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Blurred Lines

When I woke up this morning the temperature showed single digits outside. that's cold! I'm staying warm with my extra hot vanilla latte in the morning and hot tea with lemon later on.

So, isn't it kind of interesting how some people seemingly live such perfect and upstanding lives when in reality they have some serious skeletons in their closet? I recently read about a serial killer that roamed around in Kansas, Dennis Rader aka BTK (Bind, Torture and Kill).
He probably had many fooled, this guy was even a deacon in church and a Cub Scout leader. Probably preaching up a storm and lecturing the good ole' church going folks while he was plotting his next murder. Another noteworthy detail about him, he admitted to torturing animals. Again......more evidence that people that get caught doing that need to get a mandatory and thorough mental evaluation and a long stay behind bars.
Then we have the recent case of the doctor and lawyer found guilty of murdering his wife. Not only was this guy highly educated, I mean who is a doctor AND a lawyer.....that's ambitious! He was also a former bishop in his local congregation of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. A nice Mormon man, they can't possibly be up to no good, right? He supposedly had a "picture perfect" family, a wife and a brood of eight. Until he hired his mistress as the family nanny, then things unraveled and he decided to murder his wife that had squeezed out their eight kids. Separating or divorcing was not an option I guess?
So yeah, there are many picture perfect families, couples and people out there that are doing some vile stuff behind closed doors. I wonder if they look down at and talk bad about strippers? Probably. Well, at least I don't torture animals and murder innocent people.

I have been occupied with Netflix lately. I watched a documentary last night that left me with an uneasy and sad feeling in my being that has been difficult to shake. Whore's Glory by Michael Glawogger. It depicts some prostitutes and gives a glimpse of their reality in Thailand, Bangladesh and Mexico. The girls in Thailand were picked out for sex from behind a large glass window, aka the Fish Tank. And it kind of reminded me somewhat about the clubs I work in, how you basically strut your stuff and then get picked for lap dances. Or not. Then some of the Thai girls went and spent their money at guys in boy bars. That to me was very strange. What a waste of hard earned money!
The situation at the brothel in Bangladesh was beyond horrid. The name of the brothel is City of Joy.....City of Despair and Disease is more fitting I think. How anyone in their right mind could buy sex THERE is incomprehensible to me. There were children present while the women were hustling customers, arguing with each other and dealing with their business.
I would NEVER want to subject a child, my child to that......and from what I gathered the children born into that life, if they are unfortunate to be girls, will eventually become prostitutes also. How incredibly sad. The hustling was SCARY. The conditions of the place were also very scary, absolutely a breeding ground for all kinds of diseases. No amount of condoms would make me feel safe in there if I was a guy. Another thing that really stuck with me were some of the things a few men that were being interviewed said. One talked about visiting City of Joy once, sometimes twice a day. He said that without that place women wouldn't be safe to walk the streets in that town (Faridpur) and that they would certainly get raped. The cows and goats of the town would get raped too by sex starved and horny men if it wasn't for the brothel. Really? That is just sickening.
And the last brothel in Mexico called The Zone was depressing as well. There was a mentally insane woman running around, a few prostitutes smoking crack. Some guys boasting about that they visit the brothel so they can engage in the things they don't get at home from their wives and girlfriends, like bjs and anal sex.
It made me feel so sad that this is reality for some people. Day in and day out, with basically no way out. And also sad that women are seen as a commodity. That it seems to be acceptable and completely normal in some cultures to go and buy sex on your lunch break, or I should say by some people. Even here. But it is a heck more safer for all the people involved to visit a legal brothel in Nevada instead of some place like City of Joy or The Zone. But still, is prostitution a victimless crime? I'm torn on the issue but I'm leaning towards no. It is usually not a victimless crime, speaking for the women now. I'm sure that there are some prostitutes out there that got their shit together and get out of the business, sanity intact, happy and hopefully wealthy. But what about the women in Bangladesh and other places? I wrote a blog about this last year, so instead of me repeating myself and my thoughts about should read it here
Sometimes I wonder if I, by being a dancer or call it stripper, am contributing to any of the negativity? Trust me, I am not trying to and I am probably one of the strictest dancers out there. But STILL. The lines are blurred. I have a lot on my mind tonight......
Sometimes I fantasize about winning A LOT of money, you know when people hit the power ball and get like 250 million or some large amount like that. Well, first thing first, I would take care of my family and friends. But then I would do so much good for people that suffer and animals. And I would go to strip clubs and hand out big bills to the girls. I can only's one of those fantasies that make me feel happy inside.

