attention he thinks "he should" at a strip club, the girl in question is automatically mean.
What is up with that?
Try to go in at 8 am to the place you work at, reeking of booze, approach a female coworker, get really close to her and spit while you talk.......be very annoying. If she quickly leaves, is it YOU or HER?
Anyhow, according to MR Super Annoying and drunk, he was a sociologist and some other title too and he just knew that Tatiana is mean. He knew, he had "studied" her, in his drunkenness. Well, Tatiana is a stripper (sometimes) and she just KNOWS that you have problems, many problems, now go away.
He did not spend any money, besides on alcohol, but wanted to talk and be annoying. Well, Tatiana does not have to talk to you just because you happen to be there, get it? Tatiana finally asked him "what exactly do you want, did you come here thinking I would wash your sweaty underwear and cook you dinner?" "Leave me alone!" "I am not your wife!"
He still followed her around like a puppy. In between declaring how mean Tatiana was, he told her how pretty he though she was.
GO AWAY! He might be very nice when sober, and somewhere else but Tatiana does not want to see him ever again.
Then we have a "lady", a dirty lady that lays eggs. This is a first too. Oh Lord! She goes up on stage and during the second song she squeezes out a plastic (?) egg from her VAGINE. She tries to give the eggs to the guys but most of them are so bewildered and probably grossed out by this, that they refuse to touch the egg (no shit) and she ends up putting it at the railing of the stage.
YEAH, freaking GROSS!!!! Some slimy VAG egg just laying there. Classy.
Imagine that Landis, for a show at The Bush, some girl in a chicken costume, squeezing out eggs during the third song, auctioning off the eggs to the audience.
To the people that do not know who Landis is, he is a dj at The Bush Company, he is super cool and reads Tatiana's blog sometimes.
: )
The egg lady is curvy, now that is being nice (but some like curvy and that's totally ok).......she wore a skirt and a bra out of some white fuzzy material, she looked like a cross between a polar bear and big bird. Or Sasquatch.
Yeah, like Tatiana said, never seen ladies squeeze anything out of their VAGINES at work before, she thought that only happened in Bangkok and on the internet.
It's actually GROSS and not at all sexy/cute or whatever it is supposed to be.
Then there is another girl that is very thin and looks like a crack head, Tatiana thinks it's pretty safe to say that she probably is a crack head. Which is sad, it must be difficult to deal with that. Tatiana has known/knows people with substance abuse problems and that does not mean that you are a bad person at all. Well, some people are druggies AND bad people, not a good combination, unfortunately Tatiana has known them too........you know who you are......
This girl can't keep still and she moves her mouth around in all kinds of directions and wrinkles her forehead, her whole face moves. It's exhausting just to look at her (and kind of sad). This girl smells like trouble, Tatiana is keeping her distance. A guy at work said he thought that girl was " a snake". And another one came up to Tatiana asking how he could get rid of her because she had latched herself on to him and he did not want to talk to her anymore. She is kind of scary if you are sober enough to see it. Tatiana said she couldn't help him with that problem. Her advice to guys is to tell the girls, politely, that you are not interested from the very beginning.
Btw, if you are skinny due to crack, coke, meth, whatever it might be, even diet pills, then you are just druggie skinny, try to be naturally skinny, healthy for a change.
It's easy to drop the pounds if you snort/smoke some drugs.
Anyways.
Tatiana is sure egg lady and skinny girl have tons of great qualities, unfortunately those qualities do not come out that much at work.
It's getting late, Tatiana thinks that she is going to curl up in bed.
GOD NATT!
The Latisse works beyond Tatiana's expectations! Her lashes are so long and fluttering, she loves them! BAMBI lashes!
Actaully, these are some self portaits of Tatiana and her fake lashes from last night, these are the longest lashes she is using, they look a little extreme but it's not as overwhelming when she has her eyes open. Tatiana is not sure if she has seen any difference in her real lashes after using Latisse for almost two weeks now, every night. She does not think that she is going to continue with the Latisse once she runs out of what's left in the bottle. A bottle (very small) of Latisse is about $ 120 btw.
So last night at work was kind of........interesting, for lack of a better word.
First of all, more girls have showed up. Two arrived last night that Tatiana has not seen since last summer. Tatiana noticed that they were acting silly. One of them, she looks ok, in good shape, better from afar than up close, but still one of the better ones in the club, was hogging the people at the stage. At this club, most girls insist on sitting with with guys at the stage, totally trying to divert the attention from the girl that's presently on stage. Weird. It's the only club that Tatiana has worked at where this is done, where it's actually allowed, she doesn't get it. The stage is for the people that are watching the girl that's dancing on stage and that's the way it should be. Tatiana does not sit at the stage with people, if somebody wants to talk to Tatiana there are plenty of seats AWAY from the stage where you can talk. Tatiana noticed that this girl engaged in extra intese conversation with people the times Tatiana went on stage. Tatiana decided not to pay this insecure chick any attention. It is kind of rude though, the guys (most of them) that sit at the stage, sit there so they can look at the girl that is dancing. When guys sit with girls at the stage, Tatiana usually ignores them on purpose.
Then the other girl that showed up last night, stage hogs friend, that by the way is really unattractive, to put it kindly (you would totally agree), was sitting at the bar talking to an obvioulsy drunk guy.
Tatiana was sitting at the opposite side of the bar, snacking on some pretzels, admiring her new pretty silver shoes shock full of rhine stones, when the manager presented Tatiana with a drink, (soda water) saying that the guy that was sitting with that (ugly) girl had bought it for Tatiana.
"Do I have to go over there now" wondered Tatiana. "He is already sitting with somebody and I do not want to bother them".
"Yes, go over" said the manager/ladyboss. So Tatiana reluctantly went over, sat down and said thank you for the drink and introduced herself politely. The (ugly) girl suddenly felt threatened and attached herself even more to the guy. Tatiana is not going to bother in situations like these, she never has to "compete" for any attention, besides it's just lame to do that. Desperate and Tatiana is not desperate.
She just excused herself and walked away. What many girls also do in this club (and other clubs too) is that they latch themslves on to a guy as soon as he walks in through the door and by doing that they think that the guy should pay attention only to them. The poor guy sometimes feels obligated though he really would rather talk to or get dances from somebody else.
Tatiana doesn't like to spend too much time with people. It's nothing personal usually. She prefers limited chit chat, or a convincing "YOU NEED", some dances and then the guy should go back to the stage or his buddies, or maybe get some dances from somebody else. Or more dances with Tatiana a little later. It's not a dating club for single people it is a strip club after all!
Tatiana would think that people are there to look at all the girls unless they have a certain favorite, which is fine too. Some girls just get so territorial and act like they are sitting with their damned husband or something. But if you are not that cute then maybe latching on to somebody is the only way you can make money.
About 30 minutes later manager/ladyboss told Tatiana that the guy at the bar really wanted to talk to Tatiana but he was intimidated because he though that she was so pretty.
"Well, it's time that he grows some balls, he looks old enough" said Tatiana.
MAN UP ALREADY!!!
Tatiana is confused......do you say at the stage or on the stage? But you all get what Tatiana is saying, right?
Kate does it again. She is Tatiana's favorite model.
Here is her latest ad, for Dior Addict lipstick. There is a 90 sec commercial also.
Tatiana likes the color of the lipstick, she likes this shade of pink. She needs!
Kate's cat eyes and matching black nails are perfect.
Tatiana loves Kate's face, it's perfect.