My work stuff has been in the closet since I go back from South case you are curious about what's lurking in my closet. ;-)


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Moralfjant on :

Sjukt intressant att läsa om dina tankar kring prostitution och hur du sätter strippande i relation till det. Du skriver kring om du, som strippa, bidrar till allt det här skeva och jag blir ba så trött. Inte på dig eller din fråga, men så trött på att allt ansvar alltid ska läggas på kvinnorna, de "utsatta" (alltså menar inte att du är mer utsatt än andra kvinnor, skulle lika gärna kunnat handla om typ smink eller att va hemmafru).

Liksom, hur mycket ska du (och vi andra kvinnor) behöva vrida och vända på oss själva för att se till att inte bidra till förtrycket på nåt sätt? Det är fan dags att lägga mer ansvar på männen och börja diskutera vad män egentligen får ut av att köpa sex eller gå till strippklubb. Hur det påverkar deras kvinnosyn.

Vill också säga att jag älskar att läsa din blogg, verkligen givande att få läsa tankarna hos nån som jobbar i en bransch jag hatar :-)

Tatiana on :

Ah vad roligt att fa en kommentar fran dig! :-D
Jag kan inte lata bli att fundera pa detta, vad for positivt bidrar jag till att jobba som strippa? Paverkar det feminismen negativt? Nu tror jag iofs att klubbar i USA skiljer sig fran klubbar i Sverige, har har vi manga par o grupper med tjejer som kommer in, fast majoriteten ar forstas man. Det ar valdigt mainstream och inte sa tabu som det kanske ar i Sverige.
Och jag pratar garna om att jag ar feminist pa jobbet och tar upp fragor som jag anser ar viktiga, forsoker att styra konversationer till nagot positivt och givande (for mig iallafall.) Och gor aldrig nagot som jag inte ar ok med......osv.

Juliana on :

Tati my dearest...

Well, you sure do have spirit in you. It's why I love you girl. I read your blog and took down notes so I could systematically respond to everything in order so here we go... :-)

Dennis Rader was clearly not under the "radar". Poor fucker.
And to top it off torturing animals-I'm so glad they caught him. There's nothing they could do to him on earth that won't be done in the eternal sense. I only wonder how horrible the torture of his soul will manifest itself in eternity.
Wow, I almost wish I had a log to put under his ass as he "Burns in eternal damnation" as they say.

As for the M.D--Highly educated doesn't necessarily mean highly evolved. There's I.Q and E.Q as most of us know. A lot to be said about off the chart measured people (I.Q wise) that can't carry on a normal conversation or have any semblance of any sort of intimate relationship. Friendship or beyond.

As for the "God" element that both of these sewer rats were both involved in religion, well...let's just say that it's not God's fault. It's religion and the morons that think they can interpret the spirit of the light into something they think they can box up with a pretty bow.
The Light, Lord, Spirit, God, Universe (whatever one chooses to believe) is strikingly a much different avenue than religion takes. Spirit is human. Religion is man. Even Jesus preached that he prefer we worship in PRIVATE.
Monsters TRY to cover up their flaws under the guise of God. My Romanian ass...It's just a soulless creature trying to divert attention away from their nasty behavior.

As far as the Thai/Bang prostitution issue is concerned, don't even put yourself anywhere near that equation. Your morality has nothing to do w/those that torture and kill and EXPLOIT beyond reason. You choose to do your job and do it well. There is no dark underlord reigning your destiny or those who's lives you touch. You are there by choice. If it ruins a marriage then too bad. It's his fault for letting it. He chose to go in there and his actions take him to his next step. The key word here is choice.

Next my lovely blonde lady...Why do the Thai girls go to the boy bars? I think because they need to transfer their feelings of inadequacy and frustration on the next best thing: Gay boys that wouldn't literally touch them with a ten foot "pole".

Bang, Thai and other 3rd world countries are capable of not only breeding more humans but poverty, misery and darkness. There is light there but think of the difference between the east and the west. They say we are overworked and unfocused on spirituality. They make fun of us for being so "white" in our thinking and tight assed.
Well, at least we only have 1/10th of the horror and malady associated with the east. A lot of great stuff came out of the east, I've studied Buddhism. I get it.

However, the key issue is darkness and that's what I'm referring to when speaking of MASS CONSCIOUSNESS. When any beings are surrounded by that negativity it only takes others down. In essence... Like attracts like. It's a property of physics. So many schools of thought are based on one of these elemental laws. If someone projects negativity they will only get it back. If those around you see no light, it is extremely difficult to find it. Only the light of God if someone prays for it, I believe will help heal and save. And no, Tati, you are NOT contributing to that negativity because YOU are NOT negative. You don't enslave anyone. The money you work hard for sustains you and others in a positive way. Your life is lived in a joyful and beautiful way. Love X's Infinity on that note.


Tatiana on :

Juliana - nice long comment with lots of thoughts......I like that!
Thank You! You need to start writing a blog too!

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